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Xenia and other lone parents who were the breadwinner and have custody of the children after divorce...

14 replies

Nightynight · 02/01/2008 11:00

How does the court split the finances in this situation?

Ex and I never went to court, but he isnt happy with what he got, and is now talking about court (I dont think he will go, though)

briefly: before we married, I had money (enough for deposit on house), he had none, but owns houses overseas, outside the EU.

During our marriage, he point blank refused to work ("I will not be your servant going out to work while you enjoy yourself at home with the children." Yes, I agree.)
So, result was at the end of our marriage, he had been out of work for several years, and was in his late fifties. I had been working almost the whole time.
I had built up my career to teh point where I can pay an au pair and carry on working.
(I should add, that while he was taking care of the children, he neglected them, sent them to school with dirty clothes and took them out of school several times.)

Anyway, the children now live with me. We sold our UK house, paid the expenses, including repaying a loan in my name that was taken out during our marriage, and I split the rest of the money in half.
We also owned a second house in France, bought during the marriage that he gets outright.

So, he ends with his property from before the marriage, + the French house (it is not worth a lot, in fact it is officially not habitable) + half the profit from the UK house.

I end with my original money plus 20K, total of this being the other half of the profit from the UK house.

He now lives in the French house, I live in a rented house. He pays no maintenance, although I am trying to claim it via the german system. He still has no job, and refuses to get one.

What sort of thing would a court have ordered?
Xenia, I remember you saying that you had had to pay out to your ex - would it have been very different from what we did?

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titchy · 02/01/2008 11:20

Can't comment on the settlement, but not surprised you're not together, the lazy f**ker

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Vincenza · 02/01/2008 12:58

Hi Nightynight

I split up from my husband when my son was 18months. I put the deposit down on our house and also made all the mortgage payments. When I went to a solicitor they told me that in the first instance all assets are split 50:50 and then other issues are taken into account to come up with the final settlement (eg the fact that you have custody of the children). I was frankly appalled that I might have to give up my home to give money to somebody who contributed nothing but there is nothing you can do about it. All in all I would say your husband has had an unbelievably generous settlement and should count himself very lucky!

On the maintenance front my ex provides 15% of his net salary through CSA. As he earns a lot via overtime and not much basic (and he wasn't doing overtime when it was initially calculated) the result is paltry. Doesn't even cover my son's after school care let alone school trips, haircuts, shoes, clothes, food, heat and light but don't get me started on that either!!

Hope this helps

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Anna8888 · 02/01/2008 13:04

Surely the issue is hugely complicated in your case because your lives straddle (at least) four jurisdictions - UK, France, Germany and wherever your husband's property is?

Courts order very different things depending on the jurisdiction. Which jurisdiction do you think you come under?

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Nightynight · 02/01/2008 17:02

hi Vicenza, thank you. Your situation sounds very frustrating. It seems very unfair that they dont take into account what each partner had before the marriage, as well as what they contribute.

Anna, I am going to make sure it falls under german jurisdiction! Ex and the german way of life are chalk and cheese.

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Anna8888 · 03/01/2008 09:09

That sounds like a good plan . Good luck.

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Judy1234 · 13/02/2008 22:15

I only just saw this thread. V is right about the starting point being 50.50 unless that means children aren't housed (which in fact is most marriages with not much money) but if there is enough for 50/50 that's the starting point for longish marriages with children. My husband wanted that plus maintenance for himself for life so he ended up getting nearer 60% even though I pay for and house the children.

You might want a court order actually to bring closure to you otherwise you might do very well soon and he claims 50% too. IN Scotland it is 50% on separation but in the UK it's 50% when you settle or deal with the finances so leaving a court order until many years later is not a very good idea.

You need to look at the value of his own foreign properties, the French property now (he may have done it up) and savings and debts you both have now and then split the balance 50/50 plus if one has a pension and not the other you might get a pension sharing order. It might be worth finalising it so it's done with and not hanging over you.

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singledadofthree · 13/02/2008 23:34

will just summarise as its late

i worked full time and ex was sahm.

we split and i stayed in and kept house - no equity as had just bought it so no buy out, she took nothing but personal possessions.

she claimed legal aid when she decided to try and take it and the kids back, lost of course but didnt have to repay it. i claimed it to defend myself as didnt have the money. have to repay it which i'm still doing, interest charged at 8%.

she never has paid anything towards mortgage, never paid maintenance, works but csa say i get nothing, i work full time so no worries, gave up caring about money a long time ago

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Judy1234 · 14/02/2008 08:59

Much the same here. Sometimes it's not worth going after them for child support, more hassle than it's worth although you do wonder what sort of parent thinks it's morally right not to support their children.

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Citronella · 14/02/2008 15:17

Xenia,
on what basis did your husband get granted maintenance for life. Was he unlikely to be able to earn an income? age? health? and does maintenance mean enough for them to live without working or just a sub?
TIA

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Judy1234 · 14/02/2008 15:26

He didn't and the courts like clean breaks when they can be afforded or maintenance for limited periods but his lawyer's argument at the time was he would have had the next 20 or 30 years living on my high(ish) income which he was losing because of the divorce even though he works full time as I earned a big multiple of what he earns. In the Macfarlane case the wife (who didn't work but had been a lawyer) was granted £250k a year for life (husband's income £750k a year).

I suppose it's to make up for income inequalities if one earns a lot more but if you're both on £20k or whatever then it's not quite the same issue. However I think that's unfair. If someone started out as a nurse, teacher etc and they work full time in the marriage like my ex and they finish on divorce 20 years later on the same salary or a bit more than what they started on whey should they get a huge bonus because they happened to be married to someone who did well? We're not talking about career sacrifice here nor of people who made the career of their parters but full time lower earners who earned lowish sums at the start and continued to and always would have done.

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Citronella · 14/02/2008 15:31

It is unfair. How do you afford (my salary is good by national average standards but not a six figure sum) to maintain someone who should be out earning and be responsible for running your own home and looking after your children? It's not fair because your outgoings are effectively doubled.

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Judy1234 · 14/02/2008 16:20

Yes, but I resisted that so he got about 60% of the assets as a clean break although the loan I have ended up with to fund all that feels like maintenance to him in practice. And he does work full time. If you have huge differences in income but both work full time then one will often get maintenance from the other because we seem to think in this country if you happen to strike the jack pot by marring someone who does well like Mrs McCartney you have some god given right to leech off them.

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Citronella · 14/02/2008 20:27

I could understand that if two people have just drifted apart and together decide to part company you would split all down the middle. But where one person feels genuinely aggrieved by the other's behaviour and has taken a while to get to the endpoint why should that person have to pay out/be financially punished for deciding enough is enough and choosing a happier life?

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Judy1234 · 14/02/2008 21:27

We have no fault divorce in the UK which is probably a good thing as often both sides are to blame or think the other is.

I don't think divorce law is fair at all.

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