Are we at the end?

[pol26]

For an age now OH and I have had probs. I fell preg 4mths after getting together, even though was on the pill and so we had DD and have since had DS. We will have been together for 4 years in Sept and just feeling pretty sad about it all.

We have always had problems. He just is a typical bloke and expects EVERYTHING done for him, which was ok pre-kids but now I have so much to do and sometimes he has to wait which he doesn't like doing. Don't get me wrong he isn't a terrible Dad but he could be alot better. He has never put DS to bed and DD about 10 times if that and sometimes i'd just like a break.

Because we lived in two diff place I sold my house when DD was 10mths old and moved awaya from my sister (only family I have) to be near his job and his family for the benfit of him, us, the kids and his family. I feel as if i've given up everything and sacrificed everything for everyone else and when it comes to a little give and take - everyone is there to take but theres not much giving going on... MIL and FIL had always said they would have kids (and have all other grandkids) and now I asked if they would she said no it would interfere with OTHERS too much!!! GRR! OH did nothing to stand up for our kids or me and it got me thinking.

We never talk, it seems we have nothing in common. He lies quiet alot about stupid things but there has been big things in the past. His mum, dad, brothers, sister and their kids have always came much higher on his priorities than me or the kids. And we have rowed about it before. Fincially I have very little, which was my reason for going back to study and then work so I could support our kids and me and not have to go without.

We, well he brought this house and we moved in, in Feb but he didn't have my name on the mortgage and he is always saying to ppl how it's 'his' house, not ours. When I sold my house part of the profit paid off his loan and paid housekeeping for 6mths as he gave me nothing and paid no bills except he paid the rent... I feel so cheated.

I'm tired of him coming in from work and not even speaking to me. And if he does - which is rare it's whats for tea... or moaning about what had happened at work etc... He shouts at DD and is pretty unfair - I understand she is at THAT testing time atm but even so.

We've been at the stage before when i've packed some stuff to go but he has always promised to change etc... and he does for about two weeks - then it's all back to the usual crap and stuff... nothing really changes. And the fact is he won't change. So the question is do I put up with it all or do I leave?

My sister has said she'll put us up... even though she has 3 children under five and herself in a small three bed house... then with me and my two it would be so crammed... but it's looking more and more and more inviting - just to get away from all the misery here. I just have no one to talk to. He doesn't listen/ignores me or just says i'm being stupid/shouts at me. I just feel stuck here, know no one and am ust at my wits end.

[Tinkerbel5]

get out he is treating you like crap, the fact he didnt put your name on the house deeds is because he is protecting no.1 (him), make the move and get your name on the housing register and you will probably get a place fairly quickly as you will be overcrowed round your sisters, get legal advice (CAB) on getting your money back that paid off his loan, do you have proof that you actually did this as you might need it, good luck

[AMAZINWOMAN]

I agree with tinkerbell, you need to get some advice about your housing options. Go to a cab, (hopefully your answer is on the cab website!) or try phoning gingerbread. An advice line for lone parent families.

When you know your options and entitlements, it is so much easier making a decision.
Maybe when he realises you are doing this it will be the massive kick up the backside that he needs to see that you are serious.
and not change for two weeks, but permament.

[notsodumbblonde]

I agree with all of them, you need to stand up and walk out. It may seem easy everyone else saying it but I wish I had listened before. My ex sounds very similar to yours except mine used to physically, emotionally and financially abuse me. I have 2 small boys (2 and 5) and my best friend found out about him abusing me, she told me to leave and that I could stay with her etc but I thought he would change and that her house was also very small and it would have been cramped. I struggled on for another few months until I found out that he was cheating again! it was the last straw and I told him to leave, he threatened to kill me then left. He wasnt expecting me to stand up to him, only wish I had done it sooner! Dont get me wrong, its not plain sailing and I have lots of worries and concerns, but who doesnt. Life will be better, no one deserves to be walked over and being taken advantage of. Only you can decide but think hard about it and stick to your decision, Good luck

[KC1]

Have you ever considered counselling? My ex and I had problems and we went to see if we could sort it out. We didn't in the end and I realised that it was better for us to raise our daughter separately than together because all the arguing does impact on your little ones.

If you do take time out from each other, and he does want to get back together, you can make counselling a condition of that process. If nothing else, counselling helped us to see why and where we were going wrong. It's up to the two of you to do what it takes to make the relationship work after that.

I have alot more peace now that we no longer live together but it's also harder in other areas and while I know it was the right thing to do at the end of the day, it's not a decision to take lightly, particularly when there are little ones involved.