Just discovered today that school has been sharing info with the children's father. He is the non resident parent and has not visited the children more than once in 2 years. When I moved South, away from him, he sought a Prohibitive Steps Order which was totally dismissed and also sought residency which was laughed out of court, so to speak.
The only reason he knows which school they are at is because I raised the issue of sharing out care over some holidays, i.e. he never contributes to this by having them visit. Anyway, he got all blustery and "I'm the father I do my bit" on me and demanded to be reminded (I had told him when they started this school 6 months ago) what the name of the school was so that he could make amends. He never has before so I think it likely he won't ever bother.
I know that he periodically becomes very 'involved' usually with a giant push from his overbearing mother (she has been known to telephone the school to have chats with the head about her grandchildren from abroad rather than asking me even though I strive to maintain good relations with them, sending photos and letters, etc.)
The reason for this feigned interest, imo, is that their father likes to cover all bases and keep his hand in in case he ever fancies doing the dad thing in the future. In every other respect he is utterly disinterested. I don't doubt that he loves the children but like his mother is with them, it is more of a 'they are my posessions' kind of love and he does rather see them as an extension of himself.
Anyway, they are off to spend 5 days with their granny and granddad on ex dh's side next week and daddy will be joining them for some of the time. This will no doubt be wonderful for the dcs but confusing at the same time. He is doing it to impart gifts as ds just had his birthday, so no doubt more pomp and show.
Anyway, I am rather bitter about all this because I believe the children deserve a whole lot better. Also, as a mother who entered a joint partnership in producing and raising these children I feel that I deserve more respect too. I don't hanker after my relationship with dh at all as, if honest, I never loved him and he was rather a rebound relationship that meandered along longer than it should have - more fool me. So, I have no interest in getting upset as some extension of my upset at the end of the marriage. We've been divorced for about 5 years I think now.
What I'd like to ask is whether the general feeling is that this information sharing without checking with me is acceptable. Legally, their father is named on the birth certificate but was not granted parental responsibility when we had the whole residency thing sorted through court.
To me, he is just meddling and lacking genuine interest but would be grateful to hear your views and perhaps the legal side of all this.
I must admit, it does worry me as the threat of another battle over whom they live with is always there and I hate that feeling. So, if I have a legal leg to stand on, I probably would request that information about the children was not made available to him. That way, I could share what I feel is important or relevant. This does annoy me very much because I ring the idiot to tell him when teeth fall out and sports days go well, etc.
Phew!
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20 replies
newlifenewname · 26/07/2007 15:15
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