Exh going on hol with gf .. Dd upset..

[rainbowfeet]

Been separated 5.5 yrs he is in his 2nd long term relationship been with gf a year (she has no kids or none together).. She has just moved in with him too.. He announced to dd 10.5 last week that he & gf are going on a hol (expensive long haul) this week.She has been very upset about this...
He has only ever taken her on hol once in the last 5 years & that was to his best mates wedding other than that he wouldn't have taken her. He has a very good job where as I struggle for every penny but I have scrimped & scraped borrowed & sold stuff to

[rainbowfeet]

Sorry cont... Pay for 2 holidays abroad. & caravan or cottage breaks too ... He has been to take her for dinner before they go tomorrow & since he left she's been sobbing (was too scared to tell him she's upset).. What I'm asking is do I have the right to be cross with him on her behalf?!
I said to her if it was his honeymoon then I'd understand but just a holiday I think is a bad decision .. He has done it before with ex gf too

Thoughts please?

[rainbowfeet]

He's just text to say sorry dd is upset but he just can't afford to take her!!!

I replied that is a fucking joke if he were that bothered he'd choose a cheaper destination & take her too but keep on letting her down because he's digging himself a hole!!!!

Now I'm angry
Am I being unreasonable?

[starlight1234]

I would be angry to but at 10 1/2..I think it is about supporting her to voice these feelings to Ex...

Maybe she could write it if it is to difficult to voice it.

If you voice it you sound like the bitter Ex ( not that I am suggesting you are) if she voices it then it is the upset daughter...

I also think you need to be careful what you say to your daughter about it...tellhin her in your opinion its not ok as its not a honeymoon is feeding her anger if you see what I mean...You have every right to feel angry for your DD but it isn't helpful to share it with her.

Maybe plan to do something extra special when he is away whether it be a pamper night, cinema evening, have some mates round..

[PukingCat]

What an arse. I would make sure he knows exactly how upset she is but be careful what you say to her as it sounds like you might be making her feel worse.

[KerwhizzedMyself]

I understand that your daughter is upset that she can't go but when you have children, you're still allowed a couples holiday if you want and can afford one. Not every holiday is a family holiday. Couldn't you explain to her about couples holidays and that while it would have been nice for her to go, this one is just for ex and his gf? You won't be helping by encouraging her to be upset by saying you'd understand if it was a honeymoon.

[swingofthings]

Yes and No. He is entitled to go on holiday with his girlfriend without feeling that he should take DD too (same as you). Your DD shouldn't expect that she has entitlement to be there too. What he meant by cheaper is probably that he could go cheaper during school time. Would you be happy that he took her out of school to go on hols.

What would be bad though if he regularly took his girlfriend to places and never took your dd. Let's hope that the next holiday he plans will be with her. If not, that's what I would start feeling cross, but then nothing you can do.

[MillyONaire]

But I would go on holiday without my kids (given half a chance). I'd also be upset if my kids were upset but I agree with swing - he is entitled to go on holidays without her.

[Flossyfee]

Maybe the best thing to do would be have a calm word with him. If you explain that she is upset but she would probably feel better if she had something (with her Daddy) to look forward to. Maybe they could plan a trip together soon.
I always find kids calm down when they realise their parent will return from holiday with cool gift for them.

Ex's may not always behave the same way you would, but the more you argue and get angry with them, the less will change. If you approach the subject calmly and only discuss the best intrest of the child (rather than feelings or emotions), they're more likely to listen and take on board your comments.

Hopefully you'll find a nice balance together.