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So dh wants to stay in the house and I have a plan but...........

42 replies

Ulysees · 09/02/2007 16:43

dh is hopping mad.
I've been to the council to see what's available i.e. nothing. I've hunted for a private let and nothing suitable in our area. Where we live is pretty sort after hence no council houses.
so, where my neices live is a nice area, not too far from where I grew up. They both have housing association places and they're lovely 3 bedroom houses, close to a decent school and village. I rang elder neice and discussed it with her and said I'm going to try to get one. Rang HO and they're sending me a form, asked me to get letter from dh and dr etc.... all which will give me extra points. So, I told dh and he'll write letter but when I said the boys will have to change to that school he went off it. Said there's no way they're changing schools. The house is way too far for me to get them there and back, it's the other side of town and I don't have a car. I know it isn't ideal but he wants to stay in our cosy house so what does he expect? Plus I'll have lots of support over there and my friends will still visit me. My mam isn't far from there either.

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sallystrawberry · 09/02/2007 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ulysees · 09/02/2007 19:43

no chance, unless his mother gets on his back

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tribpot · 09/02/2007 19:46

Seems like a straightforward choice for your dh. Changing schools is obviously not ideal for your dses when they have other upheavals to deal with, but you'll have more family support, and a chance for a decent home, all of which stack up in favour of moving.

I don't know your story but am quite appalled that your dh is refusing to move out! Perhaps this will make him see what is in his children's best interests?

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ThisValenTime · 09/02/2007 19:46

Sorry I don't know your situation but reading between the lines I think you just have to apply for the house and get letters from everyone except DH and explain that he won't write the letter due to the situation.

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ThisValenTime · 09/02/2007 19:46

Sorry I don't know your situation but reading between the lines I think you just have to apply for the house and get letters from everyone except DH and explain that he won't write the letter due to the situation.

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brandy7 · 09/02/2007 19:52

hi ulysees, glad youve been out and tried to get something set up for you and the kids. shame about your dh attitude. are you not allowed to stay in the house till the kids are 16? im sure thats the case isnt it, then you have to sell up and give him half or something.

my friend split with her hubby, he moved out ,she stayed with their boy and now shes trying to buy him out 9years on or shes gona sell up and give him half the profit

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Ulysees · 10/02/2007 09:03

thanks for the replies. There's no way he'll move out, says it's me who wants this (split) I've wanted it for over a year but couldn't leave because of his problems to do with tax. He's been going to court and got convicted of non payment of tax 22K and has to pay 56K in total with court costs. That's one reason I wasn't going to push it regarding the house. His mother is paying 22K for him and lending him the rest that he can't find. She doesn't know about us yet but it's up to me to tell her as dh won't. I even had to tell her about the court case. It was in the paper and on the radio and he said he wouldn't tell her.
For anyone who doesn't know why I'm going it's because he hardly ever touched me. Not a kiss or anything. This has gone on for years and I just gave up trying. I met someone in December but he's working in Iraq. I'm seeing him in May for 2 weeks .....dh doesn't know about that yet Be fun and games when he does!! Oh and by the way this guy is the total opposite of dh

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MamazonAKAfatty · 10/02/2007 09:17

Finding a housing associaton property will be difficult unless you can be classified as homeless.

a letter form your H saying that the marriage has broke down and you are required ot leave the property within a month would then classify you as homeless....although the council may try and make you fight for the house.

You need to make it clear to him that you need to move out, if the only property is too far from the current school theyw ill have to change.
he may well be worried that they are already settled and could be disruptive but so would waking up an hour earlier to get to school each morning.

As for telling his mother, why should you do it? if he chooses not to tell her then she continues in blissfull ignorance its his job not yours

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Ulysees · 10/02/2007 10:48

I know mamazon, you're right about his mother but she's so good to us. I get on better with her than my own mum plus she's 83. I'd hate for her to hear it from someone else which she will, probably the kids.
As for the house, I'll try my best to get a decent one. My neices got there's fairly easily, it all depends on your circumstances. I can but try though Got no choice.
Dh is very stubborn so I don't even waste my energy on him, would be a waste of time.

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Ulysees · 11/02/2007 12:21

Well I was out last night at a working men's club and as I walked back to my friend's house, where I was sleeping, we walked beside the local pub. There's a house to let up there and it'll be ideal for us. I've rang and left my number at the estate agents and looked on their website. It may be newly listed as it isn't even on their site yet.
The weird thing is it's up Rose street and my boyfriend's nickname for me is Rose Maybe it's a sign
I told dh about the house and he looked shocked, he still thinks I'll change my mind and stay but he's very wrong. I'm so excited now, it's given me something to look forward to. Even if I don't get this house I know there'll be something and I just can't wait to leave here.

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Caligula · 11/02/2007 12:31

Ulysses, just nod and agree to his unreasonable conditions. Just say "OK, I won't change their school then, I'll get a car and drive them every day."

Then when you move, do the rational thing and change the schools. There's no point trying to reason with the unreasonable, just do what you've got to do to get him to sign the piece of paper you need for your house. If he says you have to paint the front door green, and dress your dc's in purple every day, agree to that as well. Then do what you were going to do anyway.

He will afterwards accuse you of breaking your word about every agreement you ever made, but that's what happens when someone tries to stipulate unreasonable conditions.

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Ulysees · 11/02/2007 16:35

Caligua you think the same way as me
Trouble is DS1 overheard us talking and is devastated at the thought of changing schools. Looks like I've found a place close to the school, I'm going to the estate agents tomorrow as soon they open as I have a good feeling about this house. I have a few good friends round here and it's on the bus route so family and other mates can visit, plus there's plenty of parking for my mates with cars. Send me good vibes/prayers please

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PeachyClair · 11/02/2007 16:50

XP's can be prats cant they?

My fireind- 5 kids, 2 disabled- is going to be homeless as her XH has successfully hidden the fact that he ows 3 houses (in names of partner who doesnt-exist- honest) and as such she is losing their house shortly. And - she gets extra points because her DS3 is ASD, when her XH found that out he wrote to the NHS telling them they got it wrong as'no son of mine is disabled' er yes he is, as is your dd though you dont care about girls.

My advice would be to press ahead- do it Caligula's way which is frankly genius. And do remember Shelter have a telephone line which can give excellent advice on these matters

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Ulysees · 11/02/2007 18:34

oh peachyclair,my thoughts go to your friend What a shit he is

Dh is a nice guy but he is desperate for me to stay. He can't get his head round the fact that it's over between us. I've been with him to his parents today and it was a really good day. We get on really well. He's just hoping he'll scare me into staying. I've told him I'm going for this house and he's accepted that or so it seems. He may be relieved as it isn't far away.

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PeachyClair · 11/02/2007 18:51

I guess it must be hard for him, I think my ex was a little like that- never thought I'd actually go (and when I did thought it was a phase)- until I got pg with my now dh. cant have been easy at all, and that was with no kids / marriage cert (a few months before date) involved.

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PeachyClair · 11/02/2007 18:52

(And Ulyssess- Dh is going to try something with your DS- he says its about a 1 / 200 chance but it won't hurt it- fingers crossed though- just thought I'd explain as if it doesnt turn up in next few days dont want you thinking Ive swiped it LOL)

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Ulysees · 11/02/2007 19:13

cheers peachyclair DS1 says he thinks our neice spilt something on it.

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ULOVEYSEES · 12/02/2007 08:12

Think of me today as I go house hunting

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brandy7 · 12/02/2007 19:20

hope your househunting went well

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ULOVEYSEES · 12/02/2007 20:11

the rent was too high and they don't take dss. Filled in my form for council so you never know? Asked the doc for a letter of support as I have depression and panic disorder - not helped by years of stress. She knows all about my troubles as I haven't kept anything back, she's a great dr

I'm going hunting round the estate for To Let signs and asking everyone to keep a look out and jot down phone no.s. I'm a woman on a mission

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Yurtgirl · 12/02/2007 20:16

I experienced this myself last year - a very stressful three months, but we are now in a lovely privately let house with housing benefit paying most of the rent

I havent read the rest of the thread but it seems to me if your dh wants your kids to stay in the same school that much he should move out!!!!!!

Hope you manage to sort things out soon

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nutcracker · 12/02/2007 20:42

The best place to loko for houses where they accept HB is in local papers where alot of private landlords advertise.

Fish4homes sometimes have landlords ad's that accept HB too.

Good luck.

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Aloha · 12/02/2007 20:48

If you are married, then it isn't his house, it's half yours, at the very least. Is there equity in it?

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ThisValenTime · 12/02/2007 21:01

Ulysees - love the valentines name!

DO you have to declare you are DSS. I'm a private let (in Leeds) but my HB gets paid to me not the landlord. Not sure how other authorities pay HB.

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brandy7 · 12/02/2007 21:02

my HB gets paid to me as well

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