Ex smacking DD

[newbabynewmum]

My DD is just 3yrs old. Split from her dad when she was 2 months old due to violence in the relationship. We used a contact centre & have been to court 4 times. Things have improved and he has her overnight once a fortnight although we are flexible & I do let him see her more frequently than this.

Today she has told me that he shouted at her & made her cry when she had a wee accidentally the other day. Then later on she was playing with her doll & told me that she had smacked her. When I questioned her about how she knew the word smack she told me that her Dad smacked her because his girlfriend didn't want to hear my DD making a silly dog noise again and again.

She is supposed to stay overnight with her dad tomorrow. I don't know what to do. Can ex's smack children even if I don't want him to? The reason I left was to protect her from his violence (which he lied about and said didn't ever occur in our relationship) - but now after feeling comfortable with his behaviour for a long time now I am panicking and worrying. Her behaviour has changed recently - she has started to hit me which never happened before & has been much more angry and aggressive.

Sorry this is so long I just need some advice. Thanks x

[bibliomania]

I would definitely try to do something about this. It's a bit hard to know what to advise without knowing whether there is a court order in place and whether CAFCASS is still involved. Any chance you could get some legal advice? It might be worth trying on the legal board here too.

Has your DD repeated these allegations to anyone else? You might want to think of taking her to the GP, even if there are no marks, and then if the GP thinks the risk is real, he/she could refer you to social services.

One way to take it forward is to say that in light of these smacking concerns, you will only allow contact in a supervised contact centre. If he wants to take you back to court, it will really help if there is evidence that you've notified the GP and that social services have been involved.

[lostdad]

Yes they can in short assuming he has PR.

My ex smacks our DS and so does her husband (who doesn't have PR) and while him doing this is a criminal offence I am powerless to intervene as I would be painted as trying to control my ex.

[BlackeyedSusan]

there is smacking and smacking. a smack on the legs or hands is different from smack on the head, for example. smacking for something life threatening (running into the road) is different frorm smacking for every little thing with no warning, or something a child does not have cobtrol over, like toilet accidents.

given his violence, I would be keeping as close an eye on it as possible.

[Monetbyhimself]

A violent man smacking a small child is a potential disaster. You can speak to your solicitor and request to go back to supervised contact. If nessecary court childrens officers can talk to DD about what happened. She needs you to protect her.

[KathrynKampbell]

That's horrible lostdad :( I can understand not being allowed to control different parenting styles but violence? From someone who isn't the child's parent? That's awful :(

[newbabynewmum]

I've posted on the legal board here, but I think I'm fairly powerless after one incident. Absolutely horrendous. I'm exhausted & at a loss at what to do now!