DH left me before Xmas, we got back together (his choice) - coincidentally when I told him I was moving up north! He has been messing around hiding his phones and admitted to having kept in touch with his ex-girlfriend for past 8 yrs (says they are only friends!), I couldn't handle the dishonesty/secrecy with the phone etc. so told him to leave and he's quite happy to do so - said he wasn't happy being back anyway and that there's something missing from the relationship! Think he planned it this way to ease his guilty conscience about leaving the first time - at least he can tell the dd's I kicked HIM out this time!
Getting to the point though, I just HATE being a single parent and I need some advice - does it get any easier?
I'm tearful and snappy all the time and I hate myself. I don't let my poor dd hardly do anything! I just snap at her and tell her to be quiet, behave and continuously say NO to her! etc. etc. My youngest dd is hard work and screams most of the time and I end up screaming back and telling her to shut up. Please don't get me wrong it's not 24/7 but I just hate myself when I do this to them! I tell myself to stop being horrible, am nice for a while and then just snap again. I think I'm ruining their early years - my dd is slamming doors and shouting at me back (copying me) and I hate that too. What can I do to stop myself?
I resent having the children at times (even though I love them to bits) and just feel like dumping them on him and disappearing out of their lives! I would NEVER have had the dd's if I knew I was going to end up bringing them up on my own! I just feel like a crap mum for thinking all these horrible things.
Sometimes, when they are jumping all over me and wont leave me alone I just scream at them and don't want them in my personal space and then I cry my eyes out because they obviously sense my pain and just want to be near me for some love and attention. My eldest dd quite often asks me why I'm sad and puts her arms around me and I burst into tears, and again I hate myself for showing her all these negative emotions and letting her learn and copy my crap behaviour!! Will this stick with her and make her be like this later in her life? Or is it too early to make such a big impact on her life?
Some days I don't even like walking round the shops or being out on our own because I just feel so lonely and I have no enthusiasm to be a parent on my own.
HELP - will I snap out of this? Will I enjoy my life again - do I have a life? Will I turn into the nice mum that my dd's deserve?
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I'm struggling to be a Single Parent - does it get easier?
23 replies
talie · 01/06/2005 16:03
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