Does anyone else feel they are sometimes struggling to discipline their children effectively on their own?

[Pinkchampagne]

Because I have felt this way quite a few times just recently.
They always seem to behave for their dad, but not for me, and I feel I'm getting it all wrong.

Sunday evening I ended up in tears because I lost it with my 8 year old son, and we have had another falling out this evening. Although I remained quite calm earlier, as he was stropping behind me due to not being allowed a comic (this was because he didn't behave great on the walk to the garage), I felt far from calm inside, and still don't.

Do others have moments like this?

Not sure why I feel defeated & close to tears at times either, as I'm supposed to be the adult here, but it sometimes runs me right down.

[MotherFunker]

Oh, absolutely! My DH has been away for a few days on business and my 3 yr old has been extra wilful (he is demanding at the best of times!) and throwing tantrums left right and centre. I don't seem to be able to discipline him very well at the moment, and then I lose my rag and get all screechy and annoyed with him and myself...and I know it's futile and not good for either of us, but I get so frustrated and teary about it. I feel like my little boy really tests me when it's just the two of us. Needless to say, I will have a moan about it to DH when he comes home from wafting around Cannes having a great time (grrr) and then tomorrow, DS will be angelic. Raaaah!

[MeMySonAndI]

I have the policy not to comment on other's children behaviour if they are older than mine (because it is unavoidable, I will end up there in the future)

Having said that, I think DS plays up with me sometimes because I may be willing to ovelook some bad behaviour when I am far too tired. (more often than I would like)

[sparklesandwine]

Pinkchampagne - I'm not a lone parent but i know how you feel (kind of)

We have 4 and DP works long hours, leaves around 7.30/8am (after just getting himself ready and walking out) then getting home not much earlier than 8pm when the DC are already in bed, so mon-fri i do the disciplining and 'run' the routine on my own

come weekends when DP is off he lets them get away with more (if he can and i'm not about) so that he has an 'easier' time of it as he can't be arsed to stress about their behaviour when he doesn't see them that much

Come sunday afternoon when they are tearing about like lunatics he wonders why and then starts shouting at them for not behaving , he then buggers off to work on Monday leaving me to sort them out back into 'my' routine for the rest of the week and so it goes round!

we have had many 'discussions' about this and following 'my' set of rules all the time because its easier for me, we get a grip on it for a few weeks then it all goes to shit again

I spend most of my week shouting because they aren't doing what they are supposed to, but i think the truth is that they are probably confused half of the time as to what to do themselves

[Pinkchampagne]

Everything feels like a battle at times. I have just had to ask DS1 a good 4 times to get his pyjamas on, and still he messes around.
DS2 (4.10) has started copying another boy at school, and has become a nightmare.

I feel totally knackered at times, and close to tears.

[Pinkchampagne]

I take my hat off to you, dealing with 4, sparklesandwine! I have trouble with just the two!

[sparklesandwine]

Me too, i exhausted and turn to wine more often than i probably should on an eve!

I know it sounds silly but have you tried just laughing instead when you feel like crying? its supposed to work

otherwise i use Bachs Rescue Remedy for days/times when i feel its getting on top of me - and that really does help!

[sparklesandwine]

I love them dearly but wish they listened to me

I sometimes look at friends children and they seem so polite, kind to their siblings, talk respectfully to their parents and i wonder how my friends do this and why i can't

can't think like that for too long though if i'd get depressed about it!

[sparklesandwine]

if i did

[Pinkchampagne]

Oh I often feel like that, SAW! I also have this image of everyone else being perfect parents, and then feel I am not cut out for the job!

[sparklesandwine]

Pinkchampagne - I've come to realise that this is probably not the case and that other peoples DC are not as perfect as I make them out to be in my head but it doesn't stop me thinking it

Its down to our own expectations of ourselves and what we think it should be like rather than concentrating on what our lives actually are like and making the most of it (good or bad!)

I know this but i still can't stop the thoughts and expectations i put on myself that i'm not good enough. I don't think my DC aren't good enough just myself, but i fear that i'm making my DC think they are good enough sometimes which makes me

BUT we will just muddle on and realise one day that we have done a fabulous job and raised fabulous children, but spent too much time worrying ourselves about it!

[citylover]

I have been having a difficult time with my two DSs (6 and 11) recently. And have often been in tears.

I try very hard not to shout and I find that when I do (quite often) this increases the temperature and ultimately does not pay off.

But they know just how to push my buttons. And tend to fight an awful lot. I am worried that if I don't intervene soomeone will be hurt.

How often do yours see your ex PC? In my case I feel they don't see their dad often enough and when they do he is not really willing to spend time with them. I wondered if that had anything to do with it as I think they can sense it, IYKSWIM. They do play up for him too which I don't think they do in your case.

I also have moments where I think I am a rubbish parent but others where I think I am doing a really good job in difficult circumstances without much support from family or ex H. I am sure you are doing a great job.

[1066andallthat]

Isn't this a trust issue, too, PC? Your boys know they can be naughty with you and you will still love them but they are wary about their Dad.

Are there glaring inconsistencies between you and your ex-? Can you try something totally new for discipline - penny jar, pasta jar, so many smiley faces for a family treat? Have you dug out the old MN bible - How to talk ....? Can you get one-on-one time with the boys individually?

My ex- never has any problems with our two - because he has no expectations, nor routine - I would not recommend this route - benign (I'm being postive, here) neglect does not equate good parenting!