getting through a natural miscarriage

[GinAndSlimlinePlease]

I found out on Friday I was miscarrying. had a heartbeat on Monday, but no heartbeat on Friday, and sac sitting at the top of my cervix. I had already been bleeding for a week.

I chose to come home and continue the natural miscarriage. it's been utterly heartbreaking. the pain and bleeding has continued, like a heavy period. I don't think I've passed the sac yet, so I still feel in limbo.

I'm really struggling to get going. I just feel flat and sad. I don't want to face the world. just getting up feels like too much effort. my DH has been wonderful, especially as he has been really sad too. but I think he struggles to understand how I feel physically.

do I just need to force myself to get up and busy? I have for the last few days but it's wiped me out. my sil is coming over in a few hours, and I just want to hide rather than make polite talk.

I wish I could go to sleep and wake only when everything is right again

[kelda]

You need to rest. Don't force yourself to be busy. Do you have time off work? can you cancel your sil, saying you are unwell?

[GinAndSlimlinePlease]

I've got another week off work, thankfully.

I can't avoid my sil. she's already on her way down.

I just want to hide, but I know that's silly. I did feel better for some gardening on Sunday. I might get up with a promise of more gardening the afternoon.

It's just so difficult. the physical and emotional side together.

[voituredepompier]

Very sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I had a natural miscarriage at 9 weeks and felt utterly wiped out for about 2 weeks. A 10 minute walk would leave me shattered. I was not expecting to fell so exhausted, it came as quite a shock.

I had about a week off sick, my boss was very sympathetic. I can relate to your feelings about feeling flat and sad. That seems quite normal and might last a fair bit longer.

From my experience, talk about it with your DH. my DP was also very sad but felt he had to remain the strong one so bottled it up until he lost it a bit one day.

[Mummytothearkbuilder]

I am feeling the same - I was off last week as the bleeding started and then on Friday I had the miscarriage and was so shocked at the pain and level of bleeding I am still bleeding now like a really heavy period and I have decided not to go into work this week at all - the was the midwife's advice.

I thought I would bounce back after a few days and be up and back to normal - yesterday I really tried to push myself but it backfired majorly - I was physically drained and emotionally all over the place. I think i have recognised now that I have to let my body tell me what to do and take my lead from that - if I need to rest then that's what I will do.

It is a utterly heartbreaking situation to be in - don't push yourself too hard and listen to what your body is telling you.

Thinking of you and sending hugs xxxx

[GinAndSlimlinePlease]

oh I'm really sorry to hear you miscarried too mummy, I remember your other thread

it really is awful. I feel like I'm having an awful period, plus a virus, plus grieving.

I am hoping time will heal all. hugs xxx

[StrawberryGateaux]

Hugs to you gin, i'm going through a mc at present & it's so emotionally draining x

[SaggyOldClothCatpuss]

There is nothing wrong with hiding. I have hiding days and days when I need company. Just go with the flow. Its been 3 weeks and I do feel better, but the effect on my emotional state was really shocking, and there are still good days and bad days. Bee kind to yourselves. xx

[HoleyGhost]

The limbo is the hardest bit, I had a thread here when I was going through that. Be kind to yourself

[bzzbee]

Hi Gin

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had a mc at 11 weeks pregnancy last month.
My opinion is that it is physically (not to mention emotionally) very tough indeed. For comparison, I had a natural childbirth a few years ago with no pain relief (not really by choice, it just worked out that way) and I was better recovered physically far more quickly after that in terms of energy levels etc. I think the hormone crash is what makes the mc recovery so hard. Plus, sadly, not having anything to actually be happy about.
I was off work for 2.5 weeks, I intended to go back much earlier but I was a mess.
Even after going back, I had terrible blood loss approx 5 weeks after the mc (probably first AF) and had to take another day off.
Please go easy on yourself and expect nothing in terms of output and that way any little achievement will be a belssing.

[bzzbee]

[Sorry pressed Send too soon]

Also, I wanted to add, in case that all sounded too depressing, that it does get better, but only through time really. Each day that passes is another day between you and the sadness. You don't forget, but you move forward.
So my view is you need to find a way that makes the time pass as easily as possible. For some people that is resting, for others it is being busy, doing nice things etc. I think for most it is probably a combination of the two, I deifnitely needed to hibernate and hide from the world for the first week or two. Then i started to do some nice things (haircut, facial helped me) and got back to work/normality. I am so glad I didn't go back to work sooner as I think I could have sank into a depression. You don't want to have to pretend to be fine and happy.
There are loads of tips on the "Practicalities of dealing with a mc" thread.

X

[GinAndSlimlinePlease]

thanks everyone. bzzbee, your comments were really helpful.

I'm getting through it ok. I'm just coming out of the hibernating stage. the physical symptoms are getting better but I struggle with the constant bleeding. back to work on Tuesday. part of me is ready for it, but I'm nervous too!

[GinAndSlimlinePlease]

I'm due to go back to work tomorrow and I'm really not due I'm ready. I'm still bleeding. And still getting cramps from time to time. Mostly waking me up in the night I also don't think I've passed the baby yet, and I won't find out until my next scan on Friday.

But most importantly I'm not sure I'm ready emotionally. it would mean quite long days (out from 6.40 to 7-8). I don't know that I could hold it together that long!

However, I may drive myself crazy staying at home. ..

[Lotta1234]

Gin stay of a while longer if you're still not feeling well and use the time
to build up your strength by doing odd things out of the house. I had at least a fortnight off when I miscarried and did things like got a haircut towards the end because that sort of thing helps me feel more together. Whatever helps you - walking, reading, seeing a friend, shopping, sleeping - just do it and remember going back to work won't be so bad but you do need to feel ready. Big hug and thinking of you. It's a really emotional time but I promise it gets more manageable with time.