Ex is taking me to court to moan about me-Advice needed

(23 Posts)
ROZ12 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:44:25

Hi all

I posted this post not ago:http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents/2034480-HELP-My-ex-is-threatening-to-block-my-DDs-school-choice

Well it's happening although ex is not blocking school choice he is taking me to court to complain I did a 'change in school' without his permission. I understood going from primary to high school is ' moving on.' Also I consulted and informed my ex and was advised that would suffice yes he didn't approve of choice but I couldn't just go along what he wants all the time. Ex is not contributing to fees can I mention this at the hearing? My DD wants to express her concerns too especially as the order wants Thursday overnights which we do not want. How do I tell court I want to bring her along? She is 11 years old.

Please advise?

Will I get in trouble about the school choice? I informed my ex never hid anything.

Thanks all.

Roz

LadySybilLikesCake Mon 16-Jun-14 14:47:19

Taking you to court just to moan about you really isn't going to go down very well, it's a complete waste of their time as it's already sorted. Just show that he's had ample opportunity to have his say so he's being unreasonable to do this now because she's already there. There's not a lot they or he can do by the looks of it.

I'm sure someone with more knowledge will be along soon smile

nomoretether Mon 16-Jun-14 15:10:47

If he has PR, you have to agree on a school choice, whether that's moving schools or moving from primary to secondary. If you don't agree, the courts decide. You don't get to overrule him. Fees will be irrelevant.

If the courts want to hear your daughters side of things, they will ask for her to speak to CAFCASS. A court room is not a place for an 11 year old child. As for Thursday overnights, who wants that? The order is a piece of paper. Do you mean that's what CAFCASS recommended? Did they say why? Why do you disagree?

What exactly does he want to happen if he's not blocking the move? The courts won't be interested in him moaning so I assume he wants something to happen.

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 16-Jun-14 15:19:10

I have had legal advice about this as the fee payer I do not get to make unilateral decisions any change in school requires agreement from both of us.
You are likely to have a directions hearing first which will order a CAFCASS report, the CAFCASS officer will talk to your DD and the current school to gather information for the court.

ROZ12 Tue 17-Jun-14 10:13:20

Yes he wants Thursday overnights. The thing is it's from this forum forum I received advice that PR is to inform and consult not seek approval. I had a deadline to accept place and ex did not reply on I cannot wait for him my whole life and my DD wanted this school.

I believe Thursday overnights will be disruptive to her education she will be going t a highly academic school they want no nonsense children and it will be difficult with transporting books etc.

nomoretether Tue 17-Jun-14 11:26:55

Then I'm afraid the advice you received was incorrect, though if you informed him a decision was needed by x date and he didn't reply at all, he isn't going to come across well either.

Always seek proper legal advice about serious matters like this. Posters are well meaning but very few are legally qualified and there is often completely incorrect information posted here.

As your daughter is 11, significant weight will be given to her opinion if asked by CAFCASS but you really should be protecting her from litigation, not dragging the poor girl into it, bringing her to court and so on. She's a child, not an adult old enough to make huge decisions and effectively being asked to choose to side with mum or dad.

Lucked Tue 17-Jun-14 11:38:11

I am not sure you will get in trouble, a decision had to be made and you were in disagreement. It is probably not completely unfair this has gone to court but I fail to see what could possibly change the outcome? What does he want the court to do? I assume we are talking about choosing between two very good independent schools, I imagine your daughters opinion will unfortunately be important.

As for the Thursdays overnight, if he is willing to pick up and drop off I don't really see the problem and perhaps you should reconsider. Just have to be organised with the books. Quite often in secondary school homework is not for the next day although I think it is important that she would do an equal amount of homework on Thursday nights - why should dad be off the hook

ROZ12 Tue 17-Jun-14 11:46:41

I know but she wants to go as she has enough of the disruption and
is feeling it.

Also she is feeling the effects that her dad is not paying isnt bother turning up to the induction evening. All he is concerned with is contact is that good for child? She wants to express her feelings.

I find it hard to see that he will help her with her homework and obtain a high grades.

OP if you are honest, is it your daughter or you that is feeling the effects of you ant not your ex paying school fees? It seems a little strange thing for a child to concern themselves with.

The reason that I ask is that you tend to use the word we rather than your daughter.

I do think that you need to think about the Thursday night I agree with lucked. I don't think that a court would decline it just over the transportation of bools.

books not bools blush

cestlavielife Tue 17-Jun-14 12:22:11

one night a week independent study without help wont harm her in the long run. she can always text you/her friends for help on that night. it will be very hard for you to argue one night per week is detrimental to her.

nomoretether Tue 17-Jun-14 12:23:15

Her feelings need to be expressed by her to her dad, not in the court arena.

Paying fees and court cases are adult issues. She shouldn't be weighed down with the stress of that.

ROZ12 Tue 17-Jun-14 12:38:34

Father already has half holidays and every other weekend Friday to Monday. I am very fair!! Also he has mid week break.

Yes I have issues but as we are very close my DD knows I am paying and how hard its going to be. She si scared of dad to express her feelings.

Isn't going back and forth to dads and planning books etc stress too?

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 17-Jun-14 12:53:01

I don't think letting children know that you are making sacrifices to pay school fees is helpful it puts too much pressure on them.

balia Tue 17-Jun-14 17:29:07

Am I remembering this wrongly - doesn't he already have Thursday contact and one of his objections to the choice of school was that you were using it as a reason to cut the contact?

Loads of children have midweek sleepovers or 50/50 care, I don't think it is wildly stressful. Obviously taking her to court would be entirely wrong but if the judge orders a cafcass report an officer will talk to her and find out how she feels; it would be without either of you there, though. DC's do sometimes say what they think a parent wants to hear and I agree with Lonecat - particularly as he was willing to contribute to fees, wasn't he? Just not to the school that would limit his time with his DD.

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 17-Jun-14 17:39:22

I would strongly suggest not bring up that he is not contributing to fees that will not paint you in a good light. Is there anyway you can resolve this without going to court can you, your daughter and your ex all sit down together to discuss the benefits of each school?
Would mediation help?

Minime85 Tue 17-Jun-14 17:57:20

Whilst mid week contact may not be ideal isn't the most important thing about dcs seeing their parents in as much a 'normal' way as possible? And a midweek overnight is part of this, it just requires a bit more forward planning that's all.

ROZ12 Tue 17-Jun-14 18:11:46

Yes he said he would contribute to his school choice ONLY if I gave contact overnight on Thursdays. So why is he allowed to connect the two and i'm not? Can I mention he said this in court?

cant settle out of court as it's either I say yes to what he wants just liek usual. I actually went ahead with our choice of school. He should pay whatever the school and love of his child not connect it with contact-That's my opinion.

So what should I say about Thursday overnights?

3xcookedchips Tue 17-Jun-14 18:19:52

Father already has half holidays and every other weekend Friday to Monday. I am very fair!! Also he has mid week break.

This is the minimum your daughter should be seeing her father...it's not about YOU being fair, its about the best interests for your daughter.

It's quite possible you are projecting your own anxieties on your daughter and quite possibly she is trying to keep you happy.

Keep your daughter out of it...she may not thank you for it in the future if you continue to involve her in your squabbles with her father, petty or otherwise. I hope for your daughters sake he is doing the same!

Parents do not go to court for a moan, btw.

balia Tue 17-Jun-14 18:27:02

So - is the midweek break different to Thursday, then? confused

ROZ12 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:03:13

Mid week break changed into overnight he wants

Minime85 Wed 18-Jun-14 06:13:23

In all this your dc and what is best for her should be at the core not what is convenient for either parent. Obviously we don't know the whole story but I'm confused as to why your daughter even knows there is an issue as such as she seems to do. That should be something the adults deal with much much more.

And yes I think he should have her overnight mid week unless there is some burning reason she doesn't want to go then that needs to be discussed

starlight1234 Wed 18-Jun-14 19:12:48

I remember your last thread.

I agree with your last poster ..Your DD seems to know far too much about what is going on...At Most you should ask her if she wants to go without ..Asking her or explaining any of the complications you see of books...

This seems to be about money...I don't see the difference for her if she spends the evening with him or sleeps there she will still need to do her homework their otherwise he would then be accused of taking no responsibility for her education.

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