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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

so ex came to the door to pick up dd5, and she broke down, and creid that she didn't want to go. He stood there, did and said nowt

21 replies

pirategirl · 09/11/2007 19:43

and I tried to convince her, and she got hysterical clinign to me. I just looked at him, he said 'this is what she was like at my house last time'.

Then he started on about he was ill the week b4 last, and i said yes dd was too, as you know cos u brought her home early, and she ended up being ill all week and of school.

I said why dodn't you even call to see how she was, to which he replied 'whats the point she never wants to speak to me, so don't start that'

So dd is here, he left head hung. DD then said, mummy i liove dad but his gf scares me and makes me nervous.

I just stood there, wondering how the fuck did this ever get to this. Is that really the man who was with me althose yrs, was ther in the delivery room. Sorry but I just fel so very sad, that this has turend into such a mess.

I even feel sorry for him, cos he's so blind and stupid, and seems totally governed by his feeligns for his gf.

Don;t expect any answers, i just feel alone and had enough, and want run away from this mess.

OP posts:

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handlemecarefully · 09/11/2007 19:46

That's worrying.

Why does his gf scare her?

totaleclipse · 09/11/2007 19:47

Why is she scared of his girlfriend? Sorry have not followed your story, you may have already mentioned it, hope she is feeling better, and yourself

katiebirdie · 09/11/2007 19:48

Your poor dd I really dont understand how some parents can choose new relationships over their children. Hopefully he will come to his senses soon. (((hugs))) in the meantime

THelesbellsRINGOUTFORCHRISTMAS · 09/11/2007 19:49

shit pg
its horrible - i agree with you - he could have at least called to check she was ok, he's her dad ffs!

i can never understand it when people who brought a child into the world, love and nurture them, then become so distant when the family breaks down. i could never be distant from my children - i couldnt even to begin to imagine it....he is an arse who is now paying for it with dds reaction to him and he will continue to pay for it as she gets older.

poor dd and poor you.

ruddynorah · 09/11/2007 19:49

how awful. maybe your ex could see dd without the gf there for a while?

haychee · 09/11/2007 19:50

oh dear, scary gfs not good.

Lizzylou · 09/11/2007 19:51

Pirategirl, sorry that you and your DD are both upset.
You need to talk with your ex and find out why your daughter is scared of his GF and how you can move forward from here.
Perhaps your ex just takes your DD out for the day without his GF for a while?

pirategirl · 09/11/2007 19:51

i think she is not in tune at ll with dd, and is has a very snidey way about her.

I think dd is jealous, ex dh doesnt spend much tiome with her, doesnt give her alone time, He wont contemplate it. The gf is very dogmatic, and dd just doesnt like the sitch, her, the whole deal.

She has been quite mean to dd on numerous occasions, also dd is used to mum, and tbh who can blame her when ex just doesnt give her enought time, or even have a clue how to engage with her.

ex and his gf are getting married next yr, and dd is upset, but hasn't beed sat down and spoek too about the wedding at all.

I know that gf has shaken dd in the past, has hurt dd's feelings too.

ex won't take it seriously. Gf has ruing me up dictating to me on numerous occasions, too. I just dont know anymore. i am sick of it, just sick sick sick.

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pirategirl · 09/11/2007 19:54

lizzylou he wont. I asked him that 2 yrs ago, i asked him about 3 months ago, to build bridges.

He tild me not to start on about that agian.

dd is not daft she seems well aware of what is lacking, esp the older she gets.

He has turned into a wet wipe of a man imo. DD has no time for him, despite loving him.

poor girl my heart f ing breaks. ex saw me go thru similar with my father, and saw one of out mates go thru this when her dh left, but since he has gone he has been worse, and cant see what its doing to her.

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LucyElasticband · 09/11/2007 20:08

that is sad

clam · 09/11/2007 20:22

I know it's hard, when you're so churned up and fed up with the whole situation, but is there any way you cd arrange to meet up with him one-to-one (or even with a 3rd party to mediate??) to discuss the way forward? And be as calm and rational as you possibly can (stick pins in his effigy once you get home) and say you're concerned as how best to get a happier situation for all..... or some b**x like that? He's not going to want to hear that dd is scared of the OW, but it's a valid concern.

pirategirl · 09/11/2007 20:26

he wont i am afraid, i have suggested this. HIs gf rang me and said if I went for mediation, or third party, he would not turn up..
I have been told that if 'I' continue to have a go at him about his parenting, then he'll be forced not to bother seeing her anymore.

its all about him. i feel like just going away. making it easier that then dd wouldnt have to see him so often anyway, put a huge distanc ebetween us. I can't live like this any more. He's left us but its still shit. I am so down right now. He got what he wanted, we got nothing. Its like i am his person to blame, to kick down and dd is now becoming a burden on him.

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macdoodle · 09/11/2007 21:53

Poor DD and poor you.....leave it up to him it is not your job to make him a good parent...I know you feel sad for DD but she has you and you are great...in the end he will lose you and DD will always have each other ...be strong for her and yourself !

handlemecarefully · 09/11/2007 22:01

I don't even feel qualified to say this in any way, but do you think a clean break may be the painful but right answer (in the longer term) - where you move far away.... rather than this long drawn out torture? That's if he truly doesn't seem to want to be there for her

I know it is something that can't be done in any way lightly

pirategirl · 10/11/2007 10:15

morning, i just don't have the answers, thanks for replying.

Life for me andd is so easy without him in it, about, or phoning.

What a f ing waste of my timeitsbeenthe last 3 yrs trying to keep it all together, for his sake, for her sake.

Good luck to him and his Jim'll fix it wedding. Bastard c*nt.

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skeletonbones · 10/11/2007 10:34

its so heartbreaking to see the childrens absent parent see less and less of them and for them not to interested in the kids isn't it. I think if it was me I would just not send DD when shes upset and leave it up to him to come/phone and make the effort, If he's so tied up in the new GF and so disinterested in your DD maybe the contact stopping will be the best thing for your DD?
No easy answer is there really, having upsetting contact with a rubbish dad is sad for children but so is no contact, I decided with mine just to let him sod off and not to bother trying to make him see them really, and have found kids are much more settled and happier with less contact, he still sees them a couple of hours on a sunday Pm sometimes though which I think will be dropped by him eventually and I'm not sure how they will be when/if they don't see him much at all

Tinkerbel5 · 10/11/2007 10:43

you did the right thing not forcing her to go, I think you and your ex (minus the g/f) need to sit down and come to some kind of arrangement, why cant he spend a few hours with her on his own and take her places like the park, bowling, skating, pictures etc ?

clam · 10/11/2007 11:37

Well, if life is very much easier when he's not around, and dd doesn't appear to want to go with him and the ow, then why not call his bluff and give it a rest completely? It doesn't have to be forever...... or maybe it will. Play it by ear, but whatever, it sounds like you need some peace from him to recover your strength.

bonkerz · 10/11/2007 11:43

the best thing i ever did for me and DS was move hundreds of miles away from DSs real father. He made our life hell with his GF and thought it was ok to dip in and out of DSs life when he felt like it. We cut all contact although DS was only 2 so doesnt remember.

fireflyfairy2 · 10/11/2007 11:48

Aw your poor poor dd.

How fucking dare some woman your dp has decided to marry, feel that she can shake your dd!!

Tbh I would have put a stop to any visits on the first clue I got about him letting his GF treat dd badly.

He doesn't deserve to have dd with him if he doesn't think her feelings are valid.

pirategirl · 10/11/2007 19:01

hi, what a lovely lot you are. Was feeling low all day on dd's behalf. Just sat with her now and she did a lovely painting by numbers, really neatly. She's such a sensitive sausage, and also outgoing, so she's a joy to be around, and he is missingout.

Funnily enough, he rang. Just to say hello to her. I was amazed. As for thepast few months he hasn't rung inbetween visits.

I AM sure I did the right thing this time, not making her go. he was standing there, and saw the upset. He saw me try to convince her. He's made it this way, not me. silly man.

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