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Am I the only one?

6 replies

dolallylass · 31/01/2008 19:25

Does anyone feel that they do all the work and the dc's dad gets most of the adoration?

My dd has just done a family tree at school and has added her dad, his girlfiend, her son and my ds. I am on there but she missed my boyfriend off! I hate that 'they' seem to get 50% credit when I do all the work.

My boyfriend doesn't live with us but he is often here, although when it comes to day to day drudgery its usually just me!!

I have pushed hard in the past for their dad to have them more, even to take them to classes etc. and he refuses, only having them every 2nd weekend. This has left us hardly communicating and I find it v difficult to be positive about him. He has made it clear he has a new life and there is a time and place for them to be involved.

Very frustrating. Just wondered if I am the only one.??

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mogs0 · 31/01/2008 19:43

One day they'll know, for themselves, what kind of input he has had in their lives and will also know how much you do for them.

My parents divorced when I was 11 and I stayed with my Mum but was constantly reminded by her that it was his fault the family had broken up, bla, bla, bla. There are some things children don't need to be told. So even though it was her that did the day to day stuff for me (although not very much coz I was 11) it is my Dad that I would rather spend time with.

Could your dcs join in with the day to day drudgery? I think if Mum and I had done more things together our relationship could have been a lot better and we'd be able to communicate better.

That's probably really crap and of no use whatsoever, my usual advice is put the tv on and have a vodka! Works for me everytime!!!!!

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MAMAZON · 31/01/2008 19:46

it angers me at times that he only ever spends quality timwe with them.

he never has to tell them off or nag them to clean their room/brush teeth etc.

he will always be seen as the more fun parent as they only have to experiance him in "nice" mode.

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dolallylass · 31/01/2008 19:51

Thanks mogs. I adore tham and ferry them here and there to clubs, have their mates round once a week and try in every way I can to make the most of what is a beautiful time in their lives (they are 6 and 8).

I do feel that us splitting up has actually made me much closer to them but I also feel so lonely and although I understand kids just want life to be normal and things at their dads house is more '2.4' it does get to me (really try not to tell them - but I cant imagine for a second that they don't know how I feel about him).
Don't drink, but will make a huge cuppa tea and crunch a nicorette!!

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dolallylass · 31/01/2008 19:54

Mamazon, the sad part is I was the chilled parent and the nagging kills me, but they have been walking all over me and I have had to clamp down with dicipline for my sanity.
I do hope mogs is right and one day they will thing 'crikey that was a tough job' - how long do you think 20years???!!![shocked]

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littlewoman · 31/01/2008 20:37

The minute they have their own children is the minute they will understand the part you played in their lives. My xh is an arse. He takes them on foreign holidays and skiing, whilst giving me ten pounds a week maintenance, and I'm a student, so we sit at home eating beans on toast, whilst he takes them all over the bleeding country/world. But I know I'm still the dude out of the two of us. I hope you know you are too.

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mogs0 · 31/01/2008 21:09

Phew, glad some others came along with helpful advice/support!!

My ds doesn't see his Dad at all so only gets the nagging parent which makes me sad because he doesn't get the balance of fun/nagging that most children with 2 parents get whether they're together or not. Do you think you'd feel the same if you were still together (obviously without his g/f and your b/f in the equation!!)?

I reckon 20 years is about right (depending on what age they are now)!!

What kind of things do you find you nag them about? My biggest nag is ds' messy bedroom which is really unfair of me because I'm a really untidy person so shouldn't expect him to keep his stuff neat and tidy when he sees the mess I leave! I get frustrated because I'd really like to be neat and tidy but I'm not sure it's in me to be that way.

note to self - must be more organised and tidy!!

Sorry, rambling again! Enjoy your cuppa!!

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