school sharing info

[newlifenewname]

Just discovered today that school has been sharing info with the children's father. He is the non resident parent and has not visited the children more than once in 2 years. When I moved South, away from him, he sought a Prohibitive Steps Order which was totally dismissed and also sought residency which was laughed out of court, so to speak.

The only reason he knows which school they are at is because I raised the issue of sharing out care over some holidays, i.e. he never contributes to this by having them visit. Anyway, he got all blustery and "I'm the father I do my bit" on me and demanded to be reminded (I had told him when they started this school 6 months ago) what the name of the school was so that he could make amends. He never has before so I think it likely he won't ever bother.

I know that he periodically becomes very 'involved' usually with a giant push from his overbearing mother (she has been known to telephone the school to have chats with the head about her grandchildren from abroad rather than asking me even though I strive to maintain good relations with them, sending photos and letters, etc.)

The reason for this feigned interest, imo, is that their father likes to cover all bases and keep his hand in in case he ever fancies doing the dad thing in the future. In every other respect he is utterly disinterested. I don't doubt that he loves the children but like his mother is with them, it is more of a 'they are my posessions' kind of love and he does rather see them as an extension of himself.

Anyway, they are off to spend 5 days with their granny and granddad on ex dh's side next week and daddy will be joining them for some of the time. This will no doubt be wonderful for the dcs but confusing at the same time. He is doing it to impart gifts as ds just had his birthday, so no doubt more pomp and show.

Anyway, I am rather bitter about all this because I believe the children deserve a whole lot better. Also, as a mother who entered a joint partnership in producing and raising these children I feel that I deserve more respect too. I don't hanker after my relationship with dh at all as, if honest, I never loved him and he was rather a rebound relationship that meandered along longer than it should have - more fool me. So, I have no interest in getting upset as some extension of my upset at the end of the marriage. We've been divorced for about 5 years I think now.

What I'd like to ask is whether the general feeling is that this information sharing without checking with me is acceptable. Legally, their father is named on the birth certificate but was not granted parental responsibility when we had the whole residency thing sorted through court.

To me, he is just meddling and lacking genuine interest but would be grateful to hear your views and perhaps the legal side of all this.

I must admit, it does worry me as the threat of another battle over whom they live with is always there and I hate that feeling. So, if I have a legal leg to stand on, I probably would request that information about the children was not made available to him. That way, I could share what I feel is important or relevant. This does annoy me very much because I ring the idiot to tell him when teeth fall out and sports days go well, etc.

Phew!

[mojosmum]

on my dds school inrolement for i have to fill in if dds dad had parental responcibility & he doesnt i thought it ment that he couldnt get info but if he can i am very unhappy & will be asking the school about this as i feel he doesnt have that right

[Rosasmum]

I do not think that the school should be discussing your children's education with their grandparents whatever the situation. As for their father, if he is named on any paperwork the school have then they may just be following their routines,
In my opinion, I do not think they should discuss the children with him if he is not a participating parent. I would contact the head and request that she no longer discusses anything about your children with anybody without consulting you first.

[newlifenewname]

Thanks for replies to my rather lengthy post.

Hmmmm.... I deliberately left him off all paperwork. This makes me seem a little irrational and mean but I don't see what real interest he has in this sort of info if he doesn't bother to see them in years. Anyway, he must have made a request to school, so you'd think they would check it with me first.

[yerblurt]

If he has PR then the school is under legal duty to provide him with information (school reports / information on school events).

I don't condone his actions, he's behaving like a uncaring father, but he still does have the right to the information on the kids schooling, it's just a shame that he doesn't choose to play more of an active role in their lives.

[newlifenewname]

Ok, he doesn't have PR so does this mean the school are not obliged?

[Tinkerbel5]

the school shouldnt be giving out any information without your consent or PR in place, if you have left your ex off the paperwork then he must have lied in someway for the school to be sending him information, it could be that he has convinced them he has more input in the childrens lives than what he has. I would have thought that he would have had to prove that he was indeed who he says he was and documentation, whats stopping any tom, dick or harry ringing up a school and saying they are john smiths dad and from now on they want information on how the children are doing at school

I would ring up the child information services at your local council today and explain to them what has happened and ask them to investigate and get back to you

[yerblurt]

"By newlifenewname on Fri 27-Jul-07 00:15:18
Ok, he doesn't have PR so does this mean the school are not obliged?"

... are you sure he doesn't have PR? If he is named on the birth certificate or you were married he automatically has PR.

Again, the legislation says that anyone with PR has the right to be kept up to date by schools, doctors, education authorities etc.

Ex could make an application for PR if he doesn't already have it, PR is usually granted as a matter of course. There has to be demonstrated a good reason for PR NOT to be granted.

Check that he definitely doesn't have PR, sorry, can you remind me of the situation re. ex - where you married/name on birth certificate etc?

[newlifenewname]

Well, we were not married when we had dd and we were married when we had ds. I called up my solicitor about this and apparently it comes down to the fact that they were born before PR became automatic (Dec 2003) and so he has to apply for it and have it granted. This was all dealt with at the PSO and Residency hearings and he definitely does NOT have PR.

[newlifenewname]

My first instinct would be to call the school and ask them about it but with it being the holidays...

[MrsMarvel]

Any idea why he wants the school information in the first place?

[newlifenewname]

Well, I think it is part trying to appear 'fatherly' without having to exert himself too much and part fact gathering in the hope he can form some sort of case against me in future fights over residency.

I bet he jumped up and down with personal glee when I told him we were in a refuge. I've always been honest with him and he has always used the info against me. The courts and other agencies have always said that I am doing a fantastic job under the circumstances and so he has never got anywhere.

Although I didn't deliberately (of course) put the children through all that we have been through I could almost see why he'd be justified in thinking why they might be better off with him but then I look at how little he puts in and how he just likes the glory. For example, he owes me over £5000 in maintenance. He also refused to have the dcs while now ex partner was missing and the police divers came to search the tarn next to our house so I was forced to pack them off to their Granny in Spain in order to spare them the trauma - just little things like this that show he has no true concern for their well-being but every concern for looking like a model dad when he thinks anyone might be looking.

[Surfermum]

If you tell the school not to give him the information, he may well take you to Court to get PR. Depends I guess if he's the sort to do that to prove a point. Is there really going to be anything in the school reports that you wouldn't want him to know? If not I don't think it's worth making a fuss and risking ending up back in Court and causing animosity between the two of you.

And maybe he does actually want to know how his children are getting on, and the way he will see it is why should he only have the information that you are willing to impart? If you only tell him certain things he might think there's something to hide. I'm not saying there is - but just that's how he might look at it.

I can understand why you're angry with him though.

[legalalien]

Not really my area, but:
Piece of paper to wave at school (all roads lead back to the DPA)

www.ico.gov.uk/upload/documents/library/data_protection/detailed_specialist_guides/technical_ guidancenoteaccesstopupilsinformationheldbyschoolsinengland.pdf. Looks like they can't respond to a general request for info about a child unless they've clarified that the person has PR.

There are separate regs relating specifically to disclosure of educational records, and these use the term "parent", which isn't defined in the regs. May be defined somewhere else - does anyone know about these?

www.statutelaw.gov.uk/legResults.aspx?LegType=All+Legislation&title=Education+(Pupil+Informat ion)&searchEnacted=0&extentMatchOnly=0&confersPower=0&blanketAmendment=0&TYPE=QS&NavFrom=0&activeTex tDocId=2005659&PageNumber=1&SortAlpha=0

[wheresthehamster]

I know that they are entitled to reports etc if they ask. Are you meaning other things?
He can't just phone up and ask about their general well-being without them okaying it with you first, can they?

[MrsMarvel]

You are in a refuge - is he dangerous? If there is any risk to you or the children I would guess the school should under no circumstances give out any information to him that may inadvertently give him access.

[newlifenewname]

Good points surfermum. Do you think he would have PR granted due to his lack of involvement? As I say, in last two years he has only seen them once and that was because I drove them up to Cumbria specially to see him.

He demanded a contact order which stated 1 weeknd in 4 and for the children to be 'made available for a telephone call every Sunday at 6pm'

He had made this call a handful of times. Admittedly sometimes we've missed it but we do call back and call at other times. Ds always refuses to speak to him without fail.

I cannot imagine school holding any information that would bother him/me but he does twist things. He got his solicitor to write a letter criticising the fact that the children had attended several different schools over the last 3 years, which is true but has not been a particular problem.

[newlifenewname]

Thanks LA, again!

MrsMarvel - we are no longer in a refuge and when we were it was due to abuse in my subsequenyt long-term relationship.

Good at relationships me

[yerblurt]

You have to look at the bigger picture.

Is information regarding the children (i.e. school progress reports) actually going to make that much difference? Why not let him have the information?

Thing is, if he does make an application for PR then all likely he will get it. Court applications for PR are usually rubber stamped. Again, there has to be a good reason for dad NOT to have PR.

I would just allow normal stuff like school progress reports to be released.

[legalalien]

good advice I think yerblurt. I would, though, have a word with the school if they're "having chats" with your MIL. Apart from anything else, she could be anyone - and it raises a concern about what sort of security procedures they have in place.

[legalalien]

obviously, EX mil.