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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Back to work feeling blue thread

21 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 02/01/2013 06:47

ERPC was 2 weeks ago. 'great' timing really as have had the hols to recover. Physically am doing ok now & thought i was doing alright emotionally.

Today it's suddenly hit home. I'm going back to my career, wherevid expected to be on maternity leave in 6 months time with a beautiful baby by the end of 2013. Oh no. The way dates have now worked out it will be very very end of 2013 if we're extremely lucky...maybe 2014 now before this becomes a reality. & only then if no more MCs.

My colleague I sit with started TTC at same time and obviously hasn't taken a break for MC (I hope she never has to!!!) & letting body recover. So highly likely il be sat in a room with her preggers & going off on leave way before me.

Just feeling so sad for what should have been.

Anyone else the same?

OP posts:

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Helish · 02/01/2013 09:43

I know exactly how you feel. Work has been horrendous in recent months and the only thing getting me through was knowing I would be leaving in six months for mat leave. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few weeks and feel so low about it all.

EllaRees · 02/01/2013 12:20

Hi there, I am feeling this too so thank you for posting and sharing - I have to go back to work on Friday having had a month of for MMC followed by ERPC diagnosed at 12 week scan. They are being v supportive which I am thankful for but I know what you mean about going back when you had expected to be going on maternity leave. I also have a pregnant colleague and we had been talking a lot about our pregnancies as we both had morning sickness woes, and she'll be coming up to 20 weeks when I go back. I'm ok at home but simply cannot imagine doing my job even though it's not rocket science. When do you actually start back?

Helish · 02/01/2013 15:08

I'm due back next tues but already dreading it. The politics and tiny dramas that people get worked up about will be unbearable. I either need to get pregnant in the next few months or it's time to dust off the cv. Life is too short.

twentythirteen · 02/01/2013 15:16

I'm having a wobbly day too. I had a mmc caught at 12 weeks about 5 weeks ago. One of my best friends is also a colleague and 2 weeks ahead of where I was. My work environment is also diabolical - I'm hanging on for the maternity leave pay and am waiting to make changes until after that. Luckily I have this week off as I also woke up this morning feeling glum - I should also have had a lovely baby born in October 2012. So glad to see the back of an awful year. I hope we all have a much better 2013.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 02/01/2013 17:08

Hellish- I so could have written your post. My colleagues (not all but those I work closest with) are single, no kids, and the picky things they whinge about just make me want to shout "get over it!" at the best of times.

I'm not due back til Monday anyway (teacher) but have a sick note to use if I want- would you recommend I do?! Silly question maybe but I just don't know how I feel or if it's going to hit me at a later date, as soon as I get in and someone has a moan about something trivial like photocopying (I kid you not)

BoyMeetsWorld · 02/01/2013 17:10

Me too! It was today I went back. It was better than I'd feared actually (helps that I do actually quite like my job) and kept my mind busy.

But there was a hideous moment when one of our friends came in and started talking all about his gf's bump, scan photos etc. I just desperately tried to focus on my screen instead. My good friend / colleague who I was 'baby racing' with knows what happened so is being quite tactful - but she doesn't seem to regard it as a big deal at all. Nor does my DH. It perplexes me.

My body is feeling very 'happy' - clearly glad to be rid as things weren't right. But my mind is far from it, still full of regret. & impatience...but I'm terrified the same thing will just keep happening. I don't think id have the nerve to go through repeat mcs.

OP posts:

GeraldineAubergine · 02/01/2013 17:39

I'm sorry you had to go through all this. I was due back at work next Monday after an erpc on dec 14th but now I have to have a 2nd erpc this Friday. Frankly, I wish I was going back to work. Never thought I'd type that!

BoyMeetsWorld · 02/01/2013 17:54

Oh no, what a nightmare! I hope it's all over as soon as possible for you. I was concerned I might not be complete, but thankfully bleedings now stopped...

OP posts:

Helish · 02/01/2013 19:17

blackholes I'd personally make full use of a sicknote. I'd take a month if I could but I know I have to face work sometime. I can't believe how happy I was when I knew I was pregnant and had a 'get out' date.

Helish · 08/01/2013 09:48

So first day back at work and I'm finding it difficult to bet through the day. I should have been telling everyone I was pregnant instead I'm sat here fighting back tears and feeling so low. Life can be very cruel sometimes.

PseudoBadger · 08/01/2013 12:22

I'm so glad I found you all - I went back last week for 2 days (I'm part time) and found it ok as it was so quiet, but I've come back today and I'm feeling so sad :(

I've had a long wallowing thread in here already so I won't bore you, but I had a 12 week m/c on the 30th Nov which was very incomplete; I eventually had an erpc on the 20th Dec. So although I've had 4 weeks off, I only had one of those after the erpc. Therefore it feels so fresh in my head :(

2 colleagues who were the same number of weeks as me now have bumps :(

Helish · 08/01/2013 13:13

So sorry you're feeling like that but glad to know I'm not the only one. It's hard when everyone asks if i had a good xmas - er no, i spent xmas eve having an emergency erpc! I just have to hope I can get pregnant quickly and this time it ends with a healthy baby. It must be so hard working with pregnant women. Part of me wants to tell everyone as my baby did exist.

PseudoBadger · 09/01/2013 16:53

Well I spoke to my boss yesterday and she suggested that I came back too soon. So I've been off today and I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I slept for 3 hours today - I just feel drained and exhausted.

Geekster · 09/01/2013 18:53

Sorry to hear you are all going through this. I always found going back to work really difficult, it does get slightly easier over time, if you can get yourself back in gently. If like you Pseudo you find you can't manage when you get back, take more time off. I had to take more time off once I just wasn't ready to face everyone.

PseudoBadger, sorry you are still feeling so low, but after all that happend to you it's hardly surprising. I think sometimes you focus on getting sorted out physically so that when you are it hits you even harder mentally.

Helish your baby did exist, if you want to tell people tell them, sometimes it helps if people know, even if it makes it even harder at first when everyone is sympathetic.

Take care and the best of luck for the future.

Helish · 09/01/2013 19:26

Thanks Geekster. I did tell a few close colleagues today as a couple of people asked if I was ok. Out of the four I told, three have. Even through the same thing which was really comforting in a strange way. A friend at work announced her pregnancy today and she has my due date. She's not had the easiest time getting pregnant so I was really happy for her but expecting some sad/strange times in the coming months as she gets bigger.

Hope the sleep helped Pseudo. Look after yourself and take your time going back to work, your boss sounds very sympathetic.

Helish · 09/01/2013 19:27

Bloody phone! Meant to say 3 have gone through the same thing

PseudoBadger · 11/01/2013 15:04

Geekster, thank you for posting, you are always so lovely. How are you Helish?
The doctor signed me off today for this week just gone and next week, and then suggested a phased return to work eg just mornings for a couple of weeks.

Geekster · 11/01/2013 19:53

Aw thanks PseudoBadger, just glad I can be of some little help. I wish I had found these boards when I was having my miscarriages as people are so supportive of each other.

Sounds like a sensible plan having another week off then going back slowly, but if you need more time you need it.

Hope you are okay Helish, it is a strange comfort talking to other people who have been through the same thing, it helps because you have an idea about how they may be feeling even though everyone is different. You just have to allow yourself to feel how you feel. Sometimes it just hits you out of the blue, even years later. I had a miscarriage at Christmas five years ago, and while I have though about it every year since this year it hit me quite hard for some reason.

I hope you are okay, take care.

Helish · 12/01/2013 21:51

Thank you both for your kind and supportive words, I've had problems with the internet the past few days so haven't been able to log on and I've missed the support and community on this board. Past few days have been ok, a bit up and down but DH and I have decided to jump back on the ttc train. I think if I leave it I'll get too scared to try again and I'd like something positive to come out out of this situation. It's odd the things that hit you isn't it - watching the news yesterday I realised Kate Middleton's due date is going to be a couple of weeks after mine and I found that really upset me! Maybe it's the prospect of months of press coverage about every bit of her pregnancy.

Geekster · 12/01/2013 22:24

It must be hard having realised about Kate Middletons baby, like you say there is no getting away from it. Here's hoping now you are ttc will soon be pregnant again. Not that you will ever forget about the baby you have lost, but it might be slightly less painful. We had six miscarriages, but finally had our DD in March last year, so good things can and do happen. Not that I'm saying for a minute you won't be fine next time there is no reason why not. You know where we are if you want to ask any questions, talk or just vent.

Wishing you and your DH the very best of luck for the future x

Helish · 12/01/2013 22:26

Thank you and congratulations on your DD x

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