Bugger!

[wirral]

Sorry there's no answer to this one I just wanted to share it with you!

ExH picks our daughter up from school irregular nights every week. I got confused last night and arranged for my parents to pick her up but my mistake and it was his night. Daughter ran to Grandma and then back to teacher saying that she had a problem as two people had come to pick her up. ExH tried to insist that it was 'his' night but daughter chose to go with Grandma! Cue numerous irate texts, phone calls and emails to me in work.

I feel so guilty putting everyone in a really awkward situation. ExH told me that daughter only went with my Mum as she is scared of me being angry. This makes me feel lousy too.

We have rearranged another time that he can pick up daughter so he isn't disadvantaged.

I am feel so guilty putting daughter through this nightmare situation. It's so difficult to juggle everything. I worry that she says one thing to me and another to exh. I take things with a pinch of salt but he appears to believe everything she says. He's due to have her for half term but she's already saying that she will pretend to be ill as she doesn't want to go. Now I understand that she may not mean this but am worried in case she does as I need to go to work!

Sorry this is all disjointed

[brandy7]

oh dear poor you, this is what im dreading when my ex starts having my ds whos only 2 and he may not want to go with him

could you write up a contact agreement between you so that there is no need for muddles with his picking up nights

[wirral]

Thanks. We do have an agreement. He works a 6 week shift rota. Week 1 he has daughter Mon and Tues night, Week 2 Mon night but picks up from school on Tues and returns 6.30pm. Week 3 Mon and Tues night. Week 4 Fri and Sat night, Week 5 Fri night and Week 6 Monday night returns her home Wednesday night at 6.30pm! It's all just so confusing. I just wish that I'd dug my heels in a bit more to get some sort of routine although hopefully we will all just get used to it. I do find it so hard when she's not with me

[mistressmiggins]

as much as it might stick in your throat, are you able to have a conversation with your ex with DD hearing where you agree to back each other up & tell DD you will ask each other to confirm things she says?

that way she willk know she cant play you off.

it is hard but I have done this with my ex as even though my eldest is only 4 1/2, children still say things & I dont want ex getting annoyed over things which may not be true & vice versa

[wirral]

Good idea MM regarding a chat with ex but I can't see that happening. I worry that she may not confide in me if I 'threaten' to tell ex. I hate the fact that we are all now playing ' psychological ' games even my 7 year old daughter!

[mistressmiggins]

yep these games are awful when our children should just be enjoying childhood or be able to feel safe at ONE home
thats how I feel

it does work for me but lets see how it works when my children are older or do something serious!!!

dont worry about the mistake in the playground - did you ask your mum? surely she could gage whether your dd did want to go with her or not....besides you've apologised & swapped days so cant do much more

[wirral]

Thanks MM. It's so nice to hear something positive.

I would imagine that daughter may well have told her Dad that she would go with Grandma as she is scared of what I'd say. However I imagine that the reality of the situation was that she wanted to go with Grandma (She's really good fun and spoils daughter rotten!). But I do worry that daughter says one thing to her Dad and one to me. If i were convinced that she didn't want to spend half term with her Dad I could possibly have a word with him and offer to split the week. Although he probably wouldn't agree and would think I was lying.
He is convinced that our daughter is desperate to see more of him but I don't get the feeling that she is.

[mistressmiggins]

sounds difficult for you - hard to know whats best for the child isnt it

personally I think my 2 are ok because they have each other - they are very close & my DS tends to look out for his little sister (2 1/2)
they only go away once a month for the weekend cos my ex lives long way away

can you ask your dd why she doesnt want to go & try to make daddy's sound positive? I have read this subject to death cos I worry so much about my kids & I think sometimes kids worry about upsetting us if they WANT to go to the other person.....

you're doing a great job whatever!!