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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Presents for exes family?

17 replies

Sasquatch75 · 28/09/2013 07:45

I was the one who always chose and bought all the presents for exes brothers, their families and even exes parents. So, what do I do now? Leave it all up to him? Just send cards? What about the kids? Should I just get them a little something?

OP posts:

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worley · 28/09/2013 07:47

Definitely leave it up to him. Just send Christmas cards.
Are you close to your dc cousins? If not I would be inclined to let the ex deal with it all.

Withalittlesparkle · 28/09/2013 07:49

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns about this post and so we've agreed to take it down.

Zoe6789 · 28/09/2013 07:53

Are you kidding?! No way. His responsibility. I always used to as well by the way.

If I bumped in to my xmil by chance, on her birthday, I would wish her an happy birthday. But, sending cards [:-|] no.

Lonecatwithkitten · 28/09/2013 08:11

It is his responsibility. Last Christmas my Ex moaned to a mutual friend he'd had no Christmas cards to which she said 'did you send any?'

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 28/09/2013 08:33

If you want to get them a gift because you love them, they are in your life and you buy gifts for everyone in your family and you want to buy them a gift from you, then buy them.

If you think you ought to because somehow it's your job and if you don't then they won't get gifts because your ex may not do it, then - that's not your problem any more.

Just in the same way that whether your ex gets up on time/has a clean shirt/makes that appointment/knows where his keys are... are no longer your problem.

(they were never your responsibility, but so many women feel they have to take care of all that stuff , but you don't even have to pretend to give a shit any more)

RitaFajita · 28/09/2013 09:21

Whatever you do this year will set a precedent for future years so think carefully.

If you buy for them do it because you want to not out of any obligation to your ex. You are not responsible for his behaviour.

If they are supportive its nice to acknowledge them even just with a tin of nice biscuits or something.

Are they likely to buy for you?

Foxy800 · 28/09/2013 09:56

DD and I buy for his family but because I want to and they are sent from us not him. He has to do his own shopping.x

DotCottonsHairnet · 28/09/2013 12:54

Heck no - thats one job I am so glad not to have to do.

Ex doesn't have a huge family but I know he will struggle - tough.

Just hoping he remembers he needs to buy pressies for our children - again he won't have a clue what they like or their sizes or anything :(

Sasquatch75 · 28/09/2013 13:11

Thanks for all the replies. I think I might just buy token gifts for a couple of people like the inlaws and maybe my bil and sil as they've been lovely throughout this (8 weeks today since exh left). My other sil I'm not sure about... She's not been as supportive as I'd hoped and we were quite good friends before!!!

I'll def send everyone Christmas cards though.

OP posts:

starlight1234 · 29/09/2013 22:01

I never did..just for my ex from Son

paneer · 01/10/2013 14:29

I still buy a token gift for xp's parents, mainly for the sake of DD. They always get me an Amazon voucher (which pays for books for DD).

sparkleshine · 03/10/2013 19:38

That's his responsibility now.
I buy the EXP presents from our DS and vice versa. I do buy cards and a small gift for the ex in laws and ex SIL from myself as I am still close to them and they also still get something for me as to them I'm still part of the family. However, it's up to my EXP to buy them something from our DS and himself. Same for my own family.
Hope that makes sense.

lostdad · 04/10/2013 12:31

It's his responsibility.

I make sure my ex and her family get presents from my son however. He loves buying stuff for his mum and it makes him happy.

HerrenaHarridan · 07/10/2013 22:39

Depends on age and you relationship with family.

If your relationship with them is really bad and dc is very little. No

If your relationship with then is really bad and dc is old enough to request help to send gifts. Yes

If relationship is good and dc Re very little. A card with a hand print in will suffice. (Yes that's what I do)

If relationship is good and dc are bigger. Encourage and support them to make gifts

stardust86 · 11/10/2013 22:01

That was a silver lining for me, it was always me who sorted out the pressies for all his sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews, friends and friends' kids. My Christmas bill reduced by around 80% when he left.

Send a card :-)

mitchsta · 25/10/2013 16:55

No way. Even with his SIL and BIL, I would just explain that times are hard and you're leaving him to sort his family now. If they've been supportive, they'll understand.

losingtrust · 02/11/2013 17:50

I tend to buy my ex mil and fil a little gift as we still get on well but only cards to the rest of the family and maybe some chocs. Now he is remarried though it may be wierd so may just send cards as new wife will probably buy presents.

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