Am I being unreasonable re access?

(5 Posts)
elliefant Tue 17-Jun-14 20:44:05

I have an 11 month old with special needs going through the diagnosis process now. My ex was not part of the pregnancy (his choice) nor present at labour (both our choice) and not really involved in babys 1st few months even though we were meant to be a couple then. He now visits once a week as he says its his duty to. He chose to visit on a sunday even though he's aware this is the day my family visit - I've tried to be accomodating in times but he has to fit it around baby feed/nap times. We only communicate via email as I find him impossible to talk to as he doesn't listen, always interrupts and thinks he's always right.
Anyway a few of my gripes are: I try and leave him to get on with the visit without interferring but he's left her in dirty nappy (I changed it)
I heard her making her usual sound when she's thirsty but he ignored her and didn't even check that she needed something if he was unsure.
He sits her in front of a laptop playing kids dvds even tho I keep telling him not too as her eyes are not too good and she poss has brain disorder a close up screen can't be good.
He fed her a whole milky bar and laughed when I said I'd rather her have healthy snacks.
He's now complained that I pick up my baby and comfort her when she's sittng there 'calling' me or when I enter room (to do her nappy or other needs) and she wants my attention.
He's also moaned that my family have arrived while he's there and they make a fuss over baby not picking her up just waving and talking to her.
Even though I've kept him updated via email of babys medical appointments etc he tries talk about it but doesn't listen and basically blames me or my parenting skills!!
I've never been rude or abusive I just email facts and try to avoid talking when he's here apart from being civil. I feel I'm trying to put her needs across but he's says I'm nit picking and being a bitch!!
Gosh so sorry its soooo long!!

cestlavielife Tue 17-Jun-14 22:23:51

Screen won't be an issue
Don't worry about that

Find a way you can drop her at his place for an hour then leave him to it.
Re arrange time to suit you and baby.

elliefant Tue 17-Jun-14 22:47:43

He lives too far away for him to collect her and bring her back or for me to travel (I don't drive) He cannot be trusted to look after her unsupervised - she would be left wet/dirty as he says he don't do nappies. She would be left hungry/thirsty etc as he cannot interpret what she wants. I need to be on hand to see to her needs. I've tried to involve him but he is just so rude and unco-operative I feel like banging my head against a wall!!!

starlight1234 Tue 17-Jun-14 22:58:42

I think this is a huge issue...

This can never progress if he "wont " do nappies..Depending on her problems , she could possibly be very delayed in toilet training.

What is happening when she needs a drink is he helping her, feeding her?

Just a question ..have you suggested things she can do enjoys..As he may not have a clue as he sounds a bit clueless..

contact should be mutually convenient ...If this is your family time tell him Sunday afternoons are not ok...

Sounds like the last thing you need when family are round and could be supporting you

elliefant Tue 17-Jun-14 23:17:50

I too thout it was a case of him being clueless - so when I heard her making a noise that she was thirsty ( this was shortly after she had eaten) I said to him she needs a drink - he said no she don't she's playing! I tried explaining that when she makes that particular noise it means she needs food/water and as she's just eaten its water - I then started to give her drink and told him how to do it (she guzzles n chokes and cannot do it herself) he said I know what I'm doing and she choked on it cos he didn't do it the way she is used to!! This is just an example of how things go - so I try not to interfere but I have to! We do not argue in front of her I tend to try and explain what needs doing then just do it and then go off and keep ear out for her. He will wait till he's home then send an angry email!

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