Dad threatening to go for custody?

[GEM33]

We weren't married. He left 6 months ago, in that time has seen less and less of dd age two. I've requested weekly for him to see her but he has refused. His family have refused. He wanted eow. He can't even manage that and so far only has her a few hours one day e.o.w.
Hasn't had her overnight since he left. She is suffering separation anxiety and is still b.f. He is now saying he wants her overnight. I've said yeah great, when she's weaned and in her own bed and he's had her a bit more often but not right now. He forgets to change her nappy. She comes back with a heavier nappy than a night nappy and she hasn't been fed as she is always starving.
Also said I should be grateful he isn't going for custody! Would he actually get custody? What the hell is he on about? Is it me or does this man need to prove he can deliver on e.o.w never mind full custody.?
What's the time scale and procedure with issues over child contact? He has a solicitor already sorting out financial issues. We haven't touched on contact yet but I feel it coming.
I know he d be granted overnights if it went to court but I feel strongly our dd would be very upset by overnights right now. He used to have her overnight when we lived together and he would regularly text me at work in the early hours saying she was up screaming for me. She still gets like this and is definitely feeling the effects of him leaving.

[Dervel]

It's not really custody these days, it's resident and non-resident parent. The courts will attempt to preserve what dd is used to, so if she hasn't seen him all that much they are unlikely to give him residency.

There is also a reluctance for family courts to wade in if at all possible, which is where mediation comes in. You can basically sit down with a neutral party trained in psychology and legal matters that can sit down with you and the ex and hash out what is best for dd.

You can rest easy re: him getting custody, get in touch with your citizen's advice bureau they should have the details of local mediators. Best of luck.

[campingfilth]

I wouldn't even worry about the bollocks he is talking. Keep notes of every time you have offered contact and every time he has refused. Do it all by email so there is a trail.

Document everything and take photos with time and date stamp of nappies. TBH he doesn't sound like he'll be in her life for long going form experience and reading these boards. Loads of ex come out with the same old crap. Do not stress and worry about it.

[Pinkballoon]

Can you weigh the nappies as well as photographing them? Heavier than a night nappy is HEAVY. Any nappy rashes?

[STIDW]

Actually it isn't even residence any more. We have Child Arrangement Orders or Agreements which determine where a child lives and when they have contact. A child may live with both parents if they spend substantial amount of time with each parent.

There is no one arrangement which suits all families but at your daughter's age if she is to maintain and develop the attachment she has with the father contact probably needs to be for short frequent periods rather than every other weekend.

[GEM33]

Thanks everyone. Yes I should start to photograph everything. I am keeping a diary and I am keeping all the texts between us on my phone. I keep asking ex to see our dd more often but he refuses. I even text him asking him to ring her (she communicates exceptionally well for two and I can hold a conversation with her ) he never even rings her or answers when I ring him.
She talks about him every day and I really do wish for her that he'd see her more often despite the fact I hate his guts and despite the fact he never sees her on his own he always has the woman he left me for with him. Despite all that if my baby wants her daddy that's what I want for her too.
He is so unreasonable. I truly despise him. He s put me through hell this year.
His own sister said to me when I asked "why can't he see our dd every day or every other day as he only lives round the corner"
Her answer "he needs his life back and it's just not practical for him to see her more than every other weekend"
That sums him and his family up completely.

[cestlavielife]

I think you need to stop running after him.
It s ok to talk about him every day but if he isn't interested enough to on visit regularly then don't set it up so dd gets failed. By him.

If dd talks about him say something bland yes that s nice and move on to next activity.

There is no custody only arrangements ... If he can't manage dd for few hours he hardly going to ask for her to live with him part time or otherwise.

However, if he does step up and wants her overnight she will likely be fine. He will just have to deal with and learn to calm her. He can only learn by doing. She doesn't need bf to survive so she would adapt if she was more time with him. But don't chase him.
Set times when you will call him or put her on Skype with him but don't react if he doesn't respond just record in a diary...
Offer regular contact by email and record when he refuses declines . That record wil speak for itself if he takes you to court.

[GEM33]

I don't say anything to my dd. I don't even tell her on the day he is having her because he has failed to show before so I never ever talk about him. If she brings him up I do exactly as you suggest. That's nice or yes daddy loves u very much.. anyway blah blah blah change subject distract.
I've tried setting times with him but he refuses to engage in proper conversations with me. I've offered mediation he's refused. (Even before solicitors got involved ). I've offered a discussion about a book or online contact/info thing we can note dd schedule/ info updates sharing info etc. he ignores me. He just ignores ignores ignores.
Re bf yeah I know she doesn't need it I don't want to talk about bf. it's a minefield at her age in discussions. I just don't want to talk about it. She still wants it. I don't. She can go without it. Lol! The fb situation is for another thread. :-)
He has said he wouldn't mind her living with him but on the other hand he's left me and said"child care is your problem you deal with it" and then flat out refused to have her.
Maybe he is just trying to scare me. He doesn't do much with his son he also left his mum when he was two.