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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Just found out I had a MMC - what happens now?

69 replies

icklemssunshine1 · 20/02/2013 12:28

Hi all,

Started a thread yesterday debating whether I had a MMC or whether my dates were wrong. Anyway I had a transvaginal scan today & no foetus was detected. As a heartbeat was spotted last week they want to scan me again in a week's time as a doctor wouldn't do anything with being 100% sure. I knew my dates were correct - my last LMP was 4/12 yet at scan last week the foetus was only 6 weeks.

What I want to know is what should I expect now? Will I miscarry naturally or what are the alternatives?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

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pumpkinsweetie · 20/02/2013 13:06

Couldn't read and run, so sorry you are going through thisSad
I hope someone comes along with answers soon.
Lots of (((Hugs))) to you x

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icklemssunshine1 · 20/02/2013 13:07

Thank you Pumpkin, feeling bit lost and numb at moment :(

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WillSantaComeAgain · 20/02/2013 13:10

Vey sorry to hear that ickle. It's a horrible thing to go through but you will get through it. There are three options and it may be worth thinking about what you want to go for. You could wait (expectant management) and see if your body starts to miscarry naturally. Or you could be offered a drug to things off and then let your body do the rest, or thirdly you can have an ERPC (hideous and insensitive name). This is where you have a general anithesitc (can't spell it) and they will remove whatever is left in your uterus.

Which you go for is obviously a personal thing (though under medical guidance). Personally I hated the thought of any more uncertainty and went for the surgically route to get it over and done. I had period like bleeding for less than 12 hrs then just a few days of light spotting. Last time my cycles came back in 4 weeks - hopefully they will do this time as well as want to start ASAP.

Happy to answer any more questions that I can, but hugs in the meantime. Xx

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MrsSpencerReid · 20/02/2013 13:22

Hope you don't mind me asking a few things too! How long will they let you wait? Presumably they can't wait forever!! Also, do you have to wait to try again with medical or surgical management? I was going to try and get a GP appt but I dont know if they would know much about what happens either as I assume they always refer people to hosp.

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icklemssunshine1 · 20/02/2013 13:24

Thanks WillSanta. So sorry you had to go through this. I'm already feeling I would like the surgical option as sounds harsh, but just want it over with so can move forward. The next week is going to be difficult as I feel I'm in some horrible limbo & also afraid I may start miscarrying naturally any moment. Still feels like its not happening at the minute :(

How did you deal with telling people if you don't mind me asking? X

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icklemssunshine1 · 20/02/2013 13:25

How are you Mrs? Any news?

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MrsSpencerReid · 20/02/2013 13:59

No change here, although like you I am worried I'll start bleeding at any moment! I keep thinking of loads of questions but don't know who to ask! Saw some friends at lunch but now I'm counting down the hours till OH gets home! Hope you're looking after yourself and getting lots of chocolate

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Bakingtins · 20/02/2013 14:25

I'm very sorry that you are both going through this.

Most hospitals recommend that you wait until you've had one period before trying again, that is the same for any of the methods of management. There is more information available at the Miscarriage Association on all three options.
I've had natural and medical management of MC, as I had already started to bleed each time when the scan showed baby had died I was not offered an ERPC. I had the equivalent of an ERPC after the birth of my son for retained placenta and given the choice between that and weeks of limbo I would opt for the surgery, but it's a very personal decision.

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icklemssunshine1 · 20/02/2013 15:42

Thanks Bakingtins. Think I would opt for surgery, I also had a retained placenta with my DD so if that's what the surgery is like I def want that. Just fearful of a natural miscarriage now - when it'll happen/how painful/how much bleeding. I'm on holiday this week so if anything happens I hope it'll be in the next couple of days. I'm a teacher & dread the thought of anything happening whilst I'm in front of a class :(

Mrs - trying to look after myself. OH had day off today - was supposed to be taking DD out :( No chocolate but plenty of sweets :) Hope you're pampering yourself too & when you OH comes home he cooks you a lovely meal x

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WillSantaComeAgain · 21/02/2013 07:08

Sorry for not replying yesterday. I'm not sure how long they would let you wait for you to miscarry naturally- I think quite a few weeks from what I recall in my extensive obsessive reading around this. But the NICE guidelines make it clear that the choice is down to the woman if you feel like waiting isn't an option for you.

It doesn't sound harsh to say you want it over with at all, it sounds totally natural. I don't think things start that suddenly- you'll probably start spotting first, so don't worry about being out or in front of people.

I told people by email last time- I wanted to let everyone know the facts but couldn't face telling them face to face. This time. Apart from my mum and sister, we're not telling anyone. People are either too sympathetic (which I hate) or so totally crass and insensitive anyway that its easier if people don't know, IMHO.

It gets better, I promise. Yes, it will be utterly shit for a while, but you will get through it. xx

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icklemssunshine1 · 21/02/2013 10:19

Thanks for the reply WillSanta. Hadn't told many people anyway, those that I had I just sent them a text. Couldn't bare to face them. My DH rang his mum & broke down on phone so I chickened out! Have even got my brother to tell my mum :(

Have a hospital appointment next Weds so I'll demand surgery if nothing has happened, it's only been 24 hours and the wait is making things worse.

Thanks for the kind words. These threads are keeping me sane at the moment.

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MrsSpencerReid · 21/02/2013 12:12

Hi, I don't blame you for chickening out!! I just said its bad news and left it at that! Am supposed to be off to visit a friend, keeping busy and all that, but I've got really bad cramps and I kept waking up in the night thinking I was bleeding, I'm not, so I don't know what to do. Am hoping bleeding stays away till at least sat when my mum gets here! OH has got a horrid week at work so I feel bad asking him to not work extra cos I know he needs to and it's only till sat, ugh, hope I haven't missed anything, am on my phone so can't see your posts!

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MrsSpencerReid · 21/02/2013 12:13

Oh, the miscarriage association link was great, thanks

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icklemssunshine1 · 21/02/2013 13:36

Hi Mrs,

Hope you're not in too much pain. My fear is something will start when I'm alone. Have decided to not go back to work next week as I'm afraid of something happening whilst I'm there. Have phoned my midwife to see if she can speed things along with regards to a consultant appointment but she hasn't ring me back yet. Would rather it over with. My DH asked if he wanted me to stay home today but he's for his own business so he's needed there, felt if he's trying to be strong so should I. Glad people IRL are rallying around for you, meeting friends for coffee tomorrow. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. We'll see how I cope!

Keep taking care of yourself & keep me updated of how you're doing. Try & get through this mess together!

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LandsN · 21/02/2013 14:41

Hi I am so sorry for your losses I went through this in dec (3rd time) and miscarried the day I had the scan naturally but tbh I wish I had had the surgical method as I was so worried something was wrong and it had not all come away but on the up side for those who asked about trying again I have had 1 af and am now 5 weeks pg again and do feel different this time not sure if that's good or not?
My thoughts are with u and good luck ttc again xx

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icklemssunshine1 · 21/02/2013 17:23

LandsN, thank you for taking time to reply. Sorry you had to go through this 3 times. You must be so strong. Congratulations on your pregnancy - glad to know there's light at the end of this dark tunnel. Look after yourself & the little one.

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LandsN · 21/02/2013 17:38

Thank you and believe me I am not strong if I hadn't got a bfp this month think it would have hit me hard and there is definitely a light at the end of a very dark tunnel hope u find yourself there soon x

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MrsSpencerReid · 22/02/2013 09:39

Agh, my post vanishedHmm in short, started spotting last night, seeing practice nurse later, will post properly after

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icklemssunshine1 · 22/02/2013 10:31

Hugs Mrs :(

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dorapeppageorgenoddy · 22/02/2013 10:37

Ickle - how are you feeling? Do you have a date when you are next being seen?

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icklemssunshine1 · 22/02/2013 10:44

Physically still nothing has happened, no pains, spotting, nothing. Emotionally still a bit all over place. Think I'm okay & then something triggers a weep - today the postman knocked on the door to hand me a package. I know it's the maternity dress I ordered from eBay. Serves me right for forward planning :(

Tried contacting my midwife. Left two messages yesterday but she hasn't ring back. Bit annoyed tbh!! Not sure whether to try again - would I be seen at weekend? Besides as its w'end & DH will be home I'd rather us do family stuff with our dd to take my mind off things.

Waiting sucks :(

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icklemssunshine1 · 22/02/2013 10:45

How are you dora? Are you able to rest? Did you get any better sleep at home?

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dorapeppageorgenoddy · 22/02/2013 11:14

I'm sad, empty feeling - took some codeine to help me sleep - this is half term for me which is bitter sweet - I hope you hear back today -

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icklemssunshine1 · 22/02/2013 11:24

:( Big hugs.

Half term for me as well, are you a teacher too? Left a msg on mud wife's phone this time explaining what has happened. She called me back (getting my name wrong) & said she was on holiday & to call my GP. Cheers love! Rang my GP & was put straight on to speak to him. I explained I was worried about waiting. My fear is I go back to work & it starts whilst I'm in front of a class. His answer? It's prob happened already. Love the caring NHS. Feel worse than I did 1 hour ago :(

Keep resting & don't go back to work til you're ready.

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dorapeppageorgenoddy · 22/02/2013 11:50

Yes a teacher as well! Which makes it all really strange does as Sept plans were sorted now its all change - had you told school yet? No one knew for me at school -

Your gp sounds very un-knowledgable - not sure of the area you are in but some areas allow self referral to Early Pregnancy Units or if you find your local one just ask the duty doctor for a referral to one - if you speak to them the EPU they should tell you how to get a referral -

The consultant got everything happening so quick because I said about half term and he said you don't want anything to start in the classroom so he was very good -

I think with the NHS it is all about who you get through to or who you speak to - I think today you need to try and push a bit if you feel strong enough - and hopefully you can be seen at EPU -

Let me know and thinking of you -

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