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How much maintence do you receive from your ex?& How often does he see the dcs?

43 replies

allgonebellyup · 10/11/2007 15:06

Sorry, this has probably been done a hundred times before..
i have 2 ex partners now, one is my dd's father and the other is my son's father.

Dd sees her dad one sunday every fortnight,more in hols, and he pays us £250 a month.

Ds's father has him (and dd sometimes)every single fri night til sunday night, and sometimes one evening in the week. He pays £450 a month.

Does all this sound reasonable?

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SweetFA · 10/11/2007 15:12

No money from either - though I think ds1's dad pays the csa £11 a week.

No contact with either.

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SweetFA · 10/11/2007 15:12

\not sure what's reasonable bump x

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tortoise · 10/11/2007 15:18

I have xps.
DS1 and DS2 see their Dad one night in the week and he drops them at school the next morning and her does friday evening until 5pm Satudays. Holidays he drops mid week and has Sunday (no idea why!). I get no money from him apart from he paid half for each of their birthday parties!

DD1 and DD2 see their Dad for 3hrs once a fortnight, supervised by his parents due to his abuse of my DS1. He doesn't pay a penny at all.

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SofiaAmes · 10/11/2007 15:20

What the fathers pay should be dependent on their income. How often they see their childen is dependent on their personality, your personality, the ability of the two of you to get along and the age of the children (don't forget that teenagers generally don't want to see anyone who doesn't give them lots of money and let them do whatever they want).

So, really only you can judge if what your children are getting from their fathers is reasonable.

And please could I offer some advice....even if you don't think it's reasonable, please be careful how you go about trying to change the situation. One of my dh's ex's chose to scream at him (and physically attacked me when I was pregnant with ds) everytime he called or came to see the kids. Eventually (after many years) he gave up and now rarely sees those kids (in addition they are teenagers and don't like visiting him because he won't let them drink and smoke at his house and won't buy them £200 trainers). He is only human and could only take so much.

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tortoise · 10/11/2007 15:21

2xps that should say!

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sweetkitty · 10/11/2007 15:34

Sorry but I just wanted to say that reading this thread and the one on single mums I am really that there is men out there who father children then do not pay a single penny towards their upkeep. I know there is men that do it I am not naive, I have an uncle who has a DD that lives in the same town as him and despite being wealthy he doesn't see her and has never given her a penny.

I just cannot believe that a man can justify knowing that his children are suffering, not having nice food, being warm enough etc whilst they are doing their utmost to avoid paying for their own children.

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lou33 · 10/11/2007 15:40

i posted on your other identical thread

basically not a penny in 2 yrs

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sweetkitty · 10/11/2007 15:40

and for you lou and all the others who don't get a penny

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allgonebellyup · 10/11/2007 16:17

sorry didnt mean to post the thread twice!!

God i feel quite lucky that my children both have lovely dads who care about them, and who pay towards their upbringing quite happily.
i think i am quite a good judge of character, and deep down i knew they would both be good dads even if our relationships with each other didnt work out.

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Rosasmum · 10/11/2007 19:01

Hi, I get £5 per week for dd. CSA were involved cos I claim IS. IMO you get a fab amount from both ex's and the contact arrangement sounds fair.

If you do want to change anything, bear in mind that access and maintenance aren't and shouldn't be linked

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pirategirl · 10/11/2007 19:08

I thought the same about my husband, being a good man. Then he left, and treats us like shit.

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yogimum · 10/11/2007 19:22

An ex of mine paid £3000 a month to his ex wife and children and travelled every other weekend about 300 miles. I really admired that quality in him.

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allgonebellyup · 10/11/2007 19:39

£3000 a month ????

He must've been earning a lot

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yogimum · 10/11/2007 19:46

well he was at the time so it is all relevent to what a guy is earning though I am shocked that men don't support their children.

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ipodtherforipoor · 10/11/2007 19:55

no money and no contact

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Nightynight · 10/11/2007 20:50

no money, and contact during the school hols.

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FioFio · 10/11/2007 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mamazon · 10/11/2007 20:56

he saw them today. he hasn't seen them in almost 7 months (my choice, he is abusive and i was fightnig to prevent access)

he gave them £10 each.

he doesn't send any money for them at all and claims to be on sickness benefits although i know he works.

if he would just go away and leave us alone i wouldn't ask him for a penny btu if he insists on being involved with them he should pay. imho

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allgonebellyup · 10/11/2007 20:59

yes i do think £700 is a lot, (it pays my mortgage so i basically have not much else to live on! but that is my choice)

i just wondered if others got the same sort of amounts and it would seem not.

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DarthVader · 10/11/2007 21:11

I think 20% of income for 2 kids would be pretty normal so if divorced from the father of your 2 kids who earned say £30k a year you nmight expect say around £350 a month.

Therefore £700 is a lot unless the fathers are unusually big earners. Also it seems to be potentially more financially rewarding that there are 2 different fathers compared to the same father iyswim

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allgonebellyup · 10/11/2007 21:16

Yes it seems that i do get more than a mum with kids by one man.

See, being a slapper has its upsides.

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nametaken · 10/11/2007 21:36

allgonebellyup you are very bad

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citylover · 10/11/2007 22:35

Mine pays me 20% of his net income and wears this as a badge of pride!! BUT the amount has not changed since 2006 (but I am sure his income has).

He picks them up from school once per week and sort of has them every other weekend.

It usually works out one night out of every other weekend.

Realise that its alot more than some people get but sort of feel that it's all done under suffrance!!

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citylover · 10/11/2007 22:36

or should that be sufferance (?)

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Skribble · 10/11/2007 23:07

exH will be paying more than 20% once I get all the Direct Debits switched over, plus a bit extra to help with the kids activities.

He has been having DS one evening, both on another evening when he can and one day at the weekend again when he can, will do some joint outings too with me. Plus some extra days when I am away working occasionaly. No over nights in the near future at my request, he probably couldn't manage them anyway.

I suppose this is a good deal compared to what others are getting. He is a good dad just not been around enough.

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