1 year on - still bitter

(8 Posts)
Jen547 Sat 08-Mar-14 20:22:20

Split up with DP over a year ago and still finding it so hard to cope with him moving on, my personal situation and my own feelings towards him.
Recently found out he has a new DP who has a child of her own. Horrid painful news as he has always said the reason he didnt stick around was because he wasnt up to being a dad and didnt want that life. Turns out it was just my DD he didnt want as hes clearly happy to play stepdaddy to someone elses.
Cant ever get used to being a single mum. Barely got the motivation to peel myself off the sofa after my 400th night in alone. Knowing that from 7pm its pretty much a countdown to bedtime to just get another day over and done with. Cant for the life of me work out logistically how im gonna date if and when the opportunity pops up! Cant take my DD on dates but exhaust all my babysitters for work purposes (i work shifts).
My own feelings are many and varied. Angry, sad, bitter, lonely, i miss him like mad and yet hate the bones of him. Every word he utters seems to irritate me way beyond reason. I hate him making no effort to see DD, but i hate it equally when he asks to spend the day with her ("you cant just ignore her 95% of the time then ask to see her when u can parade her round in front of your mates and play dad of the year!"), hate him having girlfriends, hate to see him spending a single penny on himself when he is currently dodging CSA, hate that he never bothered to work at our relationship even for DDs sake. And yet... a year on i still cry at the thought of him with someone else. I'm devastated that my daughter will never do anything with Mummy & Daddy, i try to find reasons to get him to come to our house to see DD so i can see him too. If he asked id go back in a heartbeat but id probably be so shirty with him for all he does and has done wrong that it would last all of 5 minutes.

Weird little rant. i know i havent really asked any questions and its all a bit self-indulgent but its been one of those days where i just needed to vent.

Thanks for listening.

balia Sat 08-Mar-14 20:37:41

wine

It. Will. Get. Better.

Jen547 Sat 08-Mar-14 20:41:07

so i hear. when?

AcrossthePond55 Sat 08-Mar-14 22:44:47

When you decide that it will. Regaining happiness is something that you, and only you, must make happen, consciously and continuously. You have to work at it, day by day. It's not easy, but it can be done.

Children, in time, make up their own minds about things.

In time, and it may be many years down the line, your dd will ask questions of you and your ex. Then she will know who was there and who wasn't. Children are great at working out who the arseholes are wink

You are doing fab. He is the loser, not you smile

Lozislovely Sat 08-Mar-14 22:49:40

I'm feeling the same Jen, if its any consolation! 20 years I was with XH, and over the last 10 years, due to depression and self esteem issues, I burnt it all out.

He's moved on, says he still loves me, but isn't sure he's believed I've changed. I have realised, as has he, where it went wrong but he's going forward. I just want to start over, though I do have days where I don't like him - probably because I don't know what I should be feeling!!

So I guess I don't have any advice really except to say take each day as it comes, don't dwell on the past (easier said than done I know) and just try to live. I have days when I wish he would just walk through the door and say he loves me and days I wish he said he hated me (as it might make me realise it is truly over). But I know I have so much love to give and I want to give it to him - and perhaps that makes me an idiot!!

I'm not sure there's a right or wrong answer. I've been advised to go no contact, but neither of us seem to be able to do that, but then he has someone to keep the bed warm, make his dinner and as hard as I try, I just can't get him out of my head!

ProphetOfDoom Sat 08-Mar-14 23:03:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Any man who ignores his child and pays nothing towards her is a cunt of the highest order. Sorry to use that word but it's the only one strong enough.

You're worth more and so is your daughter.

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