sorry - just need to whinge fo a while - got xp's statement to the court.

[fattiemumma]

i dont know whether to laugh cry or go round and rip his head off.

after spending 5 years of extreme physical emotional and sexual abuse with him i left and went to a refuge. when i was re housed from teh refuge he found me again and i tolerated yet more violence from him as i was too worried about the housing people or refuge thinking i had told him where i was...and more importantly for being so stupid to have allowed him to find me!

anyway i moved ti my mums (a good 60= miles away) and got injunction. he took me to court to get access to the children despite me agree ing (under pressure from my own solicitor that this was the best way in the long run) that he could see them alternate weekends on a sunday between 10-5 and he could phone them tuesdyas and thursdays.

anyway it didnt work. he would phone constantly with verbal abuse, threatenong me and my imaginary boyfreind( seriously how on earth does he think i have time or effort for yet another waste of space)
the children would come home from seeing him very withdrawn, my ds (5) became increasingly aggressive and would act out the scenes he used to witness on children (girls) at his school!

i eventually changed solicitors as mine completly let me down in court and so we are now trying to stop all contact....whic is what i wanted originally but was advised isnt allowed by previous lawyers.

anyway i filed my statement to the court. i had to put as much detail in teh statement as i could about what had gone on. of course it was very long and incredibly difficult but i put quite a bit in.....left enormouse amounts out though and i regret it.

well i got his statement yesterday and im still shaken by it. of course i didnt expect him to hold his hands p to what he had done as this would damage his own case but he has gone too far.

he has put in things like i was a complete slut and would buy sexual toys for him to use on me and i had a higher sex drive than him so it was HE who felt victimised as he could not satisfy me.
that it was always he who cared for the kids.
he has never laid a finger on me but i was very violent towards him and once strangles him witha cord.

that i would frequently lie and apparantly once told him i had kileld someone at 14!

im so angry. this man has continued to phone me telling me how much he has changed and how he loves me and wants to become a family agian.

i really just dont know anymore. i have often felt like the whole thing is a waste of time as i have no evedence of anything. he did a very good job of making me feel inadequate and he forced me to loose touch with all my freinds. even my own family did not speak to me for 2 years.
so no one ever saw what he did other than HIS family who somehow seem to have forgoten everything. (his mother would watch him hold me up against a wall by my throat when i was 8 months pregnant and tell ME that i was sick, why would i make him behave like this..and then walk out!)

i just want to give up as to be honest i dont think i could handle it if the court ruled in his favour at the fact finding hearing. i have been through so much and if the juge rules that they beleive him and that i have made it up.....i really dont know what i will do.

i am so stressed about all this. i feel sick everytime i think about it. i cant eat - which is funny as one of his paragraphs says "i refute claims that i "threw" her about like "a ragdoll" she is more than 6 feet tall and overweight......hows that for a dig below the belt!.


sorry i know that was a bit of a ramble but im alone her and just had to say it.
so apologies for bring everyone down....hopefully i will kill my own thread...

[singledadofthree]

think you'd better just laugh!!

the guy sounds like a complete nutter so i hope you have better fortune with your new solicitors. his own solicitor can and may well tell any lie they think will help them get a result. solicitors aren't in it to help families - they know the more damage they can do, the more they can milk the case...from experience that is. take care.

[edam]

Are you in touch with DV support workers? They can support you through court processes too. Local council might be a good place to start if you aren't in contact already. Would the refuge provide a statement at all?

The man is a waste of oxygen. I do feel for you.

[fattiemumma]

thanks all.

Following our last day in court the judge ruled that his constant phone cals were to stop and said that telephone contact should cease. he stil phoned all throughout that evening and the following few days.

i went to the police and they agreed that this was in breech of the injunction and have said that they will arrest him. but they dont seem to have don it yet.

he has put in his statement that i only went ot the refuge because i wanted to get a house! of course it pathetic and there is no way i woul atake an Autistic 4 year old or a 10 week old abby tp a refuge if i didnt think it was necessary but i just dread the thought of the jusge believeing it.

he seems to have be keeping loads of little thinsg that seem to prove what he has said. of cours its all circumstantial and in a proper legal case itw ouydl be worthless but i dont know how this works.

i am absolutly dreading it. I was really confident after speaking to the police as i thought it proved what a nut case he is but i dont knwo anymore.

thanks for letting me moan at you all.