Ex has applied to CSA ... advice sought....

[yerblurt]

Hi all, would welcome some advice - didn't think I would find myself here, but there you go.

History:

• Me and ex separated March 2003, currently going through the divorce process (I'm the petitioner - grounds of 2 years post-sep with consent), ex has been delaying on the paperwork with financial details (more later). Also getting a Consent Order (i.e. clean financial break) so ex doesn't have any claim on my pension (such as it is lol) or spousal maintenance. We are relatively young (me 35, ex 33), went to Family Mediation post-separation and came to an agreement re. finances. Marriage was short - 4 1/2 years. One child born dec 2002.

• Finances: former matrimonial home sold, joint debts paid off and equity split 60:40. (most of it all pissed up the wall on the subsequent court action when ex decided to apply for sole residency). All finances sorted out and documented in Family Mediation agreeement, plus me and ex signed an agreement of the division of the finances.

• Recently been through the family court system, now have a Shared Residence Order which defines the number of overnight stays daughter (5 years old) lives with me - works out about 152 o/n's per year.

• Have new child with partner.

• Daughter was been in full-time nursery at my employers (I paid as it was deducted from salary directly, me and ex agreed for continuity that daughter would stay in nursery) until leaving to go to school (sept last year).

• ex tried to stiff me for full-time nursery fees for child maintenance (£550 per month!), but had anticipated this and done CSA online calculator calculation - £151 per month. Offered that to ex, via her solicitors, have written agreement (emails) that she agrees to that. CM was payable by standing order and is labelled "Child Maintenance" on my bank details, payed into ex's account.

• I also pay 1/2 daughters school lunch costs (£20 month) - so the ex in fact gets a figure of £171 month.

This morning get a phone call from "Department of Work and Pensions" at 11am - lady on the phone wanted to talk to me about child maintenance, I immediately said I would not communicate with them verbally, all communication was to be in writing but I did confirm my address with what their records stated. I also pointed out that there was a private arrangement in place.

other details:

• I've recently in the last month reduced my working hours by 4 1/2 hours (childcare commitments), so I now work 30.5 hours instead of 35 hours (breaks excluded), so in fact my CSA online calculation is about £130 a month! I've not reduced the standing order to reflect this, but all good will is now out of the window eh.

.... so what to expect dear mumsnet users?

• rather mystified as the ex's actions - it's obviously driven by her getting sight of my wage details during the divorce petition, I'm still waiting for her financial details!!! She obviously thinks she can get more money this way, she is in for a BIG surprise. I will be paying the CSA monies and no more - that includes no lunch money as CM covers everything. The ex has pi$$ed her good will up the wall on this little exercise. As if wasting thousands on the residence application wasn't enough?

so what do I expect - the thwack of the little brown envelope next week?

what will the CSA want, presumably 2 payslips (which they can have - i've got NOTHING to hide now!), they can have a copy of new daughters birth certificate proving her existence and also a copy of the court order which states the contact schedule. It's a very defined court order stating that daughter lives with me for:
week 1: fri, sat, sun o/n (pick up from school fri, return to school mon)
week 2: fri o/n

1/2 of all holidays, and inset days.

I can attach a calendar with the number of o/n's coloured in for the CSA too.

thoughts people and advice?

PS what about them saying they are the dept. work and pension????

[wildfish]

Sorry no advice, but if anyone has it sorted it will be you

Thought the CSA were part of the DWP.

[Creole]

yep, you've definately have done your homework - I don't think you need any advice, other than there are some websites for men in your circumstance. Fathers need justice, I think that's what its called.

Some women are really greedy, some of us don't get a dime. My DS hasn't seen his dad in years.

Well done you!

[MascaraOHara]

If you have 50% residancy you will have to pay very very little.

It's so nice to see a commited father posting here. There are so many of us single mums getting completely screwed by the child(rens) father(s). It's refreshing to see a man happy to support his children both emotionally and financially.

[MascaraOHara]

Fathers Fro Justice, isn;t the best recommendation is it.. do you actually know what they stand for.

[lostdad]

What do they stand for?

[Dropdeadfred]

I do find it sad that it can come to this...where a dad can count to the last penny what he 'has' to pay and does so and a mother can try and screw a few more pounds out of him anyay.

Jeeez...

[missingtheaction]

Excellent thinking on refusing to speak on the phone to 'dept of work and pensions' and insisting on getting it in writing.

Only thought is, if CSA reduce your cm to your ex, will this have a negative impact on your daughter? would you feel comfortable with this or would you feel more comfortable with being a bit generous? depends of course whether daughter or mother is going to benefit from your generosity!

[Creole]

Yep thats the one!

I think in all organisations you have those who take things to the extreme. But I think their website have some useful advice for people in the OP's position.

There are other websites for dads that I can't thing of.

[MascaraOHara]

Not much imVho.

They certainly do not have the best interests of the children at heart. They are very much an organsation of bitter men who have been (or feel thay have been) screwed over. Perhaps some of them have been treated unfairly.

What an, ANY, organisation needs to realises is that these blanket rules for everyone don't work and these situations needs to be dealt with on a case by case basis.

Personally for me, Fathers 4 Justice are a disgrace and are not doing anybody any favours.. particularly those men who are genuinely interested ensuring the their children regardless of their own thoughts and feelings.

Their publicity methods are shambolic, their requests are flawed and they are not respected by anybody other than their members.. who for the most part have questionable motive.

[Creole]

That's your opinion MascaraOHara, but it has been very helpful to lone fathers in the past and probably now

Unfortunately, some of their very public antics, haven't helped matters.

[MascaraOHara]

It is and I started my post with the exact statement.

I was asked what they stood for and I gave my opinion. Which I am very entitled to do.

I would have much mpre respect for an organisation that showed tact, insight and concern.

I have as much respct for F4J as I have for the BNP.

[scorpio1]

my DH's ex did this when the CSA sent her our income details by accident!! we did have a private arrangement of £100 p/m plus most extras - clothes, shoes, our fuel expenses (he lives 300 miles away)and other bits. it ended up being alot of money but he wanted to help her.

Then she started asking the CSA for an assessment instead of the private arrangement and she now gets less - we pay £140 p/m on the csa orders, and nothing more apart from our fuel. Like you say, its the goodwill and partially her greediness, thinking she is entitled to the majority of DH's income, even though i am a SAHM and am pg with our 3rd child!

Also on top of what you have already prepared, do you have receipts of stuff or bank statements to show what extras you have bought?they do look at it and it will help.

Good luck.

[VictorianSqualor]

I doubt you'll have to pay her any extra, especially as you have another child and the child between you stays overnight.
What would you do if the CSA say you have to pay a lesser amount though?
Would you agree to pay what you are already paying?
As for the DWP, is she claiming beniefits of any sort?
If so they may have done it off their own back without ehr asking them to.

[lostdad]

I have to say...if I were denied all contact with my son, with no prospect of that changing I would join in an instant.

[lostdad]

And yes...if I did...it would be fair to say that I would be `bitter'.

[MascaraOHara]

If you were deinied all contact with your son because it was better for his physical and mental health to be kept away from you then I think you have to think long and hard about your reasons for joining the organisation..

Still we digress and are onto a very hypothetical discussion.. However interesting it may be I think we are detracting from the purpose of the thread (and I have a meeting to attend)

[harman]

Message withdrawn

[Creole]

jeez, it sounds like you don't like people disagreeing with you MAscaraOhara.

I replied to your post directed at me in which you asked me "Do you know what they stand for?" But you replied with an angry post. My goodness, its too early love, enjoy your meeting and chill out!

[VictorianSqualor]

It's threads like these that make me glad XDP doesnt pay a penny towards his children, I wouldn't want to squeeze his hard earned cahs out of him so he couldnt spend it out on the lash.

[harman]

Message withdrawn

[MascaraOHara]

My post isn't angry at all Creole. I responded to you with my opinion.. I actually enjoy a healthy debate, why should I shy away from disagreeing with somebody for fear of upsetting them?

My post at 9:44 was in direct response to LostDad not Creole.

I stand by my right to post my opinion on a open forum, if you chose to interpret it as 'angry' then that is up to you.

[MascaraOHara]

PS. I don't like being patronised so you can drop the 'love'

[Creole]

Obsolutely, we all have our opinions. But you stated in your post (directed at me) at 9.13am:

Quote:
Fathers Fro Justice, isn;t the best recommendation is it.. do you actually know what they stand for.

This is what am referring to, this is based on your opinion that "the organisation is not the best recommendation" but I happen to know people who have been helped by them, so it's not all that negative.

Anyway, this is going off topic....

[Creole]

Yerblurt - the F4J website and others are just an information site. ( I don't believe you have to be a member to trawl their site for into). I'm sure you are intelligent enough to decipher the wealth of info they have and use relevant info to your advantage.

Good luck, you are on the right track anyway.

[Lauriefairycake]

I definitely wouldn't say 'it's obviously driven by her getting sight of your wage slips' - it may be entirely driven by outside influences

It sounds like you've both had an emotionally tough time.

I can see why if you've previously had to be antagonistic (the divorce process is antagonistic not that I'm saying you are being) that she just wants it all done and dusted and the financials set in stone as far as possible.

Even is she knows she's not entitled to more money maybe she justs wants it sorted out once and for all so that there's nothing left to argue over.

If it were me I could imagine being like this - i would want someone else like the CSA to administrate this so that i didn't have to have emotional conversations again about the money going up and down, your hours going up and down.