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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Need advice/ opinions please. I think XP's new partner is

141 replies

Aimsmum · 21/11/2006 21:15

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Aimsmum · 21/11/2006 21:16

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Saturn74 · 21/11/2006 21:18

Wow, what a horrible situation for your poor daughter - and for you.

How old is 'G', as her behaviour is appalling and certainly not the way a responsible adult should behave?

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tiredemma · 21/11/2006 21:18

what were the coven of witches at the christening saying to your DD?

Id be bloody furious if an adult woman was treating my child like this.

Tell her to bloody grow up.

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ninah · 21/11/2006 21:22

what a nightmare! could you meet xp one to one in said neutral setting and impress on him this needs to be sorted? I'm sure he knows you're reasonable - and he can't keep his head in the sand forever. whereas she is not going to admit stuff, as you say - What a madwoman! almost like she is trying to compete with a child - do they plan any children of their own as far as you know? really sorry for you and your dd going through this

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bananaloaf · 21/11/2006 21:22

not a nice situation at all. think you are right to meet up but take someone with you other that dd for support to remeber what has been said and to be less emotionally involved. i am a stepmother and have ss live with me and he has said that i was like the gf towards him to anyone that listened in the hope that dh and i would split up, could that be an element as you said she worships her father.

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expatinscotland · 21/11/2006 21:22

I think your idea sounds good.

You're being mature, trying to sort this out in an adult fashion.

I really feel for you, Aim, and your DD.

Your XP doesn't seem to be taking this seriously, either, and this shows you are.

Why not email this to him, so you have proof that you made this offer to be concilliatory.

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Aimsmum · 21/11/2006 21:24

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ninah · 21/11/2006 21:26

email is a good idea

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expatinscotland · 21/11/2006 21:29

Email or text and save a copy.

Sorry, I know she worships her dad, but his allowing his partner to treat his daughter this way can be VERY destructive long-term to her.

I have two good friends who do not speak to their fathers - whom they loved - b/c those men allowed their partners to mistreat their kids.

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Saturn74 · 21/11/2006 21:29

You're certainly not over-reacting - you sound like you're being very reasonable and mature about the situation.

I agree that you and your XP need to discuss this as soon as possible, as he needs to take the situation seriously.

I'd leave the girlfriend out of the discussion, and impress upon your XP that the welfare and happiness of your daughter should come before the demands and childishness of his girlfriend.

Well done for dealing with this so calmly, Aimsmum. Your DD clearly has a very good role model in you! [smile}

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Saturn74 · 21/11/2006 21:30

or even !

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Aimsmum · 21/11/2006 21:32

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expatinscotland · 21/11/2006 21:34

Please keep these emails, Aims.

Make a file to chuck them in and back it up on flash drive or CD.

Sorry to sound paranoid, but I worked in legal a long time. And IF this should become a greater issue, you need as much back up as possible.

You're handling this VERY well!

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hester · 21/11/2006 21:36

Oh Aimsmum, how horrible for you and dd. I actually went cold all over reading your post - you are right to take this very seriously. It certainly seems a good idea to start with a civilised chat and see if things can be resolved amicably. If they can't, I'd consider getting some legal advice. Your poor dd can't keep being put through this. Do you think your ex would be amenable to a good solution, but doesn't know what to do?

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ninah · 21/11/2006 21:37

You are handling this so sensibly and well - total respect to you. Good luck with the meeting.

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Aimsmum · 21/11/2006 21:46

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zookeeper · 22/11/2006 10:06

good for you to try to sort it out - I'd only do it though if you are sure you can resist the temptation to strangle her! It sounds difficult for you all.

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Aimsmum · 22/11/2006 10:12

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NotQuiteCockney · 22/11/2006 10:16

Can you have the meeting with your DD and your XP? Get your DD to explain to XP what has been happening, get him to understand?

And get him to agree not to leave your DD along with the G again?

I am really sad that this is happening to your DD. What a dreadful situation.

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zookeeper · 22/11/2006 10:20

maybe it's better if dd isn't there as she may get dragged into it or pick up on bad vibes if it gets out of hand.?

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Aimsmum · 22/11/2006 10:21

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NappiesGalore · 22/11/2006 10:26

oh, no do please go along. the only way you will know anything at all is if you talk to them. she clearly has something to say if she doesnt want dd to hear it...

besides, when theyve said their piece, you can shout at her without upsetting dd, if you want to

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Bozza · 22/11/2006 10:28

aimsmum I am really impressed with how you are handling this difficult situation. Could you explain that DD will be there to start with but then you will arrange for her to go off with your friend so you can have a frank adult discussion? And hope then that the gf will turn up.

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Surfermum · 22/11/2006 10:32

I agree with Nappies, there may be stuff she doesn't want to say in front of her. I think a discussion between the 3 of you would be a good starting point. If you never have that discussion then this will just fester. At least hear what she's got to say about it.

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Tinkerbel5 · 22/11/2006 10:33

Aimismum your ex's g/f is jealous of a 6 year old, and the fact that she dont want your daughter at the meet up speaks volumes, she cant get away with lying whilst your daughter is there.

I think your daughter needs 1 on 1 with your ex without the g/f there, Im not saying withold contact, but I would reconsider the present arrangement with regards to your daughter staying over and being cared for by this girl.

Maybe a suggestion would be too limit the time spent over at the ex's house at any one time, but increase the days, maybe twice a week for a couple of hours, rather than once a week overnight (if that is the arrangement). I personally would push that when your ex has your daughter that he takes her out for a treat and spends quality time together, just the both of them without the g/f being there, its not the g'f job to look after your daughter and I doubt very much that you would want her too either.

You are a lot calmer than what I would be if that was my daughter, what this girl is doing is classed as child abuse, and it was me I would have been straight round that house having a word in her ear out of earshot of her mates and your ex I understand why you are trying to be calm at the moment and wish you luck for the meet up if it comes off xx

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