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how often should i let exp visit our kids? etc etc

2 replies

mumandlovingit · 06/08/2006 21:44

my partner of 6 years moved out friday without any warning telling me that he wants to be single and have his space etc but that he still wants to visit the kids.he came round today for our childs birthday and didnt really do that much (not that he did when he was here).he text a woman loads and sais that she's just a friend (who happens to be single with 3 kids!!) he cuddled me when i was upset and then got annoyed when i text him after he's left about whether he wants abit of space and sorting himself out time with a job etc and if he wants us to not see anyone else and try after a while to sort out any rpoblems that we had and work through things to get us back together at some point as a family.he basically responded tellig me to stop hassling him about the subject.we've had our ups and downs and he's got his bad points, mainly that his hobby means he's not here 4 nights a week! but i do love him and we've had alot of good memories together and we've got two gorgeous kids together.surely that's worth trying to save?
he wants me to sort out when he can come and see the kids obviously he wont come on his hobby night! i dont knwo how many times a week is the norm as he'll be visiting in the house that i live in and i dont want him sitting rond all day dossing about as such and then just leaing again when it gets to the evening like he did when he lived here.is it too unreasonable to say during the holidays, two afternoons a week and the evening that his parents visit? that way i can take them places and arrange things without him turning up etc.want the evenings on my own really after kids in bed so i can get some time alone to think and relax.weekends are out due to his hobby really and the fact that most weekends this month ive already arranged to take the boys places whih he wont be joining us on now.
anyone got any thoughts? i want to keep things ok between us as he'll be coming round to see the boys and i dont want him trying to take them out alone instead.
if he does get together with this woman he's texting what should i do? i'll be devastated if it's so soon.i think it's be obvious that she's part of the breakup.he only met her a cople of weeks ago through a friend and he hasnt mentioned her until today when i moaned that all he was doing was txting in his sons birthday.does anyone think it might help him come to his senses ad realise what he's lost and want us back and sort things so that he can come back?
any thoughts?
any help?
anyone been in same situation?

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nikkie · 06/08/2006 22:19

I think 2 afternoons is reasonable, my xh visits our house 2nights after work then has them 1 day at the weekend, we are both fairly flexible about it which makes it easier.

No advise on the woman front but me and my xh agreed to wait before he introduced anyone to the kids but from your point of view you need to know if you are definatly finished, and what is happening.

Hope someone more helpful comes along soon

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mumandlovingit · 06/08/2006 22:56

thanks.ive just spoke to his mum on the phone who he is staying with at present.she said he sleeps there, gets up and leaves and doesnt come home again until ight so she hasnt been able to speak to him to find out whats going on etc. im now at the stage where i think i'll just act normal, let him see the kids tmorrow as planned and not even mention us or our relationship etc.im hoping this way i wont seem to be pestering him all the time and he wont feel that he's got me dangling on a string begging him to come back.if he thinks im not really bothered it might make him question why and worry that i might not want it all anymore and make him come to a decison better than him thinking hes got me dangling on waiting indefinitely.i think if its meant to be wit will be and if its not its not.there are alot of issues that would need to be resloved before we could have a relationship again and i dont know if deep down he can ever be the type of perosn that i need him to be and who i thought he was before we had the children.i fell pregnant quickly after we got together and our children are only 13 months apart and i think its a case of not ever really having much us time before having the kids too and i think when you've got kids and one of you isnt there much and doesnt really make alot of effort into doing things with the kids its hard to really feel together.thats one thing that would need to be sorted if we did try again.sometimes i keep wondering if its all just too much hassle and ust easier to accept that its over rather than keep trying and trying at somehting that might not ever really work and make us both happy!

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