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Can't help but feel a bit sad at the thought of my boys waking up Christmas morning without their daddy there.

39 replies

Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 16:57

It was as I was wrapping their presents up that it dawned on me that this Christmas is going to be so different, in that when my boys wake up & open their presents, their daddy won't be around to share their excitement.
We have been living apart since May, and have adjusted ok, but the Christmas morning thing has made me feel quite sad.

Has anyone had similar feelings as they approahed/are approaching their first Christmas as a single parent, and how did you find it on the day itself?

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Dropdeadfred · 14/12/2007 16:59

Think about how christmas would be if he was there being his nasty, maipulative self and the feeling will uickly fade away.....

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Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 17:01

Well yes, DDF, there is that thought!

I don't know, I just feel a bit sad at the thought of them waking up on their first Christmas without him being around. It is going to be so different for them.

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charliecat · 14/12/2007 17:01

Im quite looking forward to my first Xmas without having to argue with XP about wrapping and such like things. The atmosphere without him here is so much better theres nothing to be sad about.
Your boys will be fine...if your really worried would XP stay over Xmas eve?

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Dropdeadfred · 14/12/2007 17:03

I do know what you mean - sorry if I was insensitive before...
But they will see him over Christmas won't they? They probably won't notice as much as you will (they'll be too busy unwrapping pressies!!)

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PirateInaPeartree · 14/12/2007 17:03

OUr first one was hard, have to be honest. Surreal almost, as his leaving was a huge shock.

Yet somehow, i got the strength to make it happy for dd 5.

I was sad prob more for me, tbh not haing him there, as she was 3 and just caught up in the whole present thing, gonna be worse this year for her, this will be our 3rd.

Yet,

when you see thier happy little faces, and you can say to yourself, 'I did this, I gave them this joy' you will feel such warmth, and, I felf that it was a gift in itself. Sorry it sounds corny, but as hard as it is being on your own, its also amazing to have these little children, around at christmas.

Have you any family coming by later, or a friend?

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Dropdeadfred · 14/12/2007 17:04

No Charliecat No!!! PC's family would have the wedding blessing organised by Boxing day if that happened!!!

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Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 17:06

Oh no, I wouldn't want him staying here, CC, as I only have a 2 bedroom house! He's staying Christmas Eve evening round at my parents house because my mum feels sorry for him!
I am looking forward to having less stress this year, and the boys will see him Christmas Day at my parents house, so I don't know why I am having a moment. It's just the thought of them waking up for the first Christmas morning without him being around. I am just having a silly moment!

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cazboldy · 14/12/2007 17:08

Just wanted to say that it's not just you lone parents!
My dh is a dairy farmer, and the cows still need to be milked on Christmas day! He will be in at about 8 am but I'm sure the dc will have woken up by then!

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ScottishMummy · 14/12/2007 17:14

you are forgettingyou will be there their precious mummy who they love to bits

yes it will be different, but throw yourself into it, and have fun doing it all your way.

Have a smashing Christmas and plenty of pink champagne too

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Blu · 14/12/2007 17:16

Each 'first' must be hard, i suppose - each new thing you do as a single parent - it's understandable, and it is sad.

But do you think it could be partly that you have had to let go of the idea that he was ever going to be that relaxed fairytale christmas morning dad who let them romp around with new toys all over the house, eat a choc santa in your bed and make as much noise as they liked?

Because i know last christmas wes downright weird with him having declined to move out - but the christmas before wasn't exactly relaxed, was it - what with woprried about the christmas tree decorations and spilt wine etc?

But I suppose there was always the chance that things would turn out nice...until you decided (rightly, of course) that enough was enough. And i know he in't all bad, and that the boys will miss him.

But let them open thier presents in your room, sit around being messy, noisy and relaxed, and enjoy it.

But hugs for the sadness twinge.

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Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 17:45

Thank you all for your messages. I am not sure why I'm feeling so sad, but Christmas is a funny time isn't it?

You are very right though, Blu - last Christmas was terrible, and I had myself a little mini breakdown just before New Year, and the year before was not much better as I had all those big decisions to make over Christmas, alongside a husband who was not at all easy to live with.

This Christmas will hopefully be more more relaxed, with all those pressures lifted, but it will also feel a bit sad & strange, for different reasons.
I will try to make it as nice as possible for the boys though.

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Blu · 14/12/2007 17:56

I think you will give your lovely boys a fantastic christmas.

Why not think up some little christmas traditions to start up?

Every year I take ds to the shops and let him choose one new bauble for the tree - those are are his special baubles, and I have told him that we will keep them, and when he is grown up, he will take them with him for his ow forst christmas tree. He LOVES getting his little collection of his baubles out and hanging them on the tree each year.

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SantaBeClausImWorthIt · 14/12/2007 17:57

Make sure you do have a bottle of pink champagne in your fridge so that you spoil yourself as well as your boys. You really deserve to have a lovely day yourself as well!

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FioFio · 14/12/2007 17:58

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Blu · 14/12/2007 17:59

I think Christmas and NY always introduce a little sadness. Something new always seems to mean a goodbye to something else.

It's a tough reality to live, anyway, PC. Christmas in a different family set up, as a single Mum isn't on the christmas card paintings. It isn't what you hoped for when you married and had your boys. I think it's natural that you feel some sadness in amongst the pleasures and triumphs of your new life.

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Blu · 14/12/2007 18:07

YES! That must be YOUR Christmas tradition from now on - a bottle of pink Champagne every Christmas to get the day going! You can make it a small one if you want to get anyhting else done of course!!
You have achieved HUGE things this year, PC - you must celebrate that!

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Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 18:18

the bottle of pink champagne sounds like a good tradition to set up!

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MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies · 14/12/2007 18:20

your op post had made me think of my DS's best friend whos Daddy died last month!

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Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 18:22

Oh that's so sad, MrsWeasley.

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MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies · 14/12/2007 19:04

Whats really really sad is that it has happened to three families in my DC's classes in the last 4 months. 2 Daddies and 1 mummy

It really makes you put things into perspective and this year we really will be more focussed on just being together as a family more than anything else.

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Santasmissyontheside · 14/12/2007 19:12

oh how awful

pc are you buying seperate presents? i bet our dc will be looking forward to another pressy rater than being sad that their dad isn't around.

my parents were divorced and thats what i used to think! i was young though!

at your parents having him stay night!

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Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 19:31

How awful, MrsWeasley. Just the worst thing imaginable, and as you say, makes you really put things into perspective.

We are buying separate presents for the boys, missy. I have bought all the Santa stuff, and a separate present for each of them, and he has bought his own bits.

He did ask if I wanted to go halves on any of my families bits, and I gave him a very straight "NO!" Just what my family would need to feed their denial of our situation!!

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Santasmissyontheside · 14/12/2007 20:08

lol.by the way you have mail

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Pinkchampagne · 14/12/2007 21:32

Have replied, missy.

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pinkbubble · 14/12/2007 21:42

PC, I think a bottle of Pink Champagne sounds a really good idea- esp if you share it with me!, also like the idea of getting your 2 Dss to choose a tree decoration, or if you are feeling up to it get them to make one!

Don't feel sad about Christmas, you have 2 lovely DSs with you, and I am pretty sure that in their own special way will make Christmas a one to remember!

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