MMC just diagnosed, 9.5 wks, what to do next?

[remnant]

So, yes, just had mmc diagnosed during scan today

Been told I can
a) wait to see what happens
b) medical option - two doses of drugs and a day's wait in hospital
c) surgery

I work part time and have a two year old and it would be very hard for me to stay at home for several days in a row. It's not the work, I can avoid the office earily enough, but it would be nursery pickups/drop offs that I can't always avoid.

So far I've chosen to wait, just to get used to the idea, but I've seen no blood whatsover, and not really cramping. Not sure if I could be waiting weeks and weeks? Is that likely? I've heard that when things happen it can be very sudden, would there really be no warning?

I'd rather not do surgery because it would all seem to end too suddenly I think, although I can imagine if things drag on I might be very grateful for that.

Any advice much appreciated

[calendargal]

So sorry remnant.

If it were me, I would go the wait and see route, but make sure you have someone to look after your toddler at short notice (DH?) I had a mc at 13wks and yes it happened suddenly but not without warning - quite like labour in that it started off as quite manageable and progressed from there. I think as long as you had someone to help within an hour or two of things starting you would be OK>

[MrsJohnDeere]

So sorry you are going through this.

I opted for surgery (MMC spotted at 12 week scan). Once I knew I'd miscarried I wanted it all out and over and done with. Had the ERPC the next day . I also found that it was easier with my other Dcs to know that X would be happening to me on that date and make plans around that.

[TERRICOVERLEYDoSAC]

Really sad news Remnant - my thoughts are with you.

Have had several miscarriages myself at this stage. No right or wrong answers but here are some personal thoughts on pros and cons.

a) wait and see - minimises risks linked to more active medical/surgical management, but leaves you in limbo for a bit - depends how you're feeling? As you say, does give you time to come to terms with what has happended in your home environment. My miscarriages at this stage of pregnancy have been similar physically to heavy periods (so gradual onset and not necessarily completely physically incapacitating - but obviously we're all different, and how you're feeling emotionally is a big consideration too).

b) medical option - speeds things along, but means you'll be in a hospital environment for the final day (and conscious throughout) (which, depending on how you feel, may be better or worse than being at home?).

c) Surgery: quick and the most predictable (especially if you're arranging childcare). But risk of complications (most commonly infection?) does need to be factored in. Same issues to weigh up in terms of home Vs hospital environment (but less hanging around than medical option...).

You could have a plan a/plan b approach, giving yourself a review point to take stock if things don't happen?

Hoping you find the right way through these difficult circumstances for you and your family. This may sounds odd but getting to the other side of each missed miscarriage did come with a distinct sense of relief and release - perhaps getting through the physical process does free you up to move through grieving process?

Very next wishes

[remnant]

Thanks both of you, but sorry for your experiences

Mrsjohndeere, did you need to rest up much after the erpc? How did you feel afterwards?

[remnant]

Cross posted Terri, thanks too for your post. I think I'll be waiting till Monday at the very least. I can't say a day of bleeding in hospital appeals

[CaliBee]

Hi remnant
I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this.

Have the clinic asked you to come back for a repeat scan at all?? They would normally do at least one more. I just wondered maybe if that was the case that you could use that as a review date as Terri mentioned?
I spotted/bled lightly for a full week before I lost the pregnancy. I too was scared to leave the house and go too far...but in a way I think that was good reflective time for me. Having said that, I don't have a little one to take care of.
For me the physical pain almost made up for the emotional pain. Its hard to explain....one kind of made the other more bearable if you understand me.
Take care xx

[UserNameAngst]

So sorry to hear this.

I had an erpc after a mmc 18mo ago. DS1 was about 2 at the time and I wanted to move on from the news quickly. The procedure was straightforward and I had little pain. I had the op on a Fri, rested over the weekend and went back to work on Mon. This, in hindsight, was too soon, but from an emotional pov - I was lucky enough to feel physically well enough.

Hope things go smoothly, whatever you decide.

[Irishmammybread]

So sorry you find yourself here Remnant.
With my first mc I started spotting some blood after 10 weeks and within 5 days the bleeding got heavier and some cramping started. I was scanned at that point and the pregnancy sac was still there, I was given all the options too and we decided to wait and see if I would progress naturally. It took another few days and then pains developed, like early labour pains rather than the period pains that the doctor described.It was very obvious when the sac passed, and pains subsided after that though the bleeding continued for a while, it took several scans over the next few weeks before it was deemed the mc was complete.
Mc 2 was early,at 6 weeks and pain and bleeding started at the same time,progressed quickly and was finished within a week.
With Mc3 we found out at a scan at 10w that the heart had stopped at 8w6d. We were given all the options again but decided to see if it would happen naturally again. My younger dc didn't know I was pregnant this time, they were so upset after mc1 we wanted to wait to tell them, so I didn't want to have a hospital stay. I didn't miscarry until 2 weeks later. This time cramps and pains started before any bleeding, over a few days so I had some warning that things were happening. When the bleeding started though there had been no spotting,it was a big gush with clots, I needed to be close to the bathroom. I was scanned that day at the EPU, sac and baby were still there, it was another 2 days again before I passed this and once again bled for a good few days afterwards. It took weeks before it was resolved, in fact even at the last scan they could see some thickening but said it should come away with my first AF.
So I think each miscarriage can be different, I was glad I was able to manage it at home but people seem to get a quicker resolution with the surgical option so it's a personal choice. Not the sort of choice you want to be making at all, I know.
Look after yourself x

[MrsJohnDeere]

Remnant - 2 days of total rest (not allowed to drive etc), then a week or so of taking things easy. I got an infection on day 3 post-op BUT that's not the norm. Soon under control with anti-biotics. I had the op on a Friday so that dh would be around to deal with children over the weekend.

Didn't feel 'right' until 6 weeks or so afterwards, but that's much more the emotional than the physical recovery.

[remnant]

Thanks again to all of you. So sad to think that all of you have been here already at least once.

Would I be mad to go into to work tomorrow, and to take DS to his swimming lesson ?

[TERRICOVERLEYDoSAC]

No, not at all - go with your gut feeling? Be especially kind to yourself though whatever you end up doing.

[CaliBee]

You must do what you feel is right for you.
Maybe you could have a word with your manager and explain that you may have to leave at short notice.

[escorpion]

So sorry for what is happening to you remnant I had surgery yesterday. In hindsight I think that was the best for me although I was terrified. I had been on bed rest for three weeks due to spotting and after the scan which showed my loss I had a few more days wait before the surgery and I think the waiting was the worst part. I don´t think I could have waited much longer for things to pass naturally and the emotional state I was in I didn´t want the physical pain either. I admire those strong women who go for the natural route, but I didn´t feel strong enough for that personally. I went in yesterday morning where they gave me suppositories to start contractions and then at 1.30 I was ready for surgery. I am feeling fine today, I came home yesterday in the evening and I am glad I can try and get things back to normal. There are risks to whatever route you take. Yes the surgery is invasive and there is a small risk of scars, but if you decide to go the natural route you may need surgery in the end anyway. I will have a bioposy done on the remains to see if I can get some answers. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes, hoping you make the right decision for you.

[WillSantaComeAgain]

Hi remnant - I had ERPC with mmc1 and glad I did, because it was quick, easy and painless. I felt (physically) fine within a week and so could get on with emotional recovery. Currently on mmc2 and am in work while I wait for the review, but I definitely want to go down the surgical route. After two months of uncertainty, I don't want any more waiting. Glad I came into work as the thought of sitting around at home doing nothing today would drive me mad!

Also (and I don't know if this either true or is something you're emotionally ready to even consider) but I've heard your chances of conceiving quickly again are higher with an ERPC, as its all "nice and clean" in there? I hope that doesn't upset you to think about it, but for me it is really important to start TTC again straight away (I am full of regret that I waited over a year after DC1 to TTC again because I had no idea that a year on I'd still not have got passed the 12 week scan .

[lotsofcheese]

Hello Remnant, how are you doing? So sorry you've found yourself on this thread, but there's good support here; I found it helpful after my 2 m/c.

I had surgery both times, as I was worried about time off work & the unpredictability of natural m/c whilst looking after a toddler - with no family nearby & a DP who often worked away.

It really was the best thing as it also helped me move on emotionally too. It was just a day case in hospital & relatively painless, with little bleeding/pain. I would have been back at work within 48 hours physically, but the emotional side took longer.

Thinking of you & hoping things work out whatever way is best for you xx

[remnant]

Can I ask how long it took your cycles to get back to normal after your surgery?

There's still no sign of any developments here, and I can't see any day this week I can think of as a good day to spend in hospital. Carrying on like nothing is happening seems to be the easiest way forward for now.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts.

[lotsofcheese]

With the 1st m/c at 7 weeks, my cycles were straight back to normal.

After the 2nd m/c, a mmc at 11.5 weeks (had stopped at 9+1ish), the 1st cycle was normal (about a week longer than usual)- then my cycles went haywire for a couple of months. Lots of bleeding. But I then became pregnant quite quickly.

I think the ERCP procedure clears your uterus out very efficiently & gives you a nice clean lining for conceiving, if that's what you want to do.

[holidaysdistantmemory]

Really sorry to hear this, I had the same last June. I have 2 dcs, and opted for surgery. Hospital was fantastic, allowed me to fit op in with nursery times, so dropped them off, had op, dh picked me up, and home before kids. I felt physically fine the next day, didn't hurt at all, except for being a bit woozy from gen an. It was definitely the best option for me, having kids I couldn't risk starting to have a massive bleed with them on own in tesco, playgroup, at work etc. And they were none the wiser, so protected. Mentally it took a longer while to heal. Good luck x