AIBU RE Access

[anditgoeson]

My xDH and I split recently due to his unreasonable behaviour. Namely emotional outburts, short temper, and aggressive behaviour over a prolonged period. We have two LOs under three.
I said no to overnight stays straight away as he has no permanent home and the only place he can stay has two dogs living there that are wild and untrained. My DD is scared of dogs and my DS is allergic. So that was an easy decision to make.
I've told my xDP that he can see the LOs at my house and that we can take them out together but that is all I'm comfortable with. He has never taken them anywhere on his own and he hasn't spent a full day with them in almost a year. The last time I left them with him he put them to bed and went to sleep on the couch.
He is generally ok with my decision and understands why I feel the way I do. His family however feel differently. Mainly his DM.
She herself has only ever seen my LOs at our house as this arrangement suited her as she was driven to and from by my xDH and I cooked a meal for her everytime.
The arrangement works fine until she nags him to see them. I have told him that she can still visit as before.
It does seem ridiculous that I won't allow my LOs DF to take them out and to be honest I could do with the break but I would not feel comfortable with him taking them anywhere. The most recent trip we went on was a living hell. He was angry, picking fights with me, was short tempered with our LOs and threatened to kill himself three times. It was a white knuckle ride. I've offered to accompany him on a trip to his DMs and I'm dreading it. Every excursion with him is horrendous but I'm trying to be a fair as I can under the circumstances. Would love to hear opinions or advice.

[nomoretether]

What would it take for you to feel comfortable with him taking them out without you as obviously you going with him isn't a long term solution. That's probably the best thing to think about and figure out how you can both work towards that.