Advice

[wirral]

Just a quick question to see what you all think. My soon to be ex works a 6 week irregular shift pattern. To his credit the main stumbling block in our divorce is that he wants to see our daughter so often. Whenever his shifts suit. Currently we have an arrangement where he picks up daughter 3 nights a week - two of the nights he gives her tea and on the third she stays overnight ( as long as it is the weekend). The nights that he has her are dictated by him and for a while I've been getting the impression that he arranges the contact around his social life, golf and possible overtime in work.

My question is ..... Do you think that it is unreasonable of me to request that I see his shift rota prior to agreeing the dates for contact?

Or is it better to put up and shut up and hope that things calm down a bit in the future!

On another note ( I'm on a roll!) how do you come to terms with not seeing your child when they're at ex partners? My daughter is now away for the week. I've come into work and have arranged a weekend away but I still miss her so much. Will it get better?

[MamaG]

I don't think its unreasonable to ask to see his shift rota, but if things are reasonably amicable between you, you might want to hold fire for now! Sorry, can't help about not seeing child, but this will bump it up for you.

[bluejelly]

Hi Wirral
Nice to hear from you again though obviously things are still quite tough for you but I can say from experience that it does get easier learning to cope when you child is away
I genuinely look forward to it now and keep myself busy doing all the things I can't do when she is around!

[mistressmiggins]

Hi Wirral

yes it does get easier
this is my monthly weekend without the kids and I am looking forward to lots of things

1. lie in Sat & Sun
   
2. shopping without kids
   
3. housework without kids
   
4. going out without worrying about babysitters
   
5. no horrible hour before bed - been on computer last hour
   
   course you miss them but if you are the main carer, you do need time to yourself to recharge
   
   when my children come home, Im buzzing with joy and love and they are pleased to be back so its great

[ninah]

great to hear such a positive message mistress m! all power to you. Particularly envious of the lie ins
Wirral it does sound positive that he wants to see your dd so much, and it does sound like you're managing this relatively amicably. So despite the nitty gritty I'd carry on doing whatever you're doing, I take my hat off to you -really.

[wirral]

Ok - now a not so positive post. Finally got his shift rota - despite numerous abusive texts and a solicitor's letter from him. It appeared from his shift pattern that he could do regular 3 days but that wasn't what he requested. When I suggested the 3 days he refused on the basis that one of the nights he has a course to go on and the other he is training ! What do you think? Regardless as to whether this is true or not should I fit in with things outside his regular shift rota? I work and if I had a training course on one of my nights to pick my daughter up I'd have to arrange for her Grandparents to pick her up.

Sorry I just wish that things had settled down a bit by now