been single parent for two months and now feeling crap

[fransmom]

i am having a bad moment so if you gonna be a troll, f off.

it is so hard. i have to see a lone parent advisor soon and am not looking forwards to it. i have been lone for nearly 3 months now and am finding it harder and harder. i don't know what to write, i no longer have access to a pc at hiome (it was his) and now i have to wait til i can get to library by myself which, if i am "lucky" is once a week atm. xp is saying that he has to worek lots of overtime to get deposit for house, so he can only have dd once a week. it makes me so mad.
i am all mixed up. i had a date which i really enjoyed and have got used to the idea that he not as interested as he said he was (he lone parent too but has access- apparently). he a bugger.

i have no money, no free time apart from atm and dd being briught home in half hour am serioulsy fed up. no one to tlak to when dd in bed as will not be able to afford the phone bill

[Tinkerbeltinsel]

You just sound lonely to me, unfortunately its something that only you can fix, you need to get yourself another computer if you can as it can often be a life line and will keep you sane on the lonely nights, is there anyway that you can buy a second hand one or get someone to loan you the money ? Dont wory about the lone parent advisor it will be ok as they are there to help you and make sure you are claiming all you are entitled too ? are you working ? if not they can help you back into work and help you find childcare. How old is your daughter ? once they are in school they become a lot more self sufficient so it shouldnt be hard to take care of child who can do most things for themselves, if she is a toddler then it will be harder work, but you could always put her into a nursery a few hours per week and get some 'me' time, the most important thing is routine and stick to it

[fransmom]

am not working as whne i made decision to leave her father, she went through rough patch (obv). she needed me at home and i wanted to be with her. so as for wanting to be back at work atm, no thank you. she is a toddler, 2y 7.5months. no interest whatsoever in potty training. yes am lonely

[mistletoemiggins]

my exH left when my children were 3.5 and 17mths
its hard & I do sympathise

its only been 3 months & u r probably still in grieving stage (unless u instigated the split)

I am over 2 yrs on (tho not yet divorced ) and it DOES get easier

dating to be honest is probably too soon for u - fun maybe but u may not be ready

I know its virtual but I did find MN a source of comfort & company.

I was lucky in that I work 3 days a week so at least I had restbite from kids &

[charliecat]

Do you have a freecycle in your area? Ask on there for ancient pc...someone will have one...and bb is only 15 quid a month. I am not long into the lone parent thing, 7 months and it is hard. Without the pc im not sure I would cope to be honest. It IS a lifeline.
We have all been there...MN is a godsend though. xx

[mrsmcv]

I am 14 months on as a lone parent, dd is 18 months old. SOme days are unbelievably painful but it does pass, and it doesn't always feel this awful. If it's any help, lone parent advisor I saw was totally great, really helped me through benefits, getting a job and everything.

[zookeeper]

Hang on in there Fransmom. I've three dcs, 6,4 and 2 and single since July and have had really bad ups and downs. Don't know your circumstances but could you get a lodger? IMine has meant a bit of extra £ and also she babysits.

Accept all offers of help and look for them and try to slowly establish a support network of people you trust.

It's only natural you will feel miserable - try to eat well and exercise - even if it is an exercise DVD - there are loads in the charity shops.

Try to think in terms of getting through each day and aim to do one positve thing a day - even if it is a walk in the park to feed the ducks.

Try to be positive - once a week contact is moe than my ex sees the dcs. At least you can build on that.

I'm just passing on the things that have made me feel better - hope some of it helps x

[OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey]

Yep hang on in there, it is hard, but as others have said, it does get easier with time!

Have you tried going to any mother and toddler groups? I know they are very hit and miss, but I tried loads when DS was little, until I went to one where I really got on with two other mums, they became good friends of mine and it made all the difference.

Also, what about contacting gingerbread? You can meet other single parents in your area through them.

Good on you for staying at home to be with your DD at this unsettling time for her, it will be good for her longterm to have you as a constant in her life right now, even though it can get lonely for you.

Try finding a second-hand computer, or one off freecycle.

[OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey]

oh and zookeeper talks a lot of sense! Definately good advice

[fransmom]

thanks x
had a bad day today , work haven't paid me for last week's work - basically their reasoning is that i used all my holidays for the year, not just up to when i had left. it wa shard cos i had no warning and was relying on that bit of money to help clear some of my overdraft and to get some shopping. i had to wait an hour for that bloody excuse

ened up crying most of way home, cried again at home and dd ended up on my lap asking what the matter was and giving me a cuddle bless her little heart. she is a lovely lass. (and only just gone 2.5)

it hink things may well get a bit easier when all my benfits start coming in.

oh shit. i think i was supposed to have a lone parent advisor appt this week. shit shitshitshit
will have to find the book out my bag hold on sec.haven't got it with me. oh gawdon bennett.

will have to let you know next time

[zookeeper]

Hi fransmom
hope you are felling better!

I think you will feel much better when you see the lone parent advisor so at least you will know your options.

There is a realy good website called "entitledto" which, if you type in your details will tell you what benefits you would be entitled to. it's good because you can type in different scenarios and work out what would be best for you.

Can anyone do a link?

[Tinkerbeltinsel]

hope you are feeling a bit more positive today, re-book the lone parent interview or they will reduce the IS and at the moment you need every penny you can get, definately do the freecycle suggestion and put a request in for a pc

[niece]

I know exactly how you feel! I was 5 weeks pregnant with my youngest when i got rid of my ex, (he was a complete arsehole!)
Now 2 1/2 years on, it is so much easier, I actually like being on my own now! Thats why i am still single, but i have to admit i do get lonely in the evenings sometimes!
I manage to fill my time somehow, I read a lot and i watch a lot of films, ( that i buy from the charity shop for 50p)There is nothing like a bit of escapism!
The main thing i have done is not think of myself as a victim, and try and look at the positives in my life. Which i know when i was first on my own seemed very daunting!
It DOES get easier, trust me and i wish you every bit of luck and happiness for the future.

[Pinkchampagne]

Sorry you're feeling so down, FM. I would get lots of moments like that in the first couple of months. Sometimes it can feel so lonely, and when I first moved & didn't have my broadband, I found it unbearable at times.
I agree that looking out for a second hand PC, would be a very good idea. It is great to have MN when you're feeling lonely & down.

It is still very early days for you. I have been on my own for 7 months now, and like others have said, it does get a little easier with time.
Hang on in there.x

[fransmom]

thanks pc and all xxx

i had a good day yesterday with dd, we went for a walk in the afternoon to see if we could find the sun (it was setting!) we did and then we went to see if we could see if any trains were going to pass us under the bridge. they didn't so dd wanted to go the station which we did and she enjoyed it bless her. it was dark by then - still only half 4pm so we started going home. had a lovely time. she went to bed and i had to fill in my tax credits form, i have been putting it off for some reason - i don't really know why. then i realised that for part of the time required by the tc people, xp was living with me and i would have to ask him for details of his wages. i don't want them coming for me in a few months and biting me on the ass!!!

i try and get out every day, unless it's hammering down of rain then i'm a bit reluctant

hope you all ok , please stay in touch xxx

[Tinkerbeltinsel]

glad you are felling a bit better, yes definately try and get out every day so you aren't sitting at home wallowing, it can be a lonely time at christmas but its what you make it, only 2 weeks to go x

[fransmom]

don't remind me - i will be another year older then i am starting to feel my age but then hey, life is what you make it like you said.

well, i went ot see lone parent adviser today and it wasn't too bad. she said don't send the form , she went through one with me cos it gets fast tracked through her and i should hear from them by the end of next week or within ten days kind of thing. so hopefully, shouldn't be too bad. still send a covering letter through to explain period from 9th aug when claim stopped til today and just leave it at that. so new year, new start kind of thing.

i ahd a date about a month back and things kind of fizzled out or so i thought so i kind of cut my losses and said his loss. well, i had sent him a text message towards the end of last week saying happy christmas and hope things working better for him and ds1 and ds2 and about monday-ish i had a reply it basically said that he would like to take me out again once the stress of christmas was gone but he would understnad if id din't want to. arrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh [mixed feelings emoticon] i thought it might be interesting to see what his excuses were face to face and see if it matched with what he had said in the texts. omg. am kind of getting butterflies again. don't really know what else to say