X RANG NOW THE DILEMMA ARRRRRRRR

[tjgx]

hi all if any1 doesnt know me plz look at thread lost confused if you can find it ;) as i cant...anyway im so happy got my xchange moved away got a lovely house and a brand new start...BUT....x rang n now wants 2 c ds..i will refresh your memory ok well he has not seen ds since he was 11 weeks old i think i lived in a block and his mother lived underneath me what a life me n my children have had his family made my life hell n put me through some awful things x was verbally abusive to me n alot of threats was made..anyway i got an exchange with a lady n got myself a brand new life a new me..also x has another girl pregnant!! then phone rings its the x begging me to see ds who mind you hasnt seen for almost a year ds 13 months now..he was vey polite says he wants 2 meet me for a chat n 2 sort out visiting ds x never knew his own dad n say he doent want it 2 b that way with ds he wants 2 b a part of his life so that ds has a dad..now the hard part firstly ive moved out of london second 4 me to go to meet him would cost me a bomb i dont work n money is very tight..i know all he has 2 do is ask the lady i did exchange with for my address,also him being around my family as mum dad would hit the roof if he was bk ds life..now i know every child has the right 2 2 parents n i know its up to me but im so confused as to what 2 do as i dont want 2 upset any1 ive 2 teenage girls who agree no matter how x was 2 me he has the right 2 c ds x has never hit me was all verball it will be so very hard for me to take ds to meet him x has a car n im not sure whether 2 give him my adress or not it says its killing him inside not seeing ds n i feel so bad plz help x

[me23]

I reall feel for u, i dont know wat to say as i am in a similar postion, dd dad hasnt seen her since she was 3 months, but he has turned up at m house al all hours buzzin m door over and over! has also threatened me but at same time i dont know if keeping him away is really best for her. its hard so hard to know wat to do!

[tjgx]

hi me23 its horrible isnt it u dont what 2 do for the best,my x was n maybe still is a total s..t but i feel 4 ds as i dont no whether its fair 2 keep away from x or not

[Loobie]

Can i give you a very brief(at least ill try to be LOL)rundown n my situation which is quite similiar.I have 3 kids ,split with x when i was 5 mths pg with no.3 DD,other 2 are ds's.We got on fine until he left the area and moved down south,he met someone else and they have recently had a baby together.He messed the kids about with visits and contcat etc from th eminute he went down south.Until then which was 2 years apart he saw the kids almost every night,we spent weekends together doing family stuff but just couldnt live together,alos i couldnt get over how he treated me whilst pg and how he had treated ds1.
Anyway after him being away a year and messing up visits and stuff i put my foot down and stopped all access and contact with him,him and his new gf started a harrassment campaign against me including putting my mobile number on dating sites on the net,i changed all my phone numbers and email address.
Once they couldnt get to me anymore i heard nothing else from them,x had no contcat for almost a year,then in early march this year i phoned him as like yourself i couldnt shake the feeling that the kids should have there dad around for them.He was hugely remorseful at all he had done,was incredibly sincere in promising to sort it all out and stick to a visiting schedule and contact etc.I took him on let him back into the kids lives..................it lasted 1 visit and three weeks of contcat before he dumped them again!!He came to visit and was crying etc obviously affected by not having seen his kids,yet he still cant act for himself and put his kids first,hes supposedly back with the gf,they have a rocky relationship to say the least !
But as far as im concerned he is far too caught up in sorting that end of things he can happily dump his kids cause it dont suit him to stick to anything.My dd went back to stuttering,sleeping with me and clinging to my side constantly,ds1 ended up in psychiatric care and ds2 almost suspended from school for his aghast behaviour! All this due to x input again and his treatment of them.
Please think hard about letting him into your ds life,he has never known him so what does ds have to lose ? nothing but plenty of distress and upset to gain if x is as unsatisfactory as he sounds!

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[glitterfairy]

I agree with HappyMum! It needs to be done properly and you need to protect yourself form him. Verbal abuse can be worse sometimes than physical it is not a case of oh he didnt hit me therefore he is alright.

[tjgx]

hi all happy mum how r u x thanx guys i know ur right me also grew up without my dad i knew him still know him but he was never there 4 me n years later i now do resent him but also happy to know him if u know what i mean i just dont want ds growing up hateing mw for keeping x away from him even though its for the right reasons...happymum knows all ive been through n yes u could say ive been to hell n back a million times over things was so bad i considered takeing my own life..but now im in a situation where we have moved far away im happy contented n im starting to be me all over again..but then he triggers me off my the call n i now feel sunk again..w....r ;) i feel also his new baby is due in august n i reckon things r not so hot now with the new gf..i dont want him messing up what i have now with my life...i can open my door without being spat at screamed at him n his family did that 2 me constantly i havent got 2 look over my shoulder anymore wondering if some1 is going to snatch my ds but im scared of not doing the right thing im scared he will get my addy..but i will deff go to a solictor here n find out what i can do..at the moment he doesnt have my addy but i feel he will get itchy feet n question the girl i exchange with...bt if n when it does happen i will b banging on my solictors door...i hate the way he makes me feel n the things him n his family put me n my family through n i wont have it all repeated again..thanx guys i think i just need a big kick up my ass hahahahahah xxxxxxxxxxxx

[tjgx]

thanx loobie n glitterfairy...loobie im so sorry for what u have been through ur poor kids y r men like this my mind boggles....loobie how have u coped yourself x

[Loobie]

Well ds1 was 10 in january past,i have suffered depression on and off since his birth,i have managed to stay off antidepressants for over a year now!!
After the latest carry on from him it put me way back down again onto the verge of going back on the tablets.I ordered a prescrition from the docs,but i never picked up the pills! i managed just with the support of a very good friend to keep my head above water,i refuse to let that b*d drag me down again,he has done enough damage to my kids without me falling apart too.
It did take me a while to kick him back out of my system this time round,was always thinking oh i should call him ,try and sort it out,oh might call him and talk to him about stuff,we were together about 10 years and were best friends,soul mates almost,so it seems so natural to talk to him.But i dug my heels in and refused to give in till eventually the feelings passed over.I focused on having fun with the kids,we had a surprise weekend away to blackpool with my brother which really helped me forget x and his st.
I have said that after what he has done to me and the kids,things that would take me about 4 weeks to write down here,he was given this chance even though he by no means deserved it and still he messed it up doing what he had already done over again,he will never ever step foot over my door again,if it takes it i will personally go for councelling for myself to get over the feelings that i have of well he is their dad and should see them.At the end of the day i would not let anyone else treat my kids that way so the hell should i let him do it again and again just because he helped create them? Just because they are part of him it dont give him the right to treat them or me like s**t!!

[nightowl]

tjgx...i remember your threads too and i agree with happymum. under most circumstances i would say a child should see its father if possible, but look what that man did to your and yours. if you are happy now and moved away safe from the harm he and his family can do then i would really leave it that way. i do think you are better off without him in your lives.