How long will I feel heartbroken for?

(9 Posts)
trumphy Thu 31-Oct-13 22:25:04

Hi, I just want to hear from others experiences how they dealt with their marriage/relationship breakdown and how long it took them to get over it. It's only been about 4 months for me and it seems to be getting harder not easier. I have so much anger at the moment. I cry all the time. I am gutted about it. I just want to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Theoldhag Fri 01-Nov-13 09:28:29

Hi Trumphy, it is still very early days for you yet and your feelings are normal, when we split up from someone it is a bereavement and we have to be kind to ourselves as we work though the different stages. I would suggest that you talk with your gp and get some counselling.

It will get easier as time goes by, but be aware that these things can take a long time. There is light at the end of the tunnel, do not be worried that you are still in the upset/crying phase, I found it worthwhile to 'sit' with the pain and to accept it as a natural process.

Sending you hugs and a shoulder to cry on.

Theoldhag Fri 01-Nov-13 09:31:04

Ps Malcome X said anger is a gift, use it to drive yourself forwards and to shape your life into something that you can at some point smile about.

trumphy Fri 01-Nov-13 14:26:16

Thank you Theoldhag for your messages. I think I will contact my GP about counselling again. I have a lot of issues that drive me insane. Not least that my ex felt like he did for so many years and never told me. I feel like Ive been cheated out of a chance at sorting things out. I feel like I've lost control and he's decided everything. A few swear words come to mind!

Minime85 Fri 01-Nov-13 20:51:00

I'm just beginning the start of this 'new' reality that has become my life. I am sure you will feel better soon maybe its the challenge of the run up to Christmas too. I'm dreading how hard it is going to be but am hoping I can see some positives like time to myself, not having to waste time and emotions on a relationship I put more into than he did etc. I'm incredibly sad too about what's happening to me but am going to try and remain hopeful. counselling sounds like a positive move forward. I know relate offer it to help u come to terms with it all. good luck

Lollypoplicka30 Sat 02-Nov-13 16:19:57

Hi.. im new to this site and this section of the threads is specifically what i came on for.... i was seperated frm my now ex husband 2 yrs ago which i was totally happy about never suffered emotionally once only financially.. any way since then ive had two relationships first one was for 3 months... totally hearrt broken took me 4 months to get straight adter the no eatin sleepin etc n losin 4 stone in weight because of that.... my srcond relationship lasted for 7 months and we broke up 5 days ago.... im heart broken too as i was totallybin love n never felt this emotion before not even when married... i still am tbh... and the reason we split was because he couldnt deal with my youngest child and hia behaviour problems and the fact that he was lashing out at his son.... how we are copin with it all will be totally different ... but it will eventually go away... im just goin through the lonely nights on n off crying feelin very lonely and just wantin to see him again.....

Lena01 Sat 02-Nov-13 18:20:22

Hi I know what you are going through however I think that you will recover ... it all depends of your situation and how much love your invested... as for me if it serves of consolation my husband walked away
3 months ago he has a lover and a baby 11 months old wit a gold digger .. i havent recovered yet I doubt if I ever will for me personaly it gets worsth to make things even more sad I am living in the States not family anyway I dont have family just my son and I not body to talk of course i could find a therapist but the thought of having to pay for someone who is looking at his watch in order to finish the session is uncomfortable. I cant return to England i dont have much left in England we sold our property my son wants to finish his education in this country. as for meeting someone well i tried but this Americans guys in this area are so much into games and so straight forward besides is the cultural side that boters me... my husband is returning from his business trip today he is visiting us he said he wants to take thing step by step i dont know if he is buying time in order to sell our assets i dont know I m at his mercy because I am so low that I spend days on bed i been taken to the hospital due to a nervous break down ... you see some of us are worsth than other... here nobody gives a banana about others people problems is such an individuaist society... laugh and the world will laugh with you cry and you are on your own... my husband is the Vice President of a company he is having the time of his life... he has already sold our inheritance in England to buy a top of the range BMW for the gold digger... so for me it wont get better ... for you it will ... sometimes knowing about other people worsth luck it make us feel better I dont mind if makes you feel better.
Lena

trumphy Mon 04-Nov-13 10:00:18

Hi Lena

Thanks for your message. I don't think knowing other people are worse off than you necessarily helps whilst in the midst of your own tragedy. It's like when my sisters baby died and people said, at least you still have your other children, doesn't really help. In fact it can make a person feel worse.

Also, you know nothing of my personal situation or my life for the last 14 years so you can't really judge as to whether or not you are having a worse time, I also find it rather strange to compare. It's not a competition and everyones personal grief is relative to them.

Somebody may be worried or upset about something that wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't tell them that their problem is not as bad as others. As that is what is causing them angst at that time.

I am sorry you are going through a terrible time. It sounds awful and I truly hope you come through it.

iwantanafternoonnap Mon 04-Nov-13 21:20:27

God yes you will feel better. I think at 6 months I felt a bit better, a year on really so much better now 2 years on I think 'what on earth was I doing with that twunt'

I am happier and do not even miss the arsehole. It takes time and also take what they say with a pinch of salt in regards to the relationship you had. Mine spoke utter bollocks to make himself feel better and be justified for walking out for OW.

You will better trust me on this. I was a crying, hysterical mess and signed off work. Constantly burst into tears, was very angry and felt very despondent. It fades until you realise you are happy.

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