I knew he was getting married agin but its really hit me and I feel such grief.

[pirategirl]

I feel betrayed all over again. He's been with her nearly 3 yrs, he left me suddenly then met her about 2 months later,.

I am planning to go away when they get married. i just can't face it. my ex inlaws will be travelling over form the continent, and i just don't want to have to be nice to them, and face them too near to the wedding. I need space.
I am still shocked we even split up the he first place., but i don't hanker after him anymore, as he's treated us so badly.

In many ways I don't care, but a part of me is hurting. He was mY husband, iyswim.

[pirategirl]

.

[Fireflyfairy2]

Aww ((hugs))

Of course it's bound to hurt you pet. I don't care what anyone says, it's bound to hurt you, even though you don't love him anymore, he once shared his life with you.

I don't know your story, do you have any kids together?

[pirategirl]

I do still love him, amybe the old him tho. Yes we have dd5.

He's just a selfish changed person who has put me thru shit and treated me in a way he swore he never would.

The old 'him' has gone i nkow that.

[mrsruffallo]

Let yourself grieve for what was and what could have been. Then move on and remember to love yourself.

[mummyfantastico]

Of course it hurts, when he married you it was supposed to be a one of commitment, now he is doing it again.
It isn't the way things should go, even though depressingly it happens all too often.
Good idea to go away for the actual event. Is your dd going to come with you? If so you can have a lovely time together, and if not you can totally pamper yourself.

[cutekids]

probably doing the right thing by going away while all this is going on. i'm sure the thought of seeing your ex inlaws must be so upsetting.get yourself away and relax if you can.

[pirategirl]

well, dd 5 doesn't want to go to the wedding, so i decided to get away.

yet

and this is my problem, my being too pliable and considerate.

i thought maybe it would be unfair as ex inlwas rarely see dd, and would be coming in the hope they get to see her.

Yet

over the last 4 months dd hasn't been to his home, and doesn't wish to see him. Noone has told me the actual date, as I was planning to arrange to let them come here to see her, then make a long weekend away of the actaul wedding. I asked ex mil she only gave me name of the month. I know why, becuase she desp wants to see dd, and even lied to me last year when I asked if it was true that he was indeed getting married.

She told my ex that she was scared that if he re marreid I would never let them see dd again.

Yes they are all fantasists and have no basis for this kind of assumption. I have been more than welcoming.

Anyway, I now know the date,( from someone else) and am planning to go away the wednesday before, as travel is cheaper, and i need to get away to family.

I feel as tho i am being selfish, 'IF' they miss out on seeing her, yet unfortunately, ex dh and I have seperate lives now.

god i am babbling on, and being a berk. I also feel that if i go away its letting them all see i was 'bothered', which in many ways I don't want them to think I am being pathetic.

duh, tying myself in silly knots here aren't I.

[NKF]

I'd say do what you need to do and they can see her some other time.

Make it easy on yourself. Don't try to imagine what they might think. Take care of you and your daughter and have a nice break with family. That would be my advice.

It sounds rotten.
All the best.

[Sazisi]

Sounds shitty for you
Do go away and have some fun, self-preservation and all that

Re. the inlaws; tell them you are going away on the Wednesday, that way you are giving them a chance to see DD before you go...or after you get back.

[Fireflyfairy2]

When my sister's ex got married, he sent their dd an invitation... she was 10 & didn't want to go. he never bothered with her for the 10 years beforehand so we can only assume he wanted my sister to know he was getting married

niece didn't go to the wedding & ister's ex mil was mad at the child

If I were you I would let them know that dd won't be at the wedding but they are welcome to see her between X date & X date as you have a trip booked to visit family...

[OrmIrian]

That must hurt pirategirl

If they haven't actually told you the date you simply can't be blamed for not being there. Or as sazizi says give them a few days when they could see her before the wedding if they really wanted to.

Please don't worry too much about other people. They will be busy with the wedding then anyway. Think about yourself.

[pirategirl]

thankyou for the support. I care alot for the inlaws, and they don't live in this country. I will let them know as you have advised about my dates.

ex mil, is always saying how she misses dd, and how upset she is over the whole situation, yet from time to time I feel like saying 'well if you would talk some sense into your son, then dd life would be better', instead of always saying how upset she is and letting ex dh bend the truth all the time.

dd is only young but has made up her own mind now.

[allgonebellyup]

did you get divorced straight away?

i only ask cos i am still married to dh, and pathetically, im just not ready to divorce yet as i cant bear the thought of him marrying his gf yet.

[pirategirl]

my dh left in mid 2005, and started bullying me for a divorce as soon as she came on the scene. it was traumatic to say the least. I didn't want a divorce, I wanted him to come home.

He made my life hell and i just couldnt get thru to him that I needed time to get used to the fact he wasn't home let alone contemplate the finality of divorce.

he moved on very quickley, and had he been a bit kinder I prob would have got thru it all easier.

I divorced him, I started it in July 2005, but kept putting it off. In the end it got to the about nov of 2006 and i felt I had the strength to send back the final paper.

I still obv didn't want to but my pride kicked in.

The divorce was complete last march, and when i told him he said nothing, wasn't even listening properly.

[shelleylou]

As far as ur ex mil is concerned u dont know the date of the wedding keep it that way n u can make out u had the holiday booked already and that was the reason 4 asking so ur dd could c her grandparents. A load off bull but they dont need to know that!!

[1066andallthat]

Pirate, you are nice even caring about your ex-ils. Stop worrying so; it makes sense to get away from the wedding and your feelings count, too, you know. I liked mrsruffullo's advice. Hope you'll have a good break and are going somewhere really, really nice.

[clouded]

Pirate I sympathise SO much. My exh and I were still married for about 15yrs after he left although he had a long term gf (who he left us for).
Then he left the old gf and took up with new gf (half his age) from SA and because of visas etc he needed to divorce me and marry her within months so she could stay in the country.
I was very cooperative. It seemed churlish to be otherwise after such a long time, BUT it was unbelievably hard emotionally even though I didn't want to be with him. It was like the rejection all over again. After the marriage I cut off from him almost completely whereas before we had been on reasonably good terms.
Irrational, I know, but my way of coping.
I'm fine now BTW. It will pass, but enormously hurtful for you.

[pirategirl]

thanks again.

x