I gave birth to my son in April at 21 weeks, it has been a devastating time and I am still overwhelmed by the sadness. I really believe the only thing that got me through those initial days and the delivery was the belief that this was not my last experience of giving birth that I would have another baby.
My DH however told me in July that he does not want anymore children, it has totally crushed me. We already have two beautiful DD (8 and 3) and he had to be persuaded to have number 3. We struggled to have number 2 (3 missed miscarriages) and so we agreed to try for the third until the summer and if nothing happened we would stop. He feels I am going back on that agreement, his view is we tried for a baby there is no baby so that's the end. He also now sights all the reasons he did before for not having another, money, time, his age (he is 14 years older than me). And of course he is worried what will happen if it all goes wrong again. I totally hear what he is saying and respect his view, he is right in much of what he says. But he does not hear me, he does not feel my pain, he was of course devastated that we lost our son but he says he does not feel it like I do, that it was a pregnancy that went wrong he doesn't feel the loss of the child we should now have. I miss the baby I didn't carry full term and I miss and long for the son who should be sat here now with me, he just didn't feel the way I did about the baby, he says that connection does not come for him until the baby is here in his arms. We feel like we are oceans apart, I know if he felt my pain and how desperately I want it to stop that he would agree to us having another baby. I know another baby will not replace the son we lost but I felt like there was a space in our family for a third child now that space is a giant gaping hole waiting to be filled.
I feel like I could stop breathing from the pain and cry so much, the trouble is now I don't know what or who I am crying for, the child I lost, the child I feel I will never have, the huge stress on my marriage or all of them!
yesterday DH called me while I was working, with excitement in his voice to tell me his friends wife had just had a little boy, I just said "oh" he sounded very shirty with me and said"what does that mean Oh" i said "just how very lucky for them" with a note of anger I must admit. He just signed like oh god here we go she's still not got over it. I just burst out crying. When I told him later how I felt he was totally bemused and quite aggressive with me, he said I knew she was having a baby so whats the problem and that its not their fault. Of course he's right but it just reminds me how far apart we are on this subject and reinforces my belief he will never change his mind.
Please if anyone has had a similar experience please let me know, I suppose I am looking for some hope or just to be heard.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Wanting another baby after miscarriage DH says No.
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VmSC · 07/11/2012 10:40
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