The best bits about being a single parent...

(37 Posts)
ICanHearYou Thu 12-Jun-14 19:21:56

I have just tidied my whole house, it still needs LOTS of work because I lived with a pig for years who destroyed my confidence and my oomphf but it is getting there.

I am feeling very blessed today, mostly because

- I never EVER have to speak to or acknowledge his mother again
- I am in complete control of what the kids and I eat, no more shortcuts so he can buy beer or whatever
- I don't have to answer to anyone about any of the things I am doing
- There is far, far less washing and after today all of it (including bedding) is done and I won't end up finding his dirty boxers on the floor tomorrow morning as just a classic example of him not giving a shit.

I really think that I am well cut out for this single parent status. I feel so empowered by it and I know times are going to get hard but I am proud to be doing it alone and glad that he is out of my life.

Please share the best bits for you of being single!

theuncivilservant79 Thu 12-Jun-14 19:48:50

Being able to food shop and meal
Plan seemed likea huge luxury when I first separated.

Order and routine.

No one breaks my stuff grin

No more skanky toilet

Having more spare money even though the household income halved

ICanHearYou Thu 12-Jun-14 20:55:56

Oh the toilets! The first thing I did was go at the toilets with a brush and some bleach, the man NEVER flushed the toilets even if they stank to high heaven and he would just leave them.

The food shopping has always been 'my' domain but its a lot cheaper now!

MyFirstMyLastMyEverythingBagel Thu 12-Jun-14 21:05:36

This is all very familiar ... it can feel hard and lonely sometimes but then I just reel off a lost like above and realise that actually it's okay smile

addictedtolatte Thu 12-Jun-14 21:07:37

Never having to endure my vile sister in law again :-) she emotionally abused me for years.

Being able to be myself and be proud instead of being told your worthless.

When your children gets fantastic reports at parents evening. You know it's you who has helped them achieve it. So satisfying

Am not that lucky with the toilet issues as I have my elderly father living with me so it looks like am stuck with a smelly toilet forever lol

No treading on egg shells

House is generally tidy and ordered - even with a 14 month old

The cats are happy he's gone. smile

No arguments, stress.

I can watch what I want on TV (which is usually CBeebies or nothing)

I can make all the decisions. Even the bad ones.

I have the control. (Even when I don't feel like it!).

I can get into my PJs as early as I like, like 7pm.

I'm finding it really hard at the moment with a very active toddler and balancing this with work. But I know inside, given the 'man' I married, it is much easier on my own.

ICanHearYou Thu 12-Jun-14 22:15:53

Oooo I've another good one, I am looking forward to being able to get actually excited about stuff! He scorned excitement about anything but rugby and cricket

mammadiggingdeep Fri 13-Jun-14 05:52:59

Yes- getting excited without somebody sucking the joy out of it!

ICanHearYou Fri 13-Jun-14 06:49:59

I am also going to enjoy not having to watch hours and hours and hours of cricket and rugby

sezamcgregor Fri 13-Jun-14 13:22:38

Seeing who ever I like whenever I like.

Being able to do whatever I like whenever I like.

So much sofa & book time!!

MyFirstMyLastMyEverythingBagel Fri 13-Jun-14 19:29:42

I read all these and nod nod nod ... can't believe I wasted so many years of my life!!!

Smilesandpiles Fri 13-Jun-14 20:15:53

I can decorate without waiting for him to do something that needs doing first because he won't pay someone to do it.

I can have a hangover without being nagged or moaned at for it, or worse, be told I'm a disgrace to the kids. Twat. The annoying thing is, I don't drink at all now!

My income may have gone down by a lot, a hell of a lot but I've never had so much money confused

If I want to fall asleep on the sofa, I can.

My options in my life have increased and all I have to do is pick one, without consulting anyone else.

I'm happy. Really happy. My confidence in myself is growing, my self esteem is growing and I've stopped taking crap from anyone. I'm not afraid to be on my own, I'm not afraid to ditch people who are no good to me or for me. I can see a task and have the confidence to say, "yeah I can do that", or "yeah, I'll pass that, no worries" and not feel as though I'm faking it or lying.

I'm actually thinking of taking a path that I never thought in a million years I'd ever be smart enough for...I still have a wobble, but I'm going for it anyway.

I'm actually proud of myself and I've never felt that. Ever. Not even as a child. It's good.

FlippyBard Fri 13-Jun-14 20:48:39

Hear hear, all of the above for me. gosh I love this thread wine cheers all!

ICanHearYou Fri 13-Jun-14 21:18:38

Yes a wine all round I think!

Meeeep Fri 13-Jun-14 23:10:05

This thread makes me a bit sad actually. When it's you in an abusive or shitty relationship it's easy to think it's not the norm. Reading this really makes you see how many have had to go through it. But cheers to all you ladies who got out wine

Paddlingduck Fri 13-Jun-14 23:11:05

I have more confidence. I'm very proud of how we have coped. When people find out I'm a LP they tend to comment on how hard it must be. It is tiring and can be lonely, but I'm used to it now and am finding it easier every week. I don't have to be perfect anymore, with a spotless house and straightened hair, waiting for a man who basically ignored me. And finally, finally, I've sorted out how to mow that flipping lawn!

(I've hired a willing student to do it for me) smile

MrsAlexVause Fri 13-Jun-14 23:16:52

Being able to do what we want. Sometimes we have party food for dinner and watch Disney films ALL day because we can! I've become much closer to my DD since being alone. I actually can't imagine changing our lovely life by letting a smelly boy move in now grin

ICanHearYou Sat 14-Jun-14 09:31:05

I thought it was the norm meep and I still struggle to accept that my ex is actually quite abusive.

addictedtolatte Sat 14-Jun-14 18:15:30

Meep I got out and it's the best thing I ever did. There are things I have achieved I thought I never would. I only realized I was emotionally abused by him and his sister a year after I got out. How weird is that losing yourself that much you don't know your being abused.

I have been single for 3 years now and can honestly say I am the happiest I've ever been :-)

Meeeep Sat 14-Jun-14 18:51:12

See I was kind of the opposite I knew how bad my relationship was but felt very alone and like nobody would understand if I told them. It took me a long time to get the strength to leave. Never looked back since that day smile

ICanHearYou Sat 14-Jun-14 20:38:08

addicted your story brings me strength, I hope I can look back and know I am happier in three years time

FamilyFirstAlways Sat 14-Jun-14 20:40:44

I stayed far too long. I thought it would affect the kids if I divorced DH but it has been the opposite - they have thrived in every way. I wish I had done it sooner (20 mins after their birth)

I love being a single mum. I don't find it hard, just busy and very tiring. Some of the best moments of my life have been when it's just us 3. We are a unit. They make me laugh every day. My heart feels like it may burst out of sheer love for them. I never thought I'd be as happy as I am now despite all the crap that's going on with the divorce, money, job issues. I know the decision I made to leave their dad was in all of our best interests. I'd better stop, getting a bit tearful!
X

theuncivilservant79 Sat 14-Jun-14 20:47:48

Not having anyone trash your self esteem grin

Being less tired because even though I'm more busy when I'm tea rely able to rest I can actually rest :-)

theuncivilservant79 Sat 14-Jun-14 20:53:12

Also...being able to have lengthy messy play dates at my house whenever I like. My friends always feeling comfortable at mine.

I had a friend with dv issues once and it felt good to be able to tell her she could come to my house if things were bad for her at any time and that my house was a safe place grin

ICanHearYou Sat 14-Jun-14 21:27:01

I think I am more tired but more active, he just makes me want to sit and do nothing, saps the life right out of me.

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