Can you have a contact agreement in a will?

[mistressmiggins]

didnt know where to post this but thought Lone Parents may have advice.

My ex lives 3 hrs drive away from me. My parents & brother live in same town as me. We are all really close & I am just concerned that if something happened to me, the children would obviously go to live with their dad. Is there any way you can put a contact order in a will so that exH would have to agree to keep the relationship with my family?

sounds silly I know but I jsut feel that my family would be cut out of my DCs lives if something happened to me & it saddens me.

I still let my ex-in-laws stay with me so no quiestion of ME cutting his family out of DCs lives but not sure he would bother

[mistressmiggins]

bump?

[Hulababy]

DH is downstairs watching something at the moment; will ask him when he comes back up. He is a probate solicitor.

[Hulababy]

OK, went and asked him.

No, you can't I'm afrad. You can appoint guardianship. However even this is not legally binding and could be challenged through the courts if people could not agree.

If they felt they were being cut out, your parents/family could apply via the courts for contact after your death.

[mistressmiggins]

thanks Hulababy for answering
the only reason I feel sad about this is cos I know exH would not bother with my family.
brought it home tonight when my brother asked if I was still willing to be guardian to his 2 children. I thought once I became a single parent family, he would change his will but they dont want to! If they both die, they still want me to have my nephew & neice - I am over the moon & so flattered. He said obviosuly he would have my 2 children but as I am getting divorced, this is no longer an option.

it saddens me that my family unit could be split if I die.

[brightwell]

This is something that bothers me, not only would they lose their Mum and primary care giver, they would have to move away from their home, friends, school and my side of the family. And my ex wouldn't keep in touch with my family, friends and dc's Godparents.

[mistressmiggins]

I dont know what u can do though.
Hulababy says legally cant do anything.
Annoys me that I keep contact with ex's parents but I know he wont.
This is becuase he was best friend's with my brother & they havent spoken since we split up.
I guess I could put something in my will saying please get on!

its such a sad thing to think about isnt it

[Hulababy]

You could keep a letter outlining your wishes alongside your will. Whilst this isn't legally binding, it may help your family's case should they need to ask the courts for help securing contact.

[Paddlechick666]

thanks for this, i have been wondering same thing.

will be doing a will soon and am worried that dd would automatically go to H in the event of my death.

his behaviour of last 2.5 years (and more) makes him completely unsuitable to be resident parent.

mind you, i don't have any guardians as parents are in their mid/late 70s and best friends are about to move to NZ

[Judy1234]

In practice the father could cut the grandparents off. There is a right for grandparents to apply for contact but very very few have ever managed it. I have a letter of wishes. My children's father hardly ever sees them and it would make more sense that their adult siblings with whom they live continue to bring up the younger ones. I suspect their father would accept that as a de facto compromise particularyl as those siblings manage all the money left behind by me to bring up the children but there is nothing I can do to exclude his sole parental responsibility rights if I die even though he has in effect chosen not to be a father to them.

In cases where the other parent might be a risk (mine woudln't so I am not sure this would help me) then of course things like going into care or the care of a grandparent might be possible.

Best thing is to eat well, exercise and plan to live to over 85 as I do.... and make sure you haven't left your life insurance intrust for the ex husband and make sure you have a will and it is clear the chidlren inherit and who manages that inheritance until they are 18.

[Magdelanian]

I made a will when my DD was little and was told I could state my wishes for her care in the event of my death. I explained that her father has not shown enough interest in her so I didnt want him to have custody.

He wasnt on her birth certificate at the time so think that will have made a difference. I'm not sure it how binding it would have been but thought it best to have something in writing just in case.

[Hulababy]

Guardianship isn't legally binding. But if anyone objected and it went to court, the courts would take into account your wishes.

[Judy1234]

Most parents who are married in their will will specify who will have the children if they die such as a sibling. If you're separated and put someone other than the other parent or put that in a letter of wishes as I have done it can be ignored by the father/mother left behind just as if the father dies and he leaves notes that the child not go to you but his live in lover.