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Is this acceptable / fair on DS? Help please think im going mad.

5 replies

lottymadbird · 12/12/2007 14:56

My ExP and I split up just before DS was born (long story i wont go into). We were living in france at the time and I moved back to the UK where DS and I now live. ExP still lives in France.

I have to constantly ask him when he is going to come over and see DS and it works out every 6 to 8 weeks that he comes over and when he's over usually sees him for a couple of mornings (even though he's in the UK for a week or more thats all the time he can spare). DS asks for daddy all the time and gets upset when he does see him and he leaves. When he asks for him I say we'll see daddy soon but i just dont think he believes me anymore. DS is 2 + 4 months.

Am I being fair to DS letting this situation continue, I've tried again and again to explain to ExP that he needs to see him more frequently but he always says he is too busy. (ExP doesnt work but has a house he is doing up over there, or builders are doing up for him) Should I just say to ExP that he should forget seeing him until he can come over more frequently?

He's been saying for the last year that he plans to buy somewhere over here and move back so he can see DS more but as with a lot of other things what he says is one thing and what he does is another. He is awful about money, never helps with buying anything for DS and I seriously doubt whether he really cares about his son at all. Sorry for the rant, any advice please?

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BroccoliSpears · 12/12/2007 14:59

I can understand you wanting to protect your son from disappointment, but I don't think it would be a positive thing to cut his father out of his life completely.

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lottymadbird · 12/12/2007 15:02

I think thats how i feel too. despite everything exP has put me and DS through over the last few years I have always gone out of my way to make it easy for ExP to see DS and certainly would never say anything bad about him to DS.

I have a couple of friends who are of the "he's a useless father and DS is better off with him" opinion so sometimes i doubt if im doing the right thing or not.

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fransmom · 12/12/2007 15:10

hi lotty i am in same boat as you though xp lives in same area. i continually feel as though i have to ask him when he wants to see dd and as though i have to berate him about him not been so eager to arrange things that aren't so convenient for him; it always seems to be when it's on his terms kind of thing.

atm, i would say, go with your gut instincts and although it's hard now, when your ds is older he will heopfully realise how much you tried to help the situation and what a git his father is. maybe you could keep a diary of when he (xp) said he would contact and hasn't, waht kind of things were said etc.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((lottymadbird))))))))))))))

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lottymadbird · 12/12/2007 15:15

fransmum - how often does your ex see your dd?

I dont know how men can be like that about their kids, i would do anything for DS. I have kept a record of when exP sees him and a couple of emails that i hope i never ever have to show DS.

Im hanging on to the fact that it will get easier as DS gets older because I'll be able to explain things more to him. DS is so lovely, he deserves a decent father thats what makes me so sad.

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fransmom · 12/12/2007 15:19

dd si the same - she will be three in april. he actually turned round once and said don't moan about it beig hard, that was the life you picked.

he sees her as often as i mention it, though soemtimes he does ask if he can see her. i have to go, sorry time on klibrary pc going to expire, will check in tomorrow cat me as well xxx

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