How did you feel when your x got married?

[fairyfly]

I need to work out what it is i'm feeling, can someone who has been there explain so i can work it out.

I'm not unhappy, just odd.

[Piffle]

it has not happened but invariably I'd feel pity for the new wife... but not really...

[fairyfly]

Hmmm, i cant feel pity as i have no idea how there relationshi works and i am still a romantic at heart so i presume they have a wonderful relationshi to get married. I also for the sake of my kids wish them all the luck in the world.

Still cant work out how i feel though, it's a bit like a dream.

[nikkie]

I am like this atm with my xh having a gf,
my prob is why does someone want him tho'?

[fairyfly]

Thats a different stage a think Nikkie, i'm only guessing and i may be wrong but are you feeling a bit sick about him being with someone else?

[fairyfly]

Anyone, anyone?

[nikkie]

No not bothered that way (split 5 years ago!),just thought I was a better catch than him

[giraffeski]

Message withdrawn

[mazzystar]

relief

[VTired]

I'd be getting the bunting out and having a street party if my ex managed to get a girlfriend.....let alone anything else!

Perhaps then he'd stop stalking me......

[nikkie]

I wondered why my xh stopped bothering me and found out later he had a gf!

[pebblemum]

When i found out my ex had a new girlfriend it felt very strange. I knew i no longer loved him or wanted him back. I think it just annoyed me that while i was sat at home, alone, bringing up his son, he was living the high life. He had the chance to meet someone new, essentially he had no ties, he didmnt have to be home early because the babysitter had to get home. I guess i was jealous not because i wanted him but because i wanted the chance to be happy.

I know i pitied his new girlfriend though. While we were together he cheated once or twice (although i never knew for sure until the day we broke up)For the 6 months since we had split he had been trying to get back in my knickers, going on about how much he loved me, all that crap (it didnt work) then his step sister let slip he had been seeing someone for 5 months. He obviously hadnt changed, as soon as he knew i knew that was it, he never got in touch again. He didnt even keep in touch with his son. I dont know if he is still with her but i hope not. I met her once (although i didnt know she was his girlfriend at the time)and she seemed really nice. Too nice to end up with a loser like him.

[eidsvold]

felt strange but only cause it was to my ex-best friend with whom he had been having an affair the whole time we were married and possibly before.....

relief I no longer had to deal with his family

smug - they used to bitch about each other to me and now they had each other iyswim.

wonder - how long it would last and would they ever really be able to trust each other since they both had affairs( wondered if they would cheat on each other like they had on me and her exh.)

odd too though - but can't explain that one.

[Earlybird]

Oh - lots of things, it's complicated even if you no longer "want" them. First, I should say that we weren't married and had no children so split was not as messy as it could have been.

First I was amazed, as he had said he didn't want to marry ever again (he was married once before), so it was "what's she got that I haven't?" and a bit of "how did she manage that?"
Second, felt a bit jealous (?) that he felt enough to marry someone else but not me (when we had been together).
Third, a bit sad as it meant the door was truly closed, and there was no chance we would ever get back together.
Fourth, a bit relieved because he was a troubled man with a troubled life and it meant that I wouldn't be in the middle trying to sort things out/find solutions.
Finally, angry when I saw his wedding photos and realised he wore a jacket I gave him for Christmas one year. Tosser!

[SherlockLGJ]

Sorry EB you have just made me chortle, re the jacket.

[anorak]

Hi fairyfly. I suppose you'd be wondering how she got him to the altar and you didn't. But I can answer that one for you. He doesn't like nice people, he only likes twats because it's like looking in a mirror.

The phrases 'lucky escape' and 'can do better' keep coming into my head.

I'd open a bottle of champagne and toast the fact that it's not you.

[fairyfly]

I feel ok about it now, lovely hotel booked and a botlle of champagne in my bag.

Glad its not me, glad it's her, they suit each other so much better.

[fairyfly]

I've put my finfger on how i feel. I'm angry.

He's a selfish tosser.

My kids should have been involved with this every step of the way and now they have a step mum they hardly know.

He will spend hardly any time with them then go off on his honeymmon.

Everything revolves around him, he has no idea how i have been doing his job in gearing my boys up to accept this.

He's ungrateful for how much i go out of my way to make sure they know he is loved by them.

After the wedding he will dissapear again for his nineweek honeymoon and probably call when they make a baby for the kids to go to the christening.

I had to get that off my chest, he is a penis.

Now i won't go on about it all weekend, cheers.

[SherlockLGJ]

I am glad you have identified how you feel, write it all down and burn it.

Enjoy your weekend.

[SherlockLGJ]

Oh and download some of shoitery sorry poetry and burn that at the same time.

[fairyfly]

I realised when my eldest started crying last night about it.

Thanks lgj, i will.

[Carmenere]

Fairyfly you are a fabulous mother imo, the thing is that when they grow up they will realise that he is a tosser. So what you are doing now is preserving their innocence which as we all know, is what our children deserve.
Have a really, really great weekend (I'd go for a pre-kids decadence theme)

As an aside when my nasty, cheating ex got married (I regularly thank the lord that we never had kids) I just felt a bit sorry for his new wife as she is a really nice girl. I hope he treats her nicely as I know she's mad about him. (mind you she is just about as dim as him, so they are well matched)

[fairyfly]

I don't feel sorry for her, she's a tit and they both should have bonded with the boys before they even considered a wedding.

Re kids i hope i am doing the right things as i am actually making them go now when they dont want to..l

[Carmenere]

Oh no I agree, of course they should have bonded with the kids, yes they are tits! I think it probably is the right thing to do to make them go even if they are reluctant as it will at least bond them a bit more with your x's part of the family and they will be in family pics etc. I think that kind of stuff is important to kids particularly as they look back on stuff when they get a bit older.

My dss who has been hideously rejected by his mum, has tons of pics on his bedroom wall of them in happier times, they jsut seem important to him.

[fairyfly]

It does help you are right, thankyou for heling me not feel guilty.

I still have a picture in a fram of their dad, i hate it, but it keeps them happy.