Would you have justified/explained yourself in this scenario?

[YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan]

Exp and i have no contact for last few months. He comes to collect dcs on his weekends but we dont talk. No calling or texting. It suits me tbh as before i made the decision to go no contact it was always a case of him ignoring any contact i made and only getting in touch when it suited him.

So he texted at tea time saying "can the boys come to mine tomorrow" . Its not his night but if we had nothing planned i would have said no problem but we are having a party so i texted back "no we are having a party" and then after i sent it i realise that despite him not even saying please or explaining why he wanted them (im guessing something halloween related) i still justified myself to him in my response and the old 'no is a complete sentence' came into my head. Why do i feel the need to do this especially when he didnt in the first place?

Would you have explained in this scenario or would it be ok in future just to say no without telling him my plans that are none of his business?

[viperslast]

I'd have answered like you did. You were just being polite, a message just saying "no" would be rude and give the impression you were being obstructive whereas your response doesn't.

I'd have said justifying would have been "no sorry we have a party and dc have been looking forward to it for so long ..." imo you just explained rather than justified.

[Onebuddhaisnotenough]

I stick to 'No we have plans'

Not rude but giving him no information. He used to text back ' like WHAT exactly ?'

[RandomMess]

Generally some people just aren't properly polite he did actually ask by using "can" he was rude and presuming he could have them.

I think your response was completely appropriate otherwise you would just come across as being difficult and obstructive.

[onetiredmummy]

It was fine and closed any avenue of further chat.

Had you just said no he would have texted back why not and it would have turned into a conversation.

[YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan]

Thank you all. Yes i agree. Me not explaining would have looked like i was just saying it for no reason.

It was just a bit of a realisation that this is how all our conversations have gone. He never gave up any explanations or any thanks when i changed our plans for him. And i just realised that i was still explaining myself to him despite that. But i get how it was appropriate this time. Thank you all.

[lostdad]

You were right and you sound like you are flexible within reason so no problems.

I'd say being polite is the way forward - for the want of feeling a little over polite it can reduce the chance of a stupid argument/war/court case. Of course he needs to follow the same advice...

...and this is `being normal'.

See me as your substitute ex. My ex refuses to communicate with me face to face or phone. It undoubtedly causes problems and isn't in our DS' best interests but after a long court case I know it is not going to change.

She sends me stuff that leaves me hopping up and down - but I get the feeling that at least 50% is just a result of the written word not being a good medium of communication in a tense situation. I tend to let things go, work on the principle that she is not being nasty (even when it is quite possible she is) and to avoid arguments.

It doesn't mean that I roll over on big things - far from it.

It's just that fighting isn't good for my son and quite honestly we should both be grown up enough not to bicker like silly kids.