Telling work that you're about to become a lone parent

(11 Posts)
LouiseFromLondon Sun 02-Mar-14 14:04:34

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and am planning to tell my work at just after 12 weeks. The father and I are good friends but not a couple. I'm worried about being the centre of stigma and gossip if I were to tell people that I am doing this alone. I am tempted to pretend that the father (who they will never met anyway) and I are a couple. This would be easy as my work life is completely separate to my personal life. I work in a small team of women though and they love to chat and gossip so I know I will have to bat away endless questions. Either way I feel I can't win! Anyone been in a similar situation??

Anonymai Sun 02-Mar-14 15:33:52

Not been in this situation but you don't have to tell people anything you don't want to. The easiest tactic with gossips is keep it brief and deflect back to them. Or the old "it's private, sorry" with a polite smile and then ask them something about something they like to go on about and they'll be away.

russianfudge Sun 02-Mar-14 16:30:01

I just watched the episode of House of Cards where someone did this perfectly. It went along the lines of "I'm 12 weeks pregnant, I'm not with the father, I'm going to do it alone" - confident smile.

Best of luck with it all and congratulations! X

Meglet Sun 02-Mar-14 16:36:15

I'm sure they'll be terribly nosy for a day or so ("whose name will it have?", "will he be at the birth?"), then it won't matter. Keeping up the pretence for months would be a PITA.

queenofthepirates Sun 02-Mar-14 18:05:32

I have been there and I just said 'I'm pregnant, let's sort out the Mat B1 certificate and I believe we need to risk assess my work station'. I did get some questions but I just smiled and moved the conversation on. One person was particularly persistent but I just smiled and refused to answer questions about my private life.

There is something of a stigma because you may find the work/life balance trickier without a partner. It isn't a particularly appealing idea for an employer because there may not be someone to share the childcare when baby gets poorly. Legally of course an employer can't hold it against you but you may feel a little awkward. I got round this by starting my own business and now work around my DD's hours which works perfectly.

Fancynancypants1 Sun 02-Mar-14 19:04:32

I remember hearing some really good advice about interviews. It said you have to managw people perceptions.

Maybe the less said the better to protect yourself from any gossip or negative attitudes. Women especially can be nasty so I wouldn't tell them.

So are you a single mum by choice OP or is your little one a love child? x

sillymillyb Sun 02-Mar-14 19:11:17

I've been in your shoes (well I still am, but my ds is 2 now ) I tend to be very matter of fact but up front so that it's not a secret or gossip fodder.

When I told my boss I was new to the role so I had added stress in that department. I think I said, I needed to chat and that I was x weeks pregnant and would be on my own for it. I thought it was best to just address it.

Good luck!

Anonymai Sun 02-Mar-14 19:13:09

What the fuck is a "love child".

Katkins1 Sun 02-Mar-14 19:14:57

Congrats! You don't have to tell anyone that you are a lone parent, although it may help them to support you when you go back, say if you had an emergency or childcare problems. But it's entirely up to you. You don't need to tell anyone anything that you don't want to.

Viviennemary Sun 02-Mar-14 19:20:51

I know this goes against the thread but if it was me I'd take the easy way out say I was with somebody tell a few lies and after a space of time would say we'd split up. Cowardly I know. But it's what I would do. Hope everything goes well. I'm not recommending that you do this at all. I don't think I could bear the gossip, speculation and disapproval.

russetbella1000 Sun 02-Mar-14 22:33:14

I was a very happy lone parent right from the off...And it was (as it should be!) completely 'accepted'...Even saying that sounds totally wrong. The fact that you feel how you do is just how you (and everyone in society) is conditioned to feel.

Just enjoy and have your own experience which hopefully will be like mine and just great! If you're positive and happy what other better situation for a child is there?I think some people THINK it will be this and that but only people who have/are a lone parent know for sure and of course we are all individuals who still view it differently! From my point of view it was the preferred way I wanted to bring up my child...Good luck:0)

Tbh I cannot remember one conversation I had at work about the father...I guess many knew I was no longer with him but for most it just didn't figure I was just an excited mummy to be!

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