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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

right now these songs were made for me

62 replies

muma3 · 21/09/2007 21:17

whether your angry upset or hurt or just need to feel understood i think these may help . really listen to the words.

justin timberlake -what goes around
usher -burn
whitney-its not right (esp the line "rather be alone then unhappy)

thought they may come of some help to anyone who feels like me right now. very theraputic i reckon.
will be playing them full blast tmw once he has picked kids up !!

OP posts:

Report

StUnTmAnTaLcY · 21/09/2007 21:18

.........ive got a good one for you muma3...but i have to pop off and find it...the lyrics are fantastic...

muma3 · 21/09/2007 21:20

need to let these tears out tmw big time. i wont have kids and have had to hold it all back. a whole week it has been hard.

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StUnTmAnTaLcY · 21/09/2007 21:22

....sorry mumma3........

have a good cry

Pinkchampagne · 21/09/2007 21:28

Sounds like you're having a bad time, muma3.
Sorry you are feeling upset.

Alambil · 21/09/2007 21:32

also if you have just come out of abuse, listen to Jamelia's Thank-you

I swore I was going to send it to my ex!!

here it is

StUnTmAnTaLcY · 21/09/2007 21:33

here it is....second half is fantastic....

Alambil · 21/09/2007 21:34

oops sorry, I posted before I finished

I actually found it exceptionally empowering in the first year (or as long as you need) to get such songs, whether they be the "let me lend you a tissue whilst you cry out your pain" or the more "I WILL overcome this" types and listen to them at any opportunity you have

Alambil · 21/09/2007 21:41

this is definitely good to listen to

take it an hour at a time ... don't rush yourself. Please listen to this song

muma3 · 21/09/2007 22:39

thanks guys , been on phone to friend for nearly hour so sorry i didnt reply sooner. have downloaded and were blast tmw.

thanks again for mesgs its more then hard ill keep going for kids what choice do i have. im a failure so be it

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StUnTmAnTaLcY · 21/09/2007 22:43

it has to get better....keep this thread bumped...hopefully others that can empathise will post for you....

take care

Alambil · 21/09/2007 22:47

you aren't a failure... what did you fail at ? being human ?

well, if you are a failure - I am a failure.

I completely understand where you are at, totally... you need to find a release though - whether it be here, on the phone to a friend or in the car or even, heavens forbid, on the loo

muma3 · 21/09/2007 22:50

i have 3 kids 3 diff dads and im 25 , i just cant keep anything together. unloveable as my mum described me once and im beginning to think she was right

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StUnTmAnTaLcY · 21/09/2007 22:53

stop beating yourself up muma3...please...

i don't know what to say....you sound too sad....

StUnTmAnTaLcY · 21/09/2007 22:54

i bet your children don't think you're unlovable....i bet their little worlds revolve around their one and only mum...
do you need to ask for support?...friends...famoly....gp?

Alambil · 21/09/2007 22:56

nope, not having it.... she was WRONG

sure, 3 kids, 3 dads isn't conventional (I rekon it is far more common than you think) but it doesn't mean you are unlovable ... doesn't mean you failed

I don't know your story but I do know this - I know I am right, even though I haven't met you and I know that you are NOT unlovable, you are NOT a failure, your kids love you, someone, somewhere will love you and your kids...

clearly life is shit at the moment - I am further along in my story than I think you are, but please, do NOT make this all your fault - it isn't.

Remember the grieving process - something has "died", it will take a long time to get over it - more so if you keep lumping all this extra "failure" stuff at your door.

Please try to stop yourself believing your mum - I truly know how hard it is, I understand the bad stuff is easier to believe, but honestly - it isn't true

StUnTmAnTaLcY · 21/09/2007 22:58

...well done lewisfan...i am crap at saying what i mean...you are so eloquent.....and you are so right......listen to her muma3...she speaks sense

Alambil · 21/09/2007 23:01

I am not eloquent - I just feel so passionately about single parents taking all the blame and believing the feelings of rejection are true when they aren't - they just make us feel so much worse for NO real reason

muma3 · 21/09/2007 23:04

im trying, im a very independant person as a result of my non mothering mother and i can stand on my own have a will through no choice of my own. i know i may of been hard work to keep happy but to have had a little respect and a little love isnt a lot to ask and if there was anything i could of done to change things i would of and would hold my hands up . i just want a family . just want the kids to have a half normal life. i feel so guilty to them . i havent had kids willy nilly. i married dd2 dad and we friends now. i have pt everything into being a good partner and mother. i am a good mum i know that much but i just cant find anyone to cherish me and love me. i am plagued with bad luck. i know this may sound so pityful but if you knew my life you would understand.
i know people been through worse but to be unloved rejected by people close and then feel abandoned is the worse feeling ever

no .. no family and friends other side of town since i moved. even they dont know what to say to me anymore. no one can understand why it has all gone wrong other then he is selfish selfish selfish and i cat change that not matter how much i am still in love

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Alambil · 21/09/2007 23:17

oh balls to it, i just wrote this really excellent post then deleted it ... gahh!!

basically, it said: selfish people can't love properly...they are permanently distracted so whether or not you are independent, he couldn't possibly have cherished you as he had someone else in first place instead of you

your post isn't pitying either - it is just how life is right now and I for one know just how you feel... not sure about anyone else, but am almost sure they do too

don't forget that there may be a local Gingerbread group, if you so wanted lone-parent company (you might not...)

whereabouts in the country are you? are you in the UK even?

muma3 · 22/09/2007 10:15

yes in uk.

he picked them up this morning to take them to surrey to see him family. day to myself to cry and get it all out.

scared of myself at the minute, i want a drink.
mother was an alcholic and i am petified of it. do drink dont get me wrong but its all i think about at the minute. though that maybe i could lose weight with all this strees but am scoffing and getting fatter, wasnt skinny.....

was meant to be going to a friends toda but her lo has a bday party so... im stuck but i think i do need time on my own right now. i do enjoy my own company but could do with support , which my friends have been. even mutual friends have listened to me for hours and are angry at him now. its so not black and white and if someone asks what happened i couldnt explain. im averaging hour phone calls before i can make anyone see how i felt and how it all crumbled. feel like i have people behind me now and know how i feel and what happened and they cant believe all the things that have happened. feels good to be understood. i have lived with a brick wall for soo long and now im getting heard and its comforting.

got music on already !!

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muma3 · 22/09/2007 10:42

help!!!!

really angry right now.

after all the money he feels he has to do about money he still planned to gout last night. said he couldnt have kids becoause he had a right to go out oo and it was nothing to do with me.
all i asked him thursady is when he coming to see girls next right....

found out he didnt go out at all

i just want to phone him and go mad but i dont want him to think i care !!!

WHAT DO I DO ????

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muma3 · 22/09/2007 10:43

ALL THE MOANING .. THAT WAS MEANT TO BE

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Alambil · 22/09/2007 10:54

so he's not got the kids today? sorry - am slightly confused

if he keeps this faffing around with the kids, he will need to be told that it is not on and until he changes, he doesn't get to see them - they are too fragile (as are you) to be pissed around

muma3 · 22/09/2007 10:59

NO HE SAID THURSADY THAT HE COULDNT COME AND SEE THEM LAST NIGHT AS HE HAD TO GO OUT WITH MATES AND NEEDED TIME sorry
needed time to go out and relax and it was nothing to do with me . i made it clear i wasnt bothered just wanted to know for kids.

he didnt go out last night .

he came today and never said a word to me, he was meant to go with my friends bro and bf, they went and she just phoned about something else and said not sure why but * didnt go with them ??

arsehole

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Alambil · 22/09/2007 11:02

what a pig... why do men always insist on lying - do they think we won't find out the truth?!!!

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