Child contact

(7 Posts)
GEM33 Tue 25-Feb-14 03:17:58

Ok. Please be very gentle with me. We split two months ago. He left for younger woman. Two yr old daughter together. So far he been babysitting when I work shifts..suddenly he says he won't babysit on certain shifts as he doesn't want to be ruled by my work. I have no other support. I've had to ask work for time off. My job is very important and strict I can't just take time off at the drop of a hat.
I've told him I have to move further away to be nearer my mum who could babysit while I work as she is too far away to do it now. He doesn't want me to move and says he ll take me to court for child contact but I've told him he can see dd whenever he wants and I'm willing to travel so she sees his family but I object to her staying away overnight when I move until she is a bit older and I'm feeling stronger as frankly I'm still distraught at the loss of this relationship. Dd has never spent a night away from me in her little life.
What options have we both got? Could I be forced into letting her go overnight even if I'm willing to let him see her whenever and also bring her to him and his family? She is my world. I didnt have a child to send her packing to someone else at such a young age :-(

Havinganose Tue 25-Feb-14 03:24:13

Sorry you're going through this. Someone should be along soon with practical advice. Take care

middleeasternpromise Tue 25-Feb-14 03:56:16

Firstly you can never rely on an ex partner to provide essential child care whilst you work - it rarely works. You do have to facilitate contact but neither he nor you can be overly prescriptive about how that works. He cannot just run things in to court any more there is now a requirement to use mediation first (or prove you cant) so since he says he cannot do the contact when you are working - let him do the running around to get mediation sorted out. You can move to increase your support - your priority is working and providing for your daughter and it doesn't sound like you are going to the other side of the world. With a 2 year old I would make that a very important priority. Unfortunately whilst he's in the throws of a new relationship he is unlikely to be there for you in any way shape or form. Keep all dealings professional and unemotional (cry at home trust me its the best strategy don't get drawn into great big emotional exchanges with him over your child) just stick to the facts - your choices - these consequences. In reality its heart breaking but it does eventually settle down. Overnight stays are perfectly suggestible but of course you can argue they need to be built up to given child has not been away from you overnight and unless he says he regularly was lone overnight carer he needs to work within the best interests of your daughter and make sure any overnights would be a positive exp. I know the thought horrifies you now but 24/7 working and parenting alone - you will need a night off now and again but it doesn't have to be at a finger click so don't panic. First off prioritise how you put your practical support network in place. Agree contact that's works for you and the child and negotiate from there via mediation based on what's realistic ie does he have the accommodation etc. good luck

Daddyofone Tue 25-Feb-14 12:35:25

Practically unless there are welfare issues , overnights at dad's at age 2 would likely be granted by a court. Likewise that happening every other w/e.

I understand your concerns and need to move. But keep in mind your dd will likely be having to make that journey on a regular basis for some years.

GEM33 Tue 25-Feb-14 13:38:54

Thanks for your posts. Very practical. He has a son he left when he was two for another woman now age twelve who lives am hour away. He has him every other weekend but he currently has no where to live and dosses at his new girlfriends house or his sisters. He has no where to take our daughter. He struggles to work out where his son is going to stay at the minute. Yes I agree i can't rely on him
For childcare any longer which is why I have to move an hour away to be close to my mum as she will be reliable babysitter. I've tried to explain this I him but he still can't see that I'm moving for practical reasons due to his unreasonable behaviour with regards to looking after our daughter just so I can work. It's not like I'm asking him to look after her at our house so I can go out. And he has I be at ours which he doesn't like because he hasn't got his own place. He's being very unreasonable at the moment.

Monetbyhimself Tue 25-Feb-14 14:30:07

He can't stop you moving. That is the mainthing that you need to focus on. All of his huffing and puffing about courts etc will be part if his drive to show OW what an amazing dad he is.

Go ahead and make your plans, communicate with him via email or text and keep offering regular contact. He'll only be able to have her overnight when he has suitable accomodation so for now, ignore his bluster, focus on getting yourself moved near your support network and let him take the lead with getting mediation sorted.

Anonymai Tue 25-Feb-14 14:31:18

It doesn't matter if he doesn't see the practical reasons for you moving. A court would if he tried to make an issue of it so try not to worry about that. As long as they can see you aren't doing it to block contact, there should be no problems there.

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