Split up with DP over a year ago and still finding it so hard to cope with him moving on, my personal situation and my own feelings towards him.
Recently found out he has a new DP who has a child of her own. Horrid painful news as he has always said the reason he didnt stick around was because he wasnt up to being a dad and didnt want that life. Turns out it was just my DD he didnt want as hes clearly happy to play stepdaddy to someone elses.
Cant ever get used to being a single mum. Barely got the motivation to peel myself off the sofa after my 400th night in alone. Knowing that from 7pm its pretty much a countdown to bedtime to just get another day over and done with. Cant for the life of me work out logistically how im gonna date if and when the opportunity pops up! Cant take my DD on dates but exhaust all my babysitters for work purposes (i work shifts).
My own feelings are many and varied. Angry, sad, bitter, lonely, i miss him like mad and yet hate the bones of him. Every word he utters seems to irritate me way beyond reason. I hate him making no effort to see DD, but i hate it equally when he asks to spend the day with her ("you cant just ignore her 95% of the time then ask to see her when u can parade her round in front of your mates and play dad of the year!"), hate him having girlfriends, hate to see him spending a single penny on himself when he is currently dodging CSA, hate that he never bothered to work at our relationship even for DDs sake. And yet... a year on i still cry at the thought of him with someone else. I'm devastated that my daughter will never do anything with Mummy & Daddy, i try to find reasons to get him to come to our house to see DD so i can see him too. If he asked id go back in a heartbeat but id probably be so shirty with him for all he does and has done wrong that it would last all of 5 minutes.
Weird little rant. i know i havent really asked any questions and its all a bit self-indulgent but its been one of those days where i just needed to vent.
Thanks for listening.
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Lone parents
1 year on - still bitter
7 replies
Jen547 · 08/03/2014 20:22
OP posts:
ProphetOfDoom ·
08/03/2014 23:03
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