The teenage years are lonely

(17 Posts)
17leftfeet Fri 28-Feb-14 07:13:08

Dd was incredibly rude to me last night in front of a room full of kids

I have removed her phone as punishment and world war 3 broke out

She hates me, she wished she'd never been born etc etc

I realise this is par for the course with teens but she's got up in the same mood this morning, refusing to get in the shower -I can't physically make her and its hitting home that I've got no one to give me a hug, tell me it's just a phase and she doesn't mean it

I've been single for 4 years, I should be used to it but I'm just finding it so hard

None of my friends have children this age, my sister says 'just get her told!'

Not helpful

Pippinlongsocks Fri 28-Feb-14 07:27:55

I feel for you. On my own with my nearly 13 years old DS and we are just hitting the same stage I anticipate. I know it is hard but I use the toddler taming method of just ignoring the strop. It is so difficult not too respond though. If she really doesn't want to shower then I wouldn't push it. She will probably regret it, not that she will admit it I am guessing, when she is at school and feels a bit icky from not showering. You may find a bit of time away from each other today and things will be better later and you might be able to talk it through? Hang in there. I count to ten a lot. Hopefully someone else will be along soon with better advice. Sure you are doing a grand job.

LastingLight Fri 28-Feb-14 07:28:39

Sorry I have no advice op, just want to give you a virtual hand to hold.

Misfitless Fri 28-Feb-14 07:31:33

It is just a phase, I'm sure 17, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

If they could see past their own noses, and realised the hurt they caused they'd think twice.

Have a brew

JeanSeberg Fri 28-Feb-14 07:35:01

How old is she OP? Old enough to be left for a few hours tonight while you visit a friend or go out for a few drinks/meal?

Agree re picking your battles - of course you were right to punish her for rude behaviour but I'd let the showering go.

It is just a phase. You are doing a great job - one day she will look back & be massively grateful (& probably mortified a bit embarrassed) about her current behaviour. Try not to take it personally - even if it feels personal. I know I said & did terrible things at that age - I just hadn't learnt how to contain the rage!

17leftfeet Fri 28-Feb-14 07:39:53

She's 13

If she wants to get picked on for greasy hair and being a bit stinky that's her problem

I leave her in the daytime but I'm a bit more uncomfortable at leaving her in the evenings

School think she's an angel so I must be doing something right even though she told me last night the reason she behaves like she does at home is down to bad parenting

Misfitless Fri 28-Feb-14 08:03:35

Oh that old blame it on the parent chestnut!

Your Dsis is right, get her told!

You need to tell her that blaming anything on a parent is only ever to be used by adults about other peoples' DCs! She has a lot to learn.

You, however, are brilliant, the school know that and so do we!

She'll feel really bad on her way to school, wish she'd had a shower, and realise that you're always right and that you're a fab mumsmile!

Misfitless Fri 28-Feb-14 08:06:26

And when your friends' DCs hit the wonderment of adolescence, you'll be there (having come out the other side) with them sobbing in your kitchen whilst you reassure them and make them tea, all sage and calm and ...you!

Remember...you are fabulous!

smileyforest Tue 04-Mar-14 17:21:37

Yes i'm finding the teenage years as a single parent incredibly hard.....no support ....((((:

newsandreviews Tue 04-Mar-14 20:36:30

Find support on here smile My DS is 11 and starting those teenage hormones. I brought a couple of books from amazon - ones that you can read with them about being a teenager and it really helps - makes you realise on the whole they can't help it and pulling away from you is a natural and healthy development step, albeit one we don't like much. Hugs

17leftfeet Wed 05-Mar-14 22:11:54

Had another eruption tonight over a packet of biscuits ffs!

currentlyconfused Tue 11-Mar-14 15:42:17

feel for you 17, but sounds to me like you are doing a great job. DS aged 11 seems to be on the cusp of this, I am dreading it. Lots of friends with DC the same age, but no-one quite appreciates the lot of a single parent !

Don't have much useful advice, unfortunately, other than to say that my mum was always right. I certainly wouldn't accept it then, and I wouldn't readily admit it now, but I fear she is almost always right now too !

news, would love to know the names of the books you got, any additional info is helpful - arming myself for the off....

newsandreviews Tue 11-Mar-14 21:47:29

One is called The Boy Files by Alex Hooper-Hodon

AdeleNazeem Fri 21-Mar-14 13:06:56

I went through this with my daughter and she emerged the other side. phew.

it does get better, honestly.

One of the most useful things I was told on my teacher training course (secondary pgce) was that at this age, they have a huge surge of hormones, hundred times what you have as an adult surging round their body making changes and their brain gets a bit fried. It really helped me as a mum to think of my daughter permanently having pmt! they're bags of hormones and don't know what they're saying!

look after yourself and seek solace in friends, and if you can cultivate more friends (esp lone parents) with teenagers, do it

(hug)

theywillgrowup Fri 21-Mar-14 23:09:46

been having this with my 14yr old twin boys

their dad died a few years back,so feel its really tough sometimes

lets all bang our heads together for the next few years

AnandaTimeIn Fri 21-Mar-14 23:30:28

I've been through this.

"Make your bedroom your appartment" so you can retreat there, keep up with friendships and get together to go out for a coffee/meal, go for walks/cycle, go to a film matinee on a day off, keep an exercise book to write down frustrations (and then rip them up) etc.

It's so relentless being a SP you have to definately build in "me time".

Chose your battles (she will suffer more from not showering than you) and always keep the lines of communication open.

My DS is 22. Just a few weeks ago we went to a concert together (music he grew up with) grin

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