any one without family support actually working?

[joker4]

Just wondering how other people manage,
recently missed work opportunities due to kids falling ill, wonder if I could actually hold down a job, without more support...seems unlikely

can you convince me that I'm being negative??

[AMAZINWOMAN]

i work without family support-and its hard.
I used to be full time but I needed time off for kids doctors, and hospital appointments, kids assemblies etc which im not entitld to take time off for.

I now work part time, its so much easier to juggle. I save annual leave for kids being ill. I have had to take unpaid leave too for longer emergencies.

inset days are a nightmare!!

[Wisteria]

I did it for years; dh and I split the emergencies as equally as possible and we had fab childcare to boot. I think the golden childminder is the key tbh. The only real issue is holidays which makes childcare prohibitively expensive. We solved this by the dcs going to stay with grandparents for the odd week - we'd take them down (or up) on the Sunday and collect the following Friday. It was great as they ended up spending quality time with grandparents that they may never have known otherwise - would that be an option for you?
Other than GP's, you could ask other Mums in the same boat if they fancy doing a rota system.

I am also blessed with children that are rarely ill.

[persephonesnape]

it is bloody difficult. i have three, am on my own and work full time. i live 500 miles from my nearest relative and about a two hour drive from my ex in laws.

i have VERY good childcare and leave early on a monday and tuesday to pick up the children from school, so i can actually get to see them! other than that it's get up, go out, go to work, go home, make teas, supervise homework, baths etc, bedtimes, collapse exhausted on sofa or prop self in front of internet.

i can kind of recommend working for the civil service though. the pay is pretty blargh, but tax credits help out. there is flexi - some offices have 'nil core time' which means, although you work 37 hours a week outside london, you can arrange to work it as it suits you. We are (on paper, at least ) committed to family friendly policies, so i can take emergency leave (sometimes paid, sometimes from my annual leave allowance) for sick children etc. you do need a pretty strong hide though. but it's nice to try and help people, even if every creative atom of your soul is slowly sucked away. :D

[AMAZINWOMAN]

persephonesnape- I really admire what you are doing. Im tired just thinking about your post, and i don't even have your hectic schedule. I just about cope with a 25hr week (incl travel) and i just about manage to exercise and keep sane! Only just though!

[PurpleOne]

I work 10 hrs a week, and that's hard enough with all the other juggling!

Daren't even think about full time until dd2 is much older.

[mammya]

I do, I work full time and as Persephonesnape says it's very difficult. I am fortunate in that I have a brilliant childminder who is also a friend, and I am able to work from home 3 days a week,so I can do school pick ups on those days. My hours are also quite flexible, which allows me to drop of dd at school before work, and my boss is very understanding when dd is ill or has a special assembly/sports day (it helps that she's a woman with children of her own). Holidays are the worst as the childcare costs increase significantly. I think next summer dd will spend some time at her grandad's!

[citylover]

I work full time with two school age children and have been a single parent since Aug 06. Hve worked full time since they were babies, taking six months mat leave each time.

Am lucky that my employer is flexible (though I am sure that I am resented by some other members of staff) - I work from home one day a week and the children are picked up by childminders the other days and sometimes ex H who currently lives nearby but he works away alot. And he will be moving house in the New Year.

It is slightly harder than when I was married but not much tbh!

But it is hard and I am quite scared to move job in case a new employer is less understanding. In fact I have done a couple of secondments one to an office where I was the only parent and I felt even worse than here leaving at set times.

Also I rarely take a lunch break.

As my job involves occasional late nights, dinners and weekends it is very hard.

But I just have to keep on going!! I don't think I could afford to work part time as my rent is so high.

Hopefully it will be easier when they are both at secondary school in that I might be able to arrive a bit earlier. But that won't be for 6 years as the youngest is 6.

My parents live 80 miles away and will come down if absolutely necessary but I find their presence quite stressful so try to avoid that.

And the boys stay with them in the holidays but only one at a time - they won't have them together.

[joker4]

thanks for all the replies, it is very hard
not sure it inspires me to rush into work, but it is inspiring to hear how you get on with it. Sounds like a lot of you actually have family support though, even if it is shaky. citylover I like your comment that its not much harder than when you were married.. I did suspect this,but then my ex could sabotage anything.

I also love this phrase!!
'even if every creative atom of your soul is slowly sucked away. :D '
perhaps what I fear most would happen

thanks

[Lasvegas]

I worked full time from DD being age 6 months to 4 years old. Bio father not involved and my parents a 4 hr drive away. If I had a choice I wouldn't have done this as at times so exhausted I halucinated. But if I didn't work full time I would have been living on the streets.

[prettyfly1]

me. work full time and have done since ds was 10 weeks old. its tough but can be done. you need to learn who the childcare providers are what the ftc amount is and how oyu will cope then you have to be bloody touch and very very disciplined.

[Hobnobfanatic]

My family is 100-plus miles away. I work - but I'm self-employed. It's hard, supporting yourself, but I'm lucky that I don't have a boss tutting away in the corner when I need to take leave to be with DC - I don't know how anyone manages if they work for someone else. The number of times I have to postpone my own meetings, rearrange deadlines etc due to illness/nursery closure etc is phenomenal. I don't know how other people cope!

[MotherHubard]

I have been a single mum for 14yrs, have 4 children, it is very very difficult if you have no family support or if you hav to move to an area were you no know one. I used to have really good childcare & my eldest would help when I first was on my own & an understanding boss. But since my children have got older in which 2 have left home, unfortunalty the childminder passed away. I changed jobs work part-time, but have a lot of my problems when my child is ill. Due to childcare, is not very good, and the manager has no children & not very understanding. I feel like banging my head against the wall, they dont seem to understand how difficult it is if you have no one. Just the children and I, apart from being lonely it si also very stressful, if you work somewhere that really dont care. My advice is find a part time job, that works around your children & you, at the end of the day, all children want there mummy when there ill.

[haidee]

With 2 kids childcare is extortionate, after the seismic shock of nursery bills, the £130 per week just for school pick ups still hurt - and when that increased to £270 during school holidays whether I used the childminder or not, well that was time to seriously consider our position. Unfortunately they won't let 5 year olds sweep chimneys nowadays so we had to find an alternative.

I've now got an Au Pair and it's MUCH cheaper. For £80 a week she sorts out the kids, the dog, some cleaning and all my washing is ironed and put back in my wardrobe. The downside is I have someone sharing my shoebox house but armed with a computer and a TV she spends a lot of time in her room anyway.

I always thought Au Pairs were something for the families with 4 cars, 3 houses a yacht and kids at Eton - NOT the case. More and more of my "normal" friends are going down this route mainly due to sheer practicalities of it all.

Haidee x

[lemonstarchristmastree]

me. I work Ft with 3 dcs (9 5 and 2) tbh it is hard but not much harder than when I was living with h

[Janos]

I do, one my own with one DS (3).

Yes, it is bloody hard work. I do have family support, although they are not nearby (1 1/2 hr train journey, I don't drive).

But just knowing they are there is a big help.

Knowing someone is totally on your side helps so much

[Nightynight]

I do, am also single mother of 4 and work f/t. It is the next thing to impossible. My work at the moment is VERY understanding - unfortunately it is just a temp job, and I was incredibly lucky to get it.