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He just wants to be friends!

10 replies

mocca · 09/11/2007 22:31

Been separated nearly a year and have met a great guy over the internet and we've been out a couple of times. He's going through a tough time right now, may lose contact with his kids, has no money, been depressed etc and for that reason says he has nothing to offer as far as a relationship is concerned. Despite all this we've really hit it off and I love his company. But he just wants to be friends. He says he does want a serious relationship at some stage but can't consider it right now (hasn't been involved with anyone else for a while so it's not as if he's getting over someone).

I'm trying to work out if it's worth hanging around - we are very compatible and I'm attracted to him too. It would be nice to have a male platonic friend but is that possible if you fancy someone? I'm scared if I get drunk I'll make a pass at him and make a real fool of myself. But it's doing my head in sitting here thinking how much I'd love to phone him and ask him to come round. He wants to go out again and has asked if I'll put him up so he doesn't have to drive home. I could just concentrate on developing the friendship and if I still feel the same way in a couple of months time and he still wants the friends thing, just move on. On the other hand, wouldn't I be saving myself a lot of grief just to cut my losses and move on now? Thanks

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Flibbertyjibbet · 09/11/2007 22:41

IME men who just want to be friends mean that they don't want to give you any commitment, but would like you available for them to have sex with when they feel like it. Hence I suspect his asking if he can stay over. He may have sex with you then when you think things have 'moved on' due to the intimacy, he will run a mile, shouting as he flees 'but I just wanted to be friends'.
I also suspect that he is keeping his options open in case he does meet someone who he wants a relationship.
Don't lower yourself by tippy toe-ing round him in the hope of something more.
Find yourself someone who does want a relationship if thats what you are looking for.
I think it was someone on friends who said 'he's just not that into you' (or was it Sex and the city?).
Sorry to sound negative but trust me over a 5 year period I was walked all over by men who I really liked but they 'just wanted to be friends'.

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noranora · 09/11/2007 23:14

very good post Flibbertyjibbet.
it was told in sex and the city.
i agree with all what you say.
sorry mocca, it will be better for you to move on to the next one.
this man telling you such stories to get pity from you, most men in hunt do that.
good luck.
xxx

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Tinkerbel5 · 10/11/2007 10:48

move on cause if you hang around waiting for him your feelings are going to develop and you are going to end up getting hurt, all this lets be friends business is hogwash and only used by someone who isnt into someone else, if a good catch came along its only human nature to snap it up which he hasnt done, he sounds like he has a lot of emotial baggage which you probably wont want to take on especailly since you havnt even been split up a year, spend time on your own and build up confidence so you dont attract these 'friends' in the future.

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colditz · 10/11/2007 10:52

Cut your losses. Go and have fun without him. NOT worth hanging around, don't lose your dignity.

IF he really isn't messing you around, and does want a relationship at some stage, let him come back when he is adult enough to deal with himself.

You Cannot Change Him Or Fix Him.

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Slinkymelinki · 10/11/2007 11:07

I agree with all that's been said here. I'd just like to add that just because he isn't 'into' you doesn't mean that you aren't a good catch! Some people just can't see the wood for the trees and don't realise what they have got until it's far too late!

I have been through something similar (many moons ago) with a man who 'just wanted to be friends' (just wanted to sleep with me) and I beat myself up over why he didn't want me! When it wasnt me at all! He was just a prize nipple and the proof was in the pudding! He too had been 'through' a lot too... yawn! Who hasn't! But then I met my Dp who loves me dearly and is ten times the man that said nipple will ever be. (Better looking too!) And now, I can look back and think how lucky I am not have been stuck with that loser!

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allgonebellyup · 10/11/2007 17:44

i started a thread like this the other day, im in the same situation as you..gorgeous bloke but he just wants to be friends..
frustrating as hell,isnt it?
i have decided that if he really liked me then he would make more effort. i have left the ball in his court and since heard nothing.
Sorry its not looking good for either of us!

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allgonebellyup · 10/11/2007 17:58

i started a thread like this the other day, im in the same situation as you..gorgeous bloke but he just wants to be friends..
frustrating as hell,isnt it?
i have decided that if he really liked me then he would make more effort. i have left the ball in his court and since heard nothing.
Sorry its not looking good for either of us!

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mocca · 12/11/2007 09:35

Thanks everyone. It's so hard because the more I get to know him, the more I'd like to more than just friends (I think!). So I'll take your advice and back off. Big time.

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mocca · 12/11/2007 09:43

ps allgonebellyup - nice to know there's someone out there who feels the same! Be strong! I'm about to send him an email to let him know the "friendship" can't go on and I feel lighter about things already.

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allgonebellyup · 12/11/2007 11:26

you never know, he might freak out at the thought of never seeing you again and realise he does want more from you??!

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