lonely evenings once LO is in bed.. drinking to get through the eve?

(22 Posts)
olympicsbaby Sun 02-Mar-14 22:41:06

Anyone else split recently (6 month ago for) me.. I have an 18 month old... the days are great with my LO but once he's in bed I hate it..the loneliness and I end up drinking wine every night? anyone else? How do I kick this habit?

WhoWasThatMaskedWoman Sun 02-Mar-14 22:44:32

How much? Exactly how much? Doing the sums may help you prevent the slippery slope.

Beamur Sun 02-Mar-14 22:44:38

It's an easy habit to slip into. But is also one you can break if you want!
What time do you tend to start? If you set a later time as 'wine o clock' - maybe no earlier than 9pm you can limit more easily how much you have.
Do something else with your time earlier in the evening, have a bath, do your nails, read a book. Then maybe set yourself a limit of one or two glasses and definitely make sure you're not drinking every night - make sure you have at least 3 nights a week booze free. Keep yourself healthy. Treat yourself to something else nice on your wine free nights.

arabellarubberplant Sun 02-Mar-14 22:48:09

Find a hobby that uses your hands. Knit, crochet, cross stitch, card making, sketching, painting, take an OU course and study, bonsai, woodwork, dressmaking,

And don't have wine in the house if you can't trust yourself to regulate.

arabellarubberplant Sun 02-Mar-14 22:49:00

Get an exercise DVD or use the evenings to cook delicious meals for the freezer.

olympicsbaby Sun 02-Mar-14 22:49:24

its most nights and a prob about a whole bottle of wine.. he goes down at 7pm and but 11pm i've had a whole bottle of wine and about 5 fags :-(

Beamur Sun 02-Mar-14 22:50:42

Bless, that is too much and will do you no good in the long run.

CremeEggThief Sun 02-Mar-14 22:52:40

Keep him up an hour later, don't open the wine til 9.00/9.30 and try to go to bed 10.30-11, is what I suggest.

coffeeinbed Sun 02-Mar-14 22:57:17

Can you alternate a glass of wine with a glass of water or keep a big glass of water next to the wine so you drink
Less?

blackcoffee Sun 02-Mar-14 23:00:35

Find something else. I started writing. Otherwise wine and TV was too easy. The evenings ARE hard but they are also an opportunity - lots of spare time to retrain, study - by the time your dc is older you could have something substantial behind you. When my dc were older I moved on to NVQ in childcare evening course, while neighbour's daughter babysat, then Maths GCSE, then retrained as a teacher. I am now doing Masters Creative writing. It doesn't have to be academic, it could be making something, as long as it's something to do for you, a skill of some kind. Lots of people I know moan they have no time for things like that and one major drawback of a relationship is the time you have to spend on it!

coffeeinbed Sun 02-Mar-14 23:03:44

Or have a cut off time, say 9:30
And make it a habit to make and have a mint or camomile or some rigger herbal tea at they time.

Monetbyhimself Sun 02-Mar-14 23:07:33

Oh OP that's too much. It's so easy to lean on wine too much. Do you buy it all at once? I'd focus really hard on cutting down the amount you have in the house. Log in here. There are lots and lots of us who are home alone un the evenings. Start some threads on here and keep uoursrlf distracted.

CuttedUpPear Sun 02-Mar-14 23:12:06

When my DCs were age around 5 - 10 I was on several courses which were one day a week in college and lots of homework.

The other students (who were all in relationships) marvelled at how I managed to get all the studying done.
I realised that it wouldn't have been possible with another adult in the house. So I was glad at least of that!

I studied like this for three years and built my new career this way.
I hope you can find something stimulating for yourself OP.

MissPricklePants Sun 02-Mar-14 23:19:22

hello OP! I have been an LP for nearly 5 years now since my dd was a squishy newborn. I did used to drink wine on an eve but rarely drink now as I'm on anti-ds and alcohol is a no no. I crochet, I read, clean (eurgh!!) groom the cat (she is the boss of the house!), I browse ravelry/pinterest/mumsnet to keep me occupied.

tribpot Sun 02-Mar-14 23:23:42

I think there's a number of things you can try. The key thing has to be reducing your units - you're drinking between about 60 and 70 units a week and you know that's too much. (No judgement - I used to drink way more than that).

What I would suggest to start off with is an alcohol-free month. I know that sounds daunting but by cutting out completely for that length of time, you will have a good opportunity to assess what your triggers are and how you can combat them. You'll also be able to feel the benefits of no alcohol and generally be better placed to decide how much you want to drink, and how often, in future.

You definitely need distraction for your hands - knitting is my therapy, and before I was well enough to knit, I used to play on my Nintendo DS quite a lot to keep my hands occupied.

Make sure you've got alternative drinks which aren't too sweet. Plain tonic water or ginger beer are good, or herbal tea.

Tell people you're doing a detox; it's much harder to backslide if you commit to it publicly, and your friends will hopefully be supportive rather than say 'god that sounds grim, have another glass' wink

I know people who've had success tracking their units with the NHS app. But I really think your first course of action needs to be a month off completely. When I was drinking this would have seemed like an inconceivable amount of time to go without a drink but it's a very worthwhile investment in your health, and to avoid ending up having to give up forever!

cafecito Sun 02-Mar-14 23:25:48

oh gosh I would love those hours peace to do stuff

see it as golden time for you, not lonely time - don't know what you enjoy but generically that's time to read a list of classics? follow an online course from Stanford or Berkeley? write a blog about your experience? learn a language? workout in your kitchen?

KingR0llo Mon 03-Mar-14 19:36:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KellyElly Tue 04-Mar-14 16:56:16

I did this after my split. One bottle crept up quickly to a bottle and a half. I started exercising, getting into box sets and reading. I try to have friends over at the weekend when I don't have to go to work the next day and have a social drink as opposed to a lonely drink. It really does get better. I have been apart from DD's dad for three years no and the first year/18 months were really lonely and hard. I also tend to get off to bed early if there's not a reason to stay up as there's no point staying up all hours when I'm on my own. If I were you I'd try to cut down drinking to one night a week and try to have a friend over to share you wine with and have a chat.

LetZygonsbeZygons Tue 04-Mar-14 19:00:29

Op I started drinking when DC went to bed and dint realise how much. It was one tot every other night but I realised that was too much for me.

do as other posters have suggested, find a hobby or something, or even mumsnett"!"!

I have one tot on a weekend now as I have to be there for DC try thinking that way, it helped me! without me theres no one for DC!!

I go to bed soon after DC and watch tv in bed (best investment ever, the upstairs tv) as that stops me taking a drink upstairs plus I play on the Nintendo ds a candy crush type thing Im addicted to! keep your hands busy!

worriedsister30 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:30:54

In my experience the only thing to stop yourself is to have no wine in the house. Once he's in bed you can't nip out so it's tough. No wine.

Hobbies don't help. You can easily drink win and sew, or do yoga, or do your nails.

On the nights you allow yourself to drink, but one of those small bottles.

tantrumtime Thu 06-Mar-14 21:15:20

I agree, just don't buy it. Before i had children i drank a lot and even now I could quite easily sink a bottle every night but I don't buy it ,then when DCs in bed I can't go and get it anyway. My DCs are up in the night so may be different to you but the thought of a hangover is enough to put me off!!

tantrumtime Thu 06-Mar-14 21:16:54

P.s I buy bass shandy so it makes me feel like I'm having an 'adult' drink but I know I won't feel bad in the morning grin

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