finally seeing the light and at last finally stood up for myself (sorry long)

[TLV]

stb exdh phoned earlier to discuss bills, wants to come over and talk this week, whenever I say anything he takes it the wrong way and I get swore at and the phone hung up on me, well not tonight I told him that I wasn't going to take his verbal abuse anymore and to go away and start trying to think like an adult, I've had a lovely day with dd and him calling almost spoilt it.

In the midst of the conversation I was explaining about me keeping the house and if and when if I ever meet someone else and them moving in (long way off) but oh he didn't like it, I reminded him that that was the reality of the situation and that we were over he said something that we weren't something about the divorce not being final but so what technically we are finished,

he has been a complete git the last few months but whans things to be nicey nicey so he doesn't have to feel bad well tough not anymore, i'm civil because of dd but no more than that because of late he has to my mind taken advantage of the situation, he is annoyed because I don't want him coming to dd parents evening with me i told him he could arrange to make an appt to go himself if he wanted to (still wasn't happy) but then I thought stuff it and told him why I didn't want him there with me, I'm the one raising her alone, I get up with her every morning put her to bed, deals with the temper tantrums and the nights she is up poorly and is up in the freezing bloody cold 7 o clock in the morning taking her to nursery so my mind he is no parent.

arrrghhh I'm well rid!!! when I think of all the pain and heartache i've put myself through for him, when all he wants is to wash his hands and not feel bad about anything, arse!!

[Alambil]

Well done!!

It is no mean feat to get to the stage where you think "actually - if you want the information, you bloody well get it yourself!"

Just don't go back on it and backdown - stay strong; he will soon get the message that his temper tantrums don't work.

Why do men have to be treated like 2 year olds?!

[jo1987]

I completely understand why you feel this way my BF is similar always expecting me to do everything, in fact he's at uni and won't even do the night feeds at weekends for our DD, despite me being on citalopram for PND. Anyhow, sometimes it's so tempting when he's on the phone while DD is screaming telling me how he's had a tiring night and how he's sitting watching TV with his friends when I'm all alone I just want it all to end and want to leave him or worse tell him DD isn't his (even though she is) just to make him leave me alone.
We had one argument and he said he wouldn't come home unless I would let him stay at mine and he had to stay at his parents- show much initiation to see DD!
To cut a long story short,I know that to make him lose out on DD is unfair and that I know by making him be part of her I am doing nothing wrong and no one can tell me I have made it difficult for him and most importantly DD to bond, so in my opinion just try to not compare because in the long haul she will realise if you have cut him out and she will realise who has been doing all the hard work- you.

[gillybean2]

Your daughter has two parents and always will. He will always be her father. Whether she has a dad or simply a father is a different matter though. Try and find ways of making sure he remains a positive part of her life and is a dad as well as her father.

I think you did right to let him know that everything is not ok and that you are upset and angry. But sometimes it doesn't come out right when we let our emotions get the better of us. Plus it sounds like you are talking at cross purposes and he is reading a different meaning into what you say than you mean. Don't give him ammo to use against you as an 'emotional' woman not able to deal with it all.

Think about getting some mediation if you have trouble talking to each other, and more importantly understanding each other.

It is no doubt easier for him to deal with if he kids himself you are ok with it all and you act as if it is. But you need time to heal and grieve and he has to understand you are now seperated and apart even if the divorce is not finalised.

It also sounds like he's suffering from that age old jealousy problem. Even if you are not a couple any more he doesn't want to think of you with anone else. Course it's all hypothetical, but you'd probably feel upset too at the though of him with someone else.

Build on the strength you've gained from this. You are in control of your life and future, ok you have to come together to discuss your daughter, but your life is your own.

As far as the parents evening goes stick to your guns. It is good that he is interested and wants to come, but he can do that at a different time from you. How can you concentrate on your daughter and what the teacher is saying if you have all the other emotions and thoughts churning away if he is also there. Put your daughter first, and if the way to do that at her parents evening is by being able to give the teacher your full attention then don't be bullied into his way of thinking. You can always say 'it's too soon for me to be able to deal with couply situations and so i want to do this seperately'. He can't really argue with that even if he doesn't like it,

Best of luck
Gilly