Confused/Dealing with a first-time miscarriage

[MrsStewartson]

This is my first pregnancy/miscarriage and I totally was not prepared. I found out I was pregnant around 6 wks. I didn't have my first ultrasound until around 10wks but up until that point all my tests were perfectly normal. I am in perfect health and I am in my 20's. I figured I was in the clear for anything like this. I went for my 10 week ultrasound only to see nothing but a pregnancy sack on the ultrasound. No heartbeat, nothing. I returned a week later for another us to make sure I hadn't just conceived at a later date, thus making the baby too small to see. My doctor confirmed it was a mc. Up until that point I'd had no pain, no bleeding, nothing. I was still having pregnancy symptoms, even though it seems I may have lost the baby at 6 weeks.

I would be 13 weeks today and bleeding just started yesterday early morning around 1:30am. It was light bleeding, not even enough to consider a real period, then it went away around 5:30/6:00am. It returned today around 4:00am and it is a little heavier though, still not anything like I'd expect. Still no pain but I'm having nausea.

I have an appointment to see my doctor this Friday to determine if I need to have a D&C done. I am honestly dreading that, I would much rather let it naturally happen.

I am so confused because of my crazy, not "normal" miscarriage symptoms and that is only making the depression worse. Has anyone experienced any of this? How did you cope?

[MrsStewartson]

I also would like to know if the baby will be identifiable when/if I have the full miscarriage. (If I don't have to get a D&C)

[brighteryear]

Hello,

I've just been through the exact same thing. Except due to bad cramps I started having scans from around week 6. By the 4th scan (and a very anxious wait over xmas) I was told my twin gestational sacs were empty. I too had no symptons at all and kept hoping they would find the heartbeats. It was confirmed as a blighted ovum. I decided to have a D&C the next day as I just wanted the whole thing over and I wanted to recover. There was also no sign at all of a mc coming on so I didn't like not knowing when it was all going to happen.

The hospital staff were brilliant. I had the ERPC last Friday and I'm starting to feel better now. The worst part was waking up in quite a bit of pain but I don't think that is normal. Within a few hours I felt a lot better with painkillers and I was resting at home. It was the best decision for me. I feel quite down about it now. One minute we were expecting twins and making plans now nothing. It seems all of my friends are pregnant now too! I know I'll feel better with time but it is truly rubbish at the moment. I know how you feel. x

[MrsStewartson]

Thanks for your response. It helps to have someone understand what I'm going through. I understand what you mean about making plans one minute and then nothing. Everything comes to a grinding halt. I'm still in "nesting" mode because of everything being so sudden and I'm having a hard time not looking at nursery decorating ideas, even though it is painful. I am nervous about a D&C and I think the terminology the doctors use makes it harder: "extracting the tissues" because of course to me it is my baby, not tissues. I thought I'd rather have a natural miscarriage which looks like it may be starting now but I don't know how traumatizing that will be. If by Friday I haven't had a full miscarriage I will talk to my doctor about a D&C. It is hard when it's so prolonged like this.

Thanks again for your response, I am so sorry for your loss and I hope your future pregnancies will go much smoother.

[Geekster]

Hi MrsSrewartson, sorry to hear you are going through this. I have had both natural miscarriages and a D&C I must say the D&C was easier physically but mentally there wasn't any difference. With a natural miscarriage I had severe period type pains and very heavy bleeding for a few hours, then it subsided to less heavy bleeding and only moderate pain, the bleeding lasted a good couple of weeks, but wasn't painfull after a few days. The baby, doesn't look like a baby when it comes out, it's not obvious what it is. If you do end up needing a D&C try not to worry to much. I found it painless and a quicker recovery physically than a natural miscarriage.

I know what you mean about medical terminology when I had my D&C the technical term was that I had had a missed abortion not a missed miscarriage talk about stupid insensitive terminology.

Whatever route you choose, just be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. It's a bereavement the same as any other and it takes time to get your head round it and start to heal mentally. The limbo you are in at the moment doesn't help.

Take care, and I wish you the best of luck for the future.

[MrsStewartson]

Hi Geekster. It is crazy how many women go through this, I mean, they say it's fairly common but it's one of those "it'll never happen to me" things. My heart goes out to every mother who has had a miscarriage.

It's comforting to hear/read so many positive things about a D&C experience, and I do believe it would be the best route for me if by Friday I still haven't had the full miscarriage. I agree this limbo stage isn't making things any easier.

The term "abortion" should never be associated with the loss of a baby that wasn't done purposely. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Thank you so much for your response, I can't tell you how much it means to me and helps me to be encouraged by others who have been through this and understand.

[AmelieRose]

Hi Mrs Stewartson. I had a D&C yesterday at 9 weeks. It is my first pregnancy and first miscarriage. I wanted to reassure you that if you decide to go that route I felt very well looked after. The nurses and doctors were all lovely, very understanding and kind.

I was in a bit of pain yesterday afterwards and again today, although not as much. The co-codamol is helping lots, as is the cuddles from my husband and family.

I feel ok, just a bit flat. I had an incomplete miscarriage so for me the D&C was the best way to go as it got it over with - it's been a very long process for me as I found out I was pregnant at just 3 weeks and have had 4 scans, so it's felt like a very long slog.

Whatever you decide take care of yourself - it's a difficult process. xx

[diyqueen]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it really sucks doesn't it. Just coming to give experience of a 'natural' miscarriage as I'm having one at the moment - started at about 8 weeks but sounds the same as yours in terms of just having a sac, and similar symptoms.

It started on 14th December, lightish red bleeding that got heavier overnight with cramps and then continued pretty much like a period. It's been a very drawn-out process with lots of hospital visits and blood tests. The sac itself didn't come out until just before new year, so 2 weeks after the bleeding started. At least, I think it has - have had no scan since to confirm. What I saw, to answer your question, was a smallish clump of pinkish skin, definitely different from the clots/gunk, and a bit yuck, but nothing recognisable as a baby. The bleeding had slowed before the sac came out but has been quite heavy again since.

Anyway, we're 3 and a half weeks on and I'm still bleeding and am completely fed up with it, though I think the end's in sight - it's starting to slow again and hormone levels are low now. I think I'd do the same if this happens again... it has been a slow process but I kind of wanted my body to sort itself out.

All the best, whatever happens, and good luck for next time x

[MrsStewartson]

I want to thank you all for your compassion, comfort and understanding. This has been a very difficult, confusing process that feels like forever.

I really appreciate all of your feedback! I want to let you all know you have all helped me significantly with your responses!

Best of luck for all of you in the future! xx