How much do your children see their Dad, if at all?

[wombat2]

Sorry if this has been done before, but I couldn't find a recent thread on it. Just wondering what the average amount of contact, if any, people's kids have with their Dads?
eg
none
after school/evenings during the week
weekends only
every other weekend
during school holidays eg for a week

The above are all options I have heard of but I am wondering what is average? (My dp seems to think my ex does next to nothing, but maybe it is normal!)
TIA

[3xamum]

My ex sees our 2 at weekends. Has them most Saturday nights and they come home Sunday eve. This has cut down alot to be honest from when we first split (his choice - not mine) but the kids seem happy with it.

My dp would probably say the same tbh!

[ginnedupmummy]

Message withdrawn

[lou33]

my ex hasnt seen the kids since the middle of august, when he went off to thailand

he doesnt even call that much either, every few weeks, nothing over xmas

[3xamum]

God what an arse!

ginnedupmummy I don't blame you for being bitter!

I'm bitter towards my ex for the stuff he did to me but jesus your ex's girlfriend sounds like she has got him right by the short & curlies!

[nikkie]

My xh visits at my house 2 days after school (sometimes less) and one day at the w/e they go to his Mam and Dads house (he lives there).They sleep there about once a month.

[Surfermum]

For my dsd it's:

Fri 4.30 ish till 6pm Sunday every 3rd weekend.
Half of every school holiday (only 2 wks in summer)
Boxing Day for a week
Phone call every Wednesday

She sometimes comes for longer in the holidays and for extra weekends too.

[Bumblelion]

My children go to their father's every Friday night (from 6pm) until roughly 4.30 pm on Saturday (due to youngest swimming lesson commitment - which I always seem to do).

Used to come to my house on a Wednesday night and do the normal nightly routine - tea, bath, reading, bed, etc. (while I popped out) but this stopped about 1 year ago due to him not getting here until it was nearly youngest's bedtime and he has 1 hour journey to my house and 1 hour journey home.

Has them for 1 week in Easter Holidays and always 2 weeks in the summer holidays. This year, for the first time in 4 years, he is actually taking them abroad (normally my role) and because I don't think they will appreciate having 2 weeks holiday with their dad and then 2 weeks straight away with me (he is taking them 4 to 18 August - makes it difficult for me to get in 2 weeks before he has them or 2 weeks after he has got back and I don't think they will appreciate having 4 weeks holiday on the trot --- and I won't have time to get their summer clothing washed and ironed).

That means, for the first time in 4 years, I get to go on holiday child-free - I normally only get one long weekend in Majorca - but I will take them on holiday in October half-term so they will still have a holiday with me.

Ex is now quite flexible in that if I have plans on a Saturday night (like this weekend coming), he is quite happy to swop nights - and likewise with me.

[wheresthevalium]

My exDH has DDs on a Sunday from 10-4.30. He also has DD2 on Wednesdays from school opening, and collects DD1 from school, bringing them home around 4.30.

I do think that more contact would be good for all of them, but not a lot either of us can do as exDH works 7 nights a week from 5pm onwards.

He's looking for another job as he misses his girls too much

[wheresthevalium]

Also, we are both very flexible about times if we can be. It broke my heart, but I agreed for him to have them for Xmas this year, I guess that will happen every other year from now on

[ClosetSlob]

my dd doesn't see her father but then he's a complete tosser and he'll see her over my dead body.

which he has told me will be the case before now. Still, no birthday or Christmas cards or contact from him for last year.. too busy beating his new girlfriend I expect.

[happyatlast]

My son is two and he goes to his dads on Sat morning until Sunday night and my daughter is 7 and she goes to her dads from Sat morning until Sunday night too. I have told both of the dads that if they ever want them anytime in the week to let me know, that it would not be a problem, but as of yet they have not bothered.

[wombat2]

Thanks for the replies, my ex h has at least dd1 every other weekend Sat-Sun, but is less keen on having dd2 overnight (she has major SN so is quite hard work). He lives with his Mum, and if dd2 is there, his Mum seems to end up doing a lot of the work, while he plays with dd1, which doesn't seem very fair.

Bump for any other replies...

[nutcracker]

My xp doesn't actually have them at all.

He occasionally comes to my house and sees them, usually averaging once/twice a fortnight, but he doesn't take them out.

I would love xp to have them, even once a month but have resigned myself to the fact that it will never happen.

[Loobie]

My ex sees our 3 kids for a weekend once every 8 weeks he also speaks to them every sunday via webcam. When he does visit he never takes the kids out on his own due to ds1 having severe autism and him not giving a toss enough to get to know dd enough to manage her on his own.

[PersonalClown]

NEVER!!! Ds could walk past him in the street and not have a clue who he is. Haven't seen him in almost 4 years now and I'm quite happy about it too.

[MistressMiggins]

I just dont understand though do you?
why dont they want to see / have them?

my ex doesnt live locally but even though Ive offered to share ALL school holidays, he just says "stick them in childcare - the weather will be crap"
he didnt have them once last year but managed TWO foreign holidays with his GF

even half term in Feb when I have FORCED him to have them as I am going away for the last weekend with some girlfriends, he is finally taking the week off work BUT hes making sure he has the weekend b4 free for him & his GF, rather than thinking "great I can have them for the whole week

I give up - especially as I love being with them so am not going to force him to have them if he cant be arsed

thats it isnt it - some men just cant be arsed

[Aimsmum]

Message withdrawn

[nutcracker]

Your right MM, some men just can't be arsed and it's a simple as that.

Xp says he wants to have the kids but as he is still in a bedsit he can't. Reckons he will get a job and a bigger place, but it won't ever happen, I know him too well.

He keeps telling Ds (4) that when he has some money he will take him to the wacky, so now everytime I open my purse for anything ds says to me "but you have money mummy so we can go now can't we". He just doesn't get it, and so I have told xp to not make any promises to the kids at all, don't even mention the possiblity of ever taking them out because it's just not fair.

[Surfermum]

I don't get it either MM. There are men who can't be bothered to find time or make arrangments to see their children, while men like my dh who would happily see dsd as much as he could has had to squeeze the amount of contact that he has out of his x by having to get a Court Order.

There are men who never phone their children, yet dh had to get a court order to be able to phone - and when he does at the allocated time phone is "unavailable", oh and the next night no he can't speak to his daughter because it isn't "his" night.

There are people whose x's go abroad and don't take the children - and we're asking to take dsd abroad and her mum won't let her fly anywhere.

What on earth is wrong with these men .

[brandy7]

son no.1s father doesnt give a hoot and we hear nothing, no cards, phonecalls, absolutely zilch

ds aged 2 father visits tuesdays for hour and half and every other sat for an hour at my home till courts decide if he can take him unsupervised

[mistressmiggins]

my ex makes noises complaining & banging on about his rights BUT when I actually offer /agree with him - he backs off!!

e.g this weekend coming is his weekend to have them at his house (live over 3 hrs away) He asked last night if he could pick them up after DS1 finished school - of course I said - "well depends on how my work goes this week - will let you know nearer the time...."
so already he backed off

its almost as if he offers hoping I'll refuse so he can make me out to be awkward.

when DS started school, I emailed a spreadsheet to exH with list of school holidays & offered him 1 week out of 2 of Easter, 1 half term out of 3 and WHATEVER he wanted during summer holidays

he replied NO to Easter, NO to Feb (tough) & still hasnt said about summer

like I said, think it suits him to be part time dad - which saddens me cos he has 2 lovely children

feel sad when I read threads in the Step parenting about awkward BMs

Im not a saint but considering my exH is living with the tart he was having an affair with, I dont think I do too badly in the being fair & he STILL doesnt want his kids

my new BF does however so if things happen for a reason, perhaps we have lost daddy to gain a man who cares about the THREE of us daily

[essbee]

Message withdrawn

[Surfermum]

New BF MM? . Hope he's wining, dining and ....... well generally spoiling you . You deserve it.

[Emskilou]

My ex h never sees our dcs (dd 2, ds 11 months) He hasnt seen dd since she was 8 months and hasnt yet met ds, when I told him ds was born he said 'oh well whatever'. Hasnt sent them anything for christmas and nothing for dds birthdays either. Cant say I am overly bothered either really, I'd rather they didnt have someone like that in their lives tbh. BTW my ex h has 4 children that I am aware of in all and he treats them all the same, like they dont exist. Pathetic little man.