xp seeing someone else after 4 days? advice needed

[mumandlovingit]

my xp moved out friday without any real warning and has been having texts from a woman sice who's got 3 kids and is a single mum.he says they are friends but the amount of texts received just while he's visiting his kids is far too many for just friends considering he only met her two weeks ago!!
he's telling me he's been round people's i really cant see him being round and when i rang him yesterday theere were young kids in the background when he was taling. ive now looked on the internet to see what he's ordered from his catalogue as its still registered at my address and he's ordered clothes for a child that would be way too small for one of ours.am i jumping to conclusions?? seems abit weird to me and the instant thought in my head is that he's buying them for her child.ther's money going into his bank that ive got the card for tomorrow and i dont want to say something and have him cancel the card as he's said i can have the money for the kids until the income support gets sorted.it's eating me up inside though as if he is seeing this woman it's obvious that she's the reason he's left me and the kids and he's a gutless wimp for not admitting it and telling me the truth.he's already admitted to his mum that he likes the girl bu the're just friends and i realy dont know what to do for the best.he doesnt even know that i know this womans name or that she's got kids etc.i just feel like a complete prat, especially when our kids are waking me up in te morning asking for daddy and i have to keep telling tem that he's not living here now but loves them very much as is visiting each week.it's the hardest thing ive ever had to do or go through and i dont know how to react for the best, especially financially for tomorrow.i dont know if i can keep my mouth shut all day and ask after ive got the money.if he is seeing ehr then i really cant get my head around him leaving his kids supposedly wanting space and to be single and sort himself out, for a woman younger than me (im only 25!) with 3 hildre that aren't even his.if he cant be with our children how can he be with her and hers!!
any advice appreciated

[mumandlovingit]

sorry about my spelling, im just so upset i cant type properly, im shaking with upset and anger at it all

[Tyedye]

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[liquidclocks]

What a crappy time you're having. I don't have much 'advice' but just wanted to help you feel supported and bump this for you until someone with more know how comes along. It does sound like he's been less than truthful with you. Agree with tyedye, this is a time for you to put aside how angry and hurt you are and be clever, easier said than done I know but it's the best way to deal with it. If you need the money don't risk losing it until you've got some back up. Do you have your own account - can you transfer some into there so he can't cancel your card? You do need some 'proper' advice - maybe get yourseld down to the CAB, I'm sure someone will be along soon to tell you what you need to know.

[Tyedye]

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[me23]

I'm so sorry You are going through this. How are you tonight? I can imagine how you must feel, but you can and must be strong for your kids. you will be happy again! sending lots of hugs to you hun x

[mumandlovingit]

ive been busy all day with income support etc.the bank account is in his name only but the jobseekers money went into it so he said i could take that out tomorrow for what bills were supposed to be coming out etc.he'll then get his card back.wont get anymore money off him then!! found out the truth today.he's een seeing the woman since friday night and he only moved out friday morning!! he lied to me sunday! he's ordered clothing for this womans child through his catalogue that's registered at my address still ad had it delivered to an alternative address where she's staying at the monet because he ex is living in the flat that they were in.sounds great!! he's ordered both of them new phones etc and is basically running the account up.it's in his name so the company have said they wont change the address until he contacts them or i send back mail as not at this address etc.i only know what he ordered as i loked online at the account.im so hurt and so angry.dont know about the money tomorrow, we'll have to see if he's stopped it going into the account.my mum wants me to get the locks chaged incase he cut a spare set over the weekend etc.that'll cost me around £150 according to the companies i've rung up.cant afford that.told him earlier that he's not to tell the children he's got a new girlfriend, they're messed up enough as it is.i keep reasuring them that daddy still loves them etc and that they'll see him twice a week but deepdown i keep wondering how the hell ca he love the like he said and then do this to them.he hasnt consideed theirs or my feelings at all and he's even lied about it all.it wasnt until i basically cornered him that he had to admit it.told him to meet us at the park tomorrow.dont want him in my house.feels weird being here now as it was ours.cant redecorate as havent got the money.just feel really crap.

[mumandlovingit]

he's also blaming me cuz his mums thrown him out today when i told him what he'd done and now he hasnt got anywhere either.

[shebnem]

hi mumandlovingit,
i am so sorry for what happened.
i believe you will manage to come out this situation very well and you will be a much stronger person.
and i believe life will be better for you without this man.
i wish you all the strength you need at this difficult time.
good luck with everything.

[mumandlovingit]

he rang me last night and told me that he thinks he's made a mistake being with the woman and that she wasnt the main reason he left, things have been not right for a while now.he said that even if she hadnt shown an interest it still would've been for the best that he left.he's now trying to get orders cancelled that he ordered to go to her address from his catalogue and is having to try to find somewhere to live and go sign on again as apparently he signed off!! no idea why.mixed emotions at the moment.feel like he's only rung me as things are starting to go wrong with her and that if things were ok with her then it wouldnt have crossed his mind.told him to get somewhere to live, get jobseekers claim put in and sort himself out.see his kids and make them happy and dont hurt them again.havent mentioned possibility of us again as i really cant trust him at the moment and dont know how much is a sympathy act as things arent going right for him how he planned or how much of it is his real feelings etc.i'll have to see what he does from now o and if he sticks to seeing the kids and doesnt end up wasting his life away on the dole and doing nothing to get himself sorted and settled.just dont want to be used as an emotional crutch whenever he feels down.i now i need to be tough but also need to think about the kids and i cant just switch my feelings off no matter how much he's hurt me.personally i dont think him being witht he woman is the romantic sexual relationship i thought it was.i get the impression he's ust with her as someone to be there so he's not on his own.dont get the impression they're all over each other etc.
any thoughts?? dont want to seem too hrd and nasty and have him start messing me and the boys around or being difficult.told him if he doesnt give me and hassle i wont give him any.

[gem1984]

Hi mumandlovingt,

just wanted to say how sorry i am you have been treated like this, unfortunately i can't offer dvice as i have never been in that situation but know how hard it must be. my ex me when i was 3 mnths prgnant and i have been left to bring the baby up alone. my baby is 8 weeks and i'm finding t hard but with all the support on here i am getting through it. i'm only 22 so know how u must feel.
i know its hard but keep a brave face and it will all get better.
Take care

[jellyjelly]

If you change the locks you are breakign the law and he can break the door down to gain access if his name are on eihter the tenancy or the mortgage deeds. If you do change them and you dont know what he could do then it is a better position to be in but still not great. He can insist on having new keys or can make it very difficult for you. I know as i changed my locks.

[Tyedye]

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[mumandlovingit]

i doubt he's consider relate.he's not the taling about his feelings type.that's one of the problems.he's now ordered even more goods for the girl through his catalogue on 104 weeks payment terms so even if he isnt with her he'll have to pay for her things for another two years!! I've had his name taken off the tenancy.ive changed the locks myself.he knows he can have his things when he wants them.id rather they were out of the house.have told him that for me and him to ever be able to even think about trying in the future he needs to get rid of her before he hurts his kids even more when they find out and before he keeps hurting me even more.he hasnt done so yet! he rang me uop earlier asking me if i could help him with something.surely there must be something there for him to have rung me?? i just feel like he's got me dangling on a string waiting for something he might never do.i do get the impression though that he's with her because he knows i wont take him back anytime soon.its all i think about 24/7.cant get him out of my head or the situation.dont know if there are any herbal antidepressents i can take? im on the pill so dont think st johns wart? just need something to help me relax.dont want to end up on proper antidepressents but i cant take much more of this.

[Smellen]

Hi mum&lovingit
Was just having a quick look at MN before an early night, and started reading this thread. I just wanted you to know that someone on MN has read your latest post, and is thinking of you. Can't imagine what you are going through, and not really in a position to offer any advice as (a) haven't been through this myself & {b) don't know enough about you, your partner, your relationship to comment.

However, please do take care of yourself. You obviously have family who do love you dearly. Although you must feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world, this awful time will pass.

Before you even consider taking him back, think carefully about the implications of being with a man who is emotionally unreliable, financially a disaster, and to be honest, treating you in such a cruel manner. You might be better off starting out afresh on your own - at least that way you can have some control over your own life. It is easy for me to say that though; I cannot imagine having to make the decision to separate from my child's father. But I do know some really fab kids who have been raised by dedicated and sorted lone parents (including my own darling nephew).

All the best

[Tyedye]

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[mumandlovingit]

thankyou for all your words of encouragement and support.ive rang up his catalogue and as my name is on there as ok to speak to them ive cancelled one of the orders he's made.ive told him that i dont want him ordering anything else for her whilst the account is still held at this address.talked to him on the phone last night and explained to him how i feel and how the kids will feel once they realise what the situation is with them etc and ive now left it to him to sort out whether he's going to stay with her and risk never having any chance at all in the future or if he's going to leave her and sort himself out and at least make a chance for us for the future.