In court with ex hus in 2 weeks

[orangehead]

He used to have reg contact with 2 ds but a yr and a half ago after several concerns that he was not looking after them properly, ds1 told me thier dad would leave them alone in house whilst he went to shops, they were aged 2 and 3 1/2. So I told him he could only c them supervised and he said that he wouldnt see them at all then and I didnt hear from him again till about 2 months ago. Went 2 court and they agreed vists should be supervised but ex said he wants his father to supervise. His father left him when he was a child and only been intouch with him the last year or 2 therefore I dont know his father as he wasnt on the scene all time we married. All i know about him is that he used to beat up his partner. Told this to court they said irelevant just coz he hit a woman doesnt mean he will hurt child. Court said they will do a police check on his dad and if it comes back ok he can do it. So will find out when back in 2 weeks. Feel so let down by court a police check means nothing, I wouldnt let a stranger look after my kids just coz they police check ok. Also surely the person supervising needs to be unbiased, I have no gurantee he will supervise he could go off and leave ex 2 it. It is so horrible when court officals who know nothing about my boys decide if a stranger can supervise. Sorry 2 waffle

[skyatnight]

That sounds awful, Orangehead. You must be really worried for your sons. Could you ask for the contact to be supervised by social services to start with, at a contact centre? I don't know enough to be able to help but I hope someone else will be able to.

[orangehead]

I suggested contact centre but court says they use at last resort would rather someone else do it, it just doesnt seem right

[nappyaddict]

if he left your ex and didn't supervise i think he could get into trouble.

do they have any evidence that he used to beat his partner up? i assume they can't say no without evidence?

[skyatnight]

I suppose social services supervising costs money and they'd rather not spend it. But surely the children's welfare should come first and, if your ex is unreliable and possible negligent with your 2 ds, someone external (unrelated to him) should supervise? Not someone who has been known to be violent and who abandoned his own child?!

Got to go to bed now but I hope someone else knows more about this and there is something you can do.

[Tinkerbel5]

orangehead I would go back to your solicitor and voice your concerns, can the courts be sure than the father isnt in plans with your ex to run off with the children, this man is a stranger to your children, is there any way you can stay there the whole time to supervise ?

[notsodumbblonde]

Just read your message and thought that I had to respond. I am going to court shortly over contact and residency orders. I stopped contact with my childrens father due to his lack of responsibility and that I suffered 7 years of mental, physical and financial abuse from him. He has now started to play mind games with the kids (who are only 2 and 5 years)telling them to do things and make it known to me so that it would annoy me. This greatly upset my oldest child who was crying uncontrollably when he can home. The visits have been few and far between since he walked out over 17months ago. We were married for 5 years however I found out about at least 3 affairs that he had. Each time he made it out that I was to blame and even told me to seek help for my shortcommings, ie the fact I didnt trust him! I think I had good reason too. Anyway, to cut a very long story short, he has decided to take me to court over getting the children to live with him, he has no family near him, he moved home to be with his current girlfriend which is over 1 hours drive away, and he works full time on a shift pattern. I also work but I have a very supportive family around me who love the kids very much. I really scared that the courts will decide to listen to him and take my babies away from me - he is a compulsive liar and is very convincing. Im at the end of my tether and dont know what to do!

[Tinkerbel5]

hope it works out for you notsodumbblonde, maybe you can write it down how he has behaving recently and how it is affecting the children and pass it on to your solicitor, he wont get custody unless you arent looking after your children properly which I doubt relates to you, he is just sounding off, so try and stay calm at all times and show that you are the level headed one that does the best for her children, good luck

[notsodumbblonde]

Thanks Tinkerbel5, Ive heard so many horrible stories about mothers getting their children taken off them, but I really dont think he has a chance, its just all the uncertainty. My solicitor already knows alot about what happen to me previously, its just that my ex is such a good liar and very convincing, if only they knew the real truth - really hoping its all going to come out at court and I can prove him to be liar. Fingers crossed

[orangehead]

notsodumbblonde- kids only get taken from mums in really severe cases like you abusing them and evidence of that, u will not lose yr kids. My ex use to threaten me with having the kids taken of me saying he would bring up my history of depression as well as lies, it used to really scare me so I understand how you upset over it but kids are not taken of mums lightly. Im sure my ex is only doing this to try and have some control over me I know he doesnt give a damn about the kids maybe similar, sounds similar with abuse and mind games.
Unfortunetly I think the law is more concerned with the fathers right to have contact (which I dont disagree with) that they have forgotten it is about what in the best interest of the children but I know from friends when it comes to custody its a diff ball game mums r always the fav. I hope u ok know its really stressful. Im in court on wed, feel sick 2 my stomach about what is going to happen

[orangehead]

tinkerbel5- thanks 4 support, solis has already said that basically what cascas officer says goes and Im not allowed to supervise, although Id prefer it 2 his dad it wouldnt be a good idea he plays mind games and would try 2 worm his way back in, not 2 get back 2 geva just 2 mess me up. I cant believe I married him.

[orangehead]

he never turned up. Cant believe I stressed so much 4 nothing

[Tinkerbel5]

really that wont go in his favour then if it all goes back to court.

[Debra1981]

hi orangehead, just wondered how you're doing, have you been back to court? hope things are calm for you!